Ick

This morning's coffee is a must as opposed to a luxury. Well, hmmmm...coffee addiction runs in my genes, so I guess more often than not it's a "must". Today, however, my need for a caffeine kick-start results from Ben's early morning escapade with the aforementioned (see previous blog) G.I. bug running through the family. Around 3:00 a.m., much to my horror, I awoke to hear Ben choking amidst panicked cries. Praise the Lord we are at my parents' house where we essentially share a room, so I was easily able to hear him. In the few seconds that my foggy brain had to speculate about what was happening, one word formed in my mind: puke. The lamp shed light (literally) on the cause of his distress, and he had indeed lost his lunch. Or more accurately I guess, dinner. I learned as a teacher and then later with Jeran to go into auto-pilot mode at this point. Bed and baby clean-up (with a great amount of assistance from my husband - who has a fairly weak stomach and I'm sure was also on auto-pilot) ensued, and we settled on the couch to wait out the storm. Poor little guy had a few more episodes, and we could tell he was very confused as to what was happening to him. This is another cause for praise since it means he's been really healthy his first year of life and hadn't experienced this before. One clear thought I did keep having was that this could be so much worse. Jeran's first experience with this ailment was around the same age and occurred while we were driving back to Illinois from Michigan. In the pouring rain. Which means no windows could be opened for relief. We also quickly ran out of items with which to protect him and the rest of the car. I think he ended up wearing a garbage bag. So yes, it could have been so much worse. At this point he is sleeping, and it seems that everything is over (knock on wood), so I sip (actually it's more of a guzzle right now) my cup of joe and try to move on with the day.

Merry Christmas...and a happy new year!

Once again I am sadly behind on posting updates about our life. I guess living it takes precedence over writing about it these days. My most favorite time of year has come and is passing by - the Christmas season. It has been a wonderful time in Michigan with our families, and we hope to catch up with a few friends as well. We arrived last week Wednesday and will be staying until New Year's Eve, at which time we will high-tail it home, so I can fall asleep on the couch before the ball drops. We enjoyed a very white Christmas amidst all of our holiday fun and festivities, since when we arrived here there was just about 3 feet of snow. Of course, once we planned on taking Jeran sledding for the first time (I know - 3 1/2 and first sledding; it's a sad commentary on our parenting and lack of outdoorsy gumption) it rained and rained and depleted the supply. However, he's perfectly happy tromping through puddles in his new boots and got to hit the library with Nana that day instead, so I guess there's no long-term trauma involved.

My thoughts are turning to the new year and wondering what lies ahead in it. One thing I have finally gotten through my thick skull in 2008 is that there are no guarantees in life. One day can change drastically what happens in subsequent ones. I have seen that through illness, death, and various other traumas as well as great joys, experienced by people in my life this past year. At the risk of sounding too blase' about it, it is with a grateful heart that I acknowledge God's blessing over my family and the overwhelming presence of joys as opposed to traumas. However, I recognize this doesn't guarantee smooth sailing in 2009. One day at a time, though. What are my hopes for '09? Always at number 1 is to grow in my relationship with the Lord. I feel He is breaking new ground in me as the year closes out and pray that that continues on in the new year. I hope for a healthy baby come May (I'd love a girl, Lord, but I won't push my luck here), a potty-trained 4 year old when March 17 rolls around, and continued closeness in my marriage (not necessarily in that order). I'd love to fast-forward through the year and know for sure where we'll be city and job-wise. It's been rattling around in our brains and hearts the last couple of years to be closer to family. It would be incredibly hard to leave behind our life in Illinois as well, though, so we'll see what answer God provides in that sphere. Another hope I have is to curb my addiction to junk food and abhorrence of physical activity. If I could hire a personal trainer and nutritionist that would really help. Guess I forgot to put that on my Christmas list. In short, living each day to the fullest, praising God in all circumstances.

In other news, this pregnancy has taken a turn on me in the last week. On top of various digestive issues (which, in all fairness, should also be attributed to some sort of bug passing through as James and my mom have also ended up with it - or maybe that's sympathy gastrointestinal problems?) I find myself much more fatigued. I also feel, wrongly so due to my actual size (pics to come, eventually), more cumbersome and clumsy. Getting down on the floor with the boys is a feat but nothing compared to getting back up. And praise the Lord I do not have stairs in my home. The motivation and energy I've had to muster up each time I've had to climb stairs here at my mom and dad's would probably make a 90-year-old on oxygen shake their head in disgust with me. Perhaps this all speaks to my sad lack of physical in-shapeness more than anything else. I've been struggling more with catching my breath too, in any situation, particularly when I have to stand for long periods of time. I had this annoyance with both of my other pregnancies as well and have been told by the doctor it probably has to do with where my uterus and the placenta are; they may be infringing upon my diaphragm's freedom to move. My other wierd thing in both other pregnancies was an obsession with ice-crunching, so I'm waiting for that one to hit. When I was pregnant with Ben, even my fifth graders and their parents started commenting on my ice-eating quirk, so it's a pretty prominent affliction unfortunately. I guess there are worse cravings I could have.

More news and pics to come in coming days. My other hope for 2009 is to be more consistent with the blog and especially with photos. One day at a time...

Calgon, take me away!

One of the biggest differences between my full-time working life outside the home and my full-time working life as a stay-at-home mom is the fact that there are no breaks. Granted, with teaching there were few breaks to speak of in my day, but I could at least catch one 15-20 minute snatch of time in which to regroup or at least chug some coffee before returning to educate the masses. It's so wearing now to be needed ALL the time. Just in the typing of this short blog I've had a 3 1/2-year-old climbing on me, interrupting to ask for a snack, then needing to be disciplined for hurting his brother, and a one-year-old has needed his nose wiped, a toy retrieved, and tears dried from being hurt by his brother. To be fair, there are those rare days when both boys will nap, and that is glorious, a time when I definitely take at least 15 - 20 minutes for myself. But most of those days I just feel the pressing need to take care of various duties around the house. Today I am wishing I just had 20 minutes to myself. 20 minutes to drink coffee, read something that has nothing to do with children, and not be needed in any way. Sigh. Those of you reading this who work full time outside your home AND have children are rolling your eyes with lack of sympathy. I can take it. I've been there too, so I understand. I guess that's all the time I have for right now because my one-year-old is telling me by his cries and big brown eyes pointed in my direction that he needs me...

Happy Birthday to Benj!

Why is it that time seems to keep leaving me in the dust? I can't believe I'm updating about my boy's birthday 5 days after the fact. So sad. Anyway, yes, Benjamin is now one year old. Shocking. Once the Christmas season really started to set upon me I had flashbacks to last year at this time when he arrived. I have to say that even though I'm experiencing some sadness to realize how quickly his first year has gone by, I do love the age he is. He is absolutely adorable (not that I'm biased or anything) in the ways that he crawls around, smiles and laughs, and especially all of his babbling. My favorite thing right now is when he uses the one and only word currently in his vocabulary: "hi". Generally you'll get about 5 "hi"s in a row accompanied by some vigorous waving. Of course, whenever we want him to show this off to other people he won't perform. Then I just look like a delusional mom, making up skills. Luckily, he DID perform for the doctor last week Thursday. One of the few positive marks of the visit. Ok, I'm being a tad melodramatic as usual. But I left the office feeling a little let-down, like my kid isn't totally up to speed. Normally I don't really let that kind of stuff get to me since I know that children develop at their own pace. But it's hard to hear that your son should be pulling himself up to a standing position, for example, or saying more words. I guess I let it affect me because this news rode in on the coattails of the doctor discovering Ben had double ear infections when I didn't even have a clue he was sick. How nice is that? I guess it speaks for how tough my kids are (more than half of Jeran's ear infections during his life so far have been diagnosed on a fluke as well). Apparently my kids don't want to let on when they're hurting.
As far as Ben's current stats he weighs in at 22 lbs and I forgot how tall he is, but basically he has evened out to be average for his age (although looking at him, particularly the pudge that has collected on his thighs, cheeks, chin, and wrists) you might be tempted to think we're training him for a future in sumo. All of that chub sure is kissable though.
To celebrate his first year of life, Ben has already had a birthday playgroup (with one more to come on Friday) and a special birthday breakfast, as well as a small family celebration with just James, Jeran, and I. Rather than throwing one overblown bash I've decided to throw lots of little ones apparently.
Our weekend was busy but full of so much Christmas enjoyment. We headed to Michigan and celebrated James and Ben's birthday with a little breakfast outing on Saturday. Mom and Dad Louwerse and Gunnink, Jon and Melissa, and Rachel were all able to join us. In the afternoon we attended the Berghoef family bash which was a festive occasion filled with wonderful company, excellent food, and the signature Dirty Bingo game which always boasts a plethora of interesting White Elephant gifts as prizes. My personal favorite this year: the purple "pimp" hat that my cousin Jami ended up with (see? the biggest boxes aren't always the best!). For many a year in my family there was a lovely doorstop that made the rounds - wonder who ever ended up with that one? Anyway - a fun time had by all and also an opportunity to celebrate my grandma's 85th birthday. Truly a blessing.
Saturday night James and I ditched...er, left the kids at my parents' and headed back to Illinois for the 2nd annual Rumbuc Christmas gathering. We actually had to miss the first annual as I was sick, and, it turns out, 3 days away from giving birth. Almost the whole gang was in attendance which is really great considering our college crew only gets together about twice a year now. Again, a marvelous party with excellent company, tasty food, and a downright hilarious White Elephant gift exchange. The hot items this year were a Christmas-song-serenading chicken (complete with dance moves), a spa set, tequila, and a circa- 1980s cell phone. We're talking the phone as long as your arm and twice as wide. Ring any bells? So funny. We're already excited for next year!
Now it's only a week and a half before Christmas. Although I am throughly enjoying the season and don't feel I've allowed myself to get caught up in the frantic pace of it all, I'll admit that there is much Christmas shopping I need to accomplish yet and that makes me a little nervous. In the meantime I am thrilled to get the mail these days since I always get the biggest kick out of everyone's Christmas photos and letters. Which reminds me, I have some envelope addressing to do....

Technology shmecnology

Well, if you're one of the fortunate few to whom I have NOT lamented about the following, you heard it here first. Not only is our computer dying a slow, painful (to us, not it necessarily) and infuriating death (it's not uncommon for activities which once took me 20 minutes to now take 2 hours), but the camera has now taken a crap as well. It simply stopped turning on. And YES, I checked the batteries. While I may be stuck in the basics of technology I do know that much. So, at this most wonderful time of year, filled with Ben's first birthday, Jeran's Little Lambs program, and various Christmas festivities, I am left with only my semi-reliable brain to record and remember these events (not a likely prospect since I have difficulty remembering what day it is lately). I'm sure we will come up with a solution, but it remains to be seen whether that solution will put us out $100 + for a new camera.
So I realized that I've really backed myself into a corner with the name and address with which I've saddled this blog. Once baby #3 arrives 'round about Mayish, he or she is going to feel dreadfully left out. Perhaps not at first (they have that whole limited cognition thing going on), but certainly at 13 it will give them more subject matter about the lameness of parents to lament with their friends. Hmmm...not sure what to do about this one.
This morning was the long-awaited ultrasound. Now this is technology I can live with - it never gets old! It is truly an awe-inspiring miracle of God to be able to witness my child, in my womb, to see his or her heart beating, mouth moving, arm waving. To see the details of his/her spine, fingers, and toes. I can't possibly imagine what level of delusion people have to enter into to see that and, first of all, deny a loving and awesome Creator, and second of all, to justify abortion by saying this is not yet life. We were relieved and elated to get a perfect report about baby's development, and I stood strong and did not find out the gender (although, I'll admit, while the technician was scoping around "that area" I did end up peeking once - but didn't see ANYTHING!). James remained undecided so had the technician write it down and put it in an envelope for him. He's under strict instructions not to tell me (or anyone else so don't ask him!) if he ever does look. I am really excited about being surprised at the birth this time but also, because I'm an anal retentive planner, feel a little panicked that I don't know what gender of child will be exiting my womb in 4 months.
Tonight is Jeran's Christmas program for Little Lambs. I took a peek during their rehearsal today and found him doing anything BUT singing (even though he knows the songs and loves to sing when he's by himself): chewing on his shirt (a constant activity lately with this new oral fixation he's developed), standing up (while everyone else was sitting), and laying on the kid next to him. It will be adorable, no doubt, but maybe it's a good thing that camera is broken....

Holidays

I absolutely LOVE this time of the year from Thanksgiving to Christmas. The anticipation, the celebrations, the time spent with family. I'm all warm and fuzzy. I feel for those who, either recently or long ago, experienced a trauma that won't allow them to feel anything but dread and stress this time of year and hope that the TRUE joy in this season finds them in the midst of any pain.
Thanksgiving, as usual, was spent in Michigan with the fams. Our main meal was with the Louwerse side this year, and it was a wonderful, relaxing day of family, food, and fun. As an added bonus Brian, Keri, and Lily (James's brother and his wife and daughter who live in the Cayman Islands) were in town. The only pieces missing in this perfect day were Keith and Jen, Bella and Keagan (we miss you guys! The 2 of us need to stop getting preggo, Jen, so we actually see each other :-) And seeing each other on Skype doesn't totally count). We also spent time with my side of the family (Mom, Dad, Jon, and Melissa) on Friday which was great. Our only regret in the weekend was missing several friends and the great-grandparents. We are looking forward to Christmas and an extended time in the motherland with everyone.
Our Thanksgiving travels were made a whole lot easier this year with the addition of Minnie the van to our family. I still can't get over all the space! I have still been loving the new van and feel I have managed to hang on to shreds of my coolness (what little I started with) while transitioning into a mini van mom.
Our holidays have been and will be more enjoyable with James's CFP test out of the way as well. It was a loooooong year this past year that included classes 1 - 2 times a week, the week-long review class, and then countless nights of studying. I got the tiniest glimpse into the life of a single parent during that time, and James and I are both breathing sighs of relief now that he has more free time. The weekend of the actual test (Nov. 21 and 22) were extremely stressful. It really is a crazy hard test and James was, unfortunately, overwhelmed and not feeling terribly confident going into it. After finishing the Friday portion he felt ok, but all he could say on Saturday was, "That was hard." :-) But, like I said, we're happy it's over and only have to wait
5-7 more weeks for the results. Tick tock....
Our latest adventure took place last night when we tried giving Jeran a haircut here at home. It came down to trading $20 for an hour of our time (and a portion of our hearing which seems to have been permanently dampened by the screams). Unfortunately, about 2 minutes into the project our clippers showed themselves to be less than adequate for the task, but James pushed on and the end result is, in his own words, "Not bad but not good". True, there are a few stray patches here and there which sprout out of his scalp but for the most part it's a vast improvement on the permanent bedhead we were subjecting JJ to before. I don't really know what his deal is with haircuts but they turn him into an incoherent banshee. It's a little like having his fingernails cut which I haven't had to do in a year since he started taking it upon himself to bite and pick them off himself. Ew. I shudder to think what his self-made remedy for haircuts could be.
Baby Bean is doing just fine. I've started to feel movement (mostly in the evenings) and next week Tuesday we have our ultrasound. I'm feeling more and more convinced that I don't want to find out this time. James and I are still working out a compromise since he's pretty sure he DOES want to know. Time will tell what the final decisions are...
For now, greetings of Christmas joy and peace to you as you go through this holiday season. I am challenged this year not to lose sight of the true Reason for our joy amidst all the busyness this time can hold and all the "musts" we sometimes feel in this month.

Awesome

For those of you who infrequently or never check my other blog, I'll post this here too. If you want to try to grasp the awesomeness of our Creator God, go to www.hubblesite.org and check out the picture gallery. Mind-blowing....

Saying good-bye and looking forward

Yesterday was both a hard and wonderful thing, as I find the funerals of Christians generally to be. Saying good-bye to Sherri, and even more than that, thinking about her family having to say good-bye and move on in life without her, was extremely emotional and difficult. But hearing about her life, people's remembrances of her, the ways she lived out her faith and showed Christ's love through use of her gifts, was, at the risk of using an inadequate word, inspiring. I was reminded at both her funeral and memorial service that all we are given by God here on earth is temporary, but it is a gift. Somehow I ALWAYS trick myself into thinking I have unlimited time. I've spent 31 years of life telling myself that. And what do I have to show for it? I know it's not about me, but I found myself wondering what people would have to say about me should my life on earth end today? And how would I feel standing before the Lord? Would He truly be able to say to me, "well done, good and faithful servant"? I saw many parallels between Sherri and my uncle Paul who passed away a year ago July, and I remember as we were saying our good-byes to him that I had many of these same thoughts. And for seem reason I feel like I'm really GETTING IT this time. Time will tell I suppose. I know that today, I am living in thankfulness to God for another day of life. I am thanking Him for my family and friends and above all His great love. I am asking Him to help me pursue holiness that I might be holy as He is holy, and that He would open my eyes to his awesomeness in this world. And I am vowing, like Sherri, like my uncle Paul, to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself.

While listening to my Ipod yesterday, a song by Mark Schultz came on, and I thought it was so fitting as I thought of how fully Sherri lived her life and at the same time questioned the future of mine. It has a BEAUTIFUL tune so just printing the words don't do justice. Maybe I can figure out how to publish it on here. Anyway, for now, these words....

What will you do with the time that’s left?
Will you live it all with no regret?
Will they say that you loved till your final breath?
What will you do with the time that’s left?

What will you do with the time that’s past?
Oh and all the pain that seems to last?
Can you give it to Jesus and not look back?
What will you do with the time that’s past?

What will He say when your time has come?
When He takes you into His arms of love?
With tears in His eyes will He say well done?
What will He say when your time has come?

Time marches on

Simple pleasures of the week (in no particular order): a clean house, $20 in gas filling my car to 3/4 of a tank, knowing I am loved and have many to love, health & strength/renewed energy, just to name a few.

God has reminded me through several different avenues to embrace blessings in my life daily. One of those avenues, unfortunately, comes through the death of a colleague at TCS. Her battle with cancer began less than 2 months ago (at least from a diagnosis standpoint) and ended around 12:30a.m. Tuesday morning. She was an absolutely amazing teacher, mother, friend, and above all, follower of God. Her role at Timothy was as our Discovery Center teacher, offering support to struggling students and those with varying difficulties in learning, and the love that she daily poured into her kids, as well as her willingness to constantly be their advocate, was a blessing to witness. I had 2 of her children while a teacher so got to know her as a mom too. She leaves behind 4 incredible kids and a husband, as well as countless extended family and friends, who have been touched by her life lived in faith and will no doubt carry that on. Tomorrow is her funeral as well as a memorial service. It will be a terribly hard thing but I also look forward to the celebration it will be of her life and her arrival to her heavenly home.

To remark on the simple goings-on of our life in the past few weeks seems almost wrong in light of this news, but I was reminded by a wise woman in my life (you know who you are, Robyn Lynn) :-) to embrace these simple blessings, recognizing that we are on borrowed time here anyway, and all that I have for today is God's gift to be enjoyed. With that said, here's what's up. James continues to study for his CFP exam which will take place next week Friday and Saturday, so if and when he pops in to your mind in the next week, please say a prayer for him. He's not feeling too confident at this point, even though I feel very confident that he will do well. He's been studying like crazy and is a very good test-taker, not to mention he's had 10-plus years of experience with a lot of this stuff, so I would say the odds are in his favor. However, that all doesn't diminish the fact that he's feeling pretty nervous about the whole deal.

On Monday baby and I had another check-up at the doc. Everything looks A-OK, and next month I have my ultrasound. I am VERY torn about discovering this baby's gender. With Ben and JJ we found out, but with this baby most likely being our last, I would kind of like the experience of being surprised at the very end. Plus, if I'm being brutally honest, I would REALLY like to add a girl to our mix, and I really think if we find out next month that we'll be having boy #3, I'll be tempted over the last 5 months to kind of wallow in my sadness of not having any girls. If I do have another boy, and I find this out as he's placed in my arms, I don't see there being a problem (ok, maybe a FLEETING moment of sadness). James really would like to find out with this baby, so we're going to have to see if we can meet in the middle somehow. I am feeling great these days. No more nausea, and my energy is pretty much back at its normal level (running after 2 busy boys, notwithstanding).

Below are a few Halloween pics from our Michigan weekend. We had a great time trick or treating with our friends Kristen, Emma, and Kaylie, who were all really good sports about the fact that we could only go out at 4:00, and apparently in michigan this is unheard of. In Illinois kids are barely off the school bus before the fun begins. Poor Kristen got razzed by almost every neighbor. She was great about it. Jeran had a FABULOUS time and has already been asking to go again. How to explain "next year" to a three-and-a-half year old....

After our trick-or-treating excursion, with far more treating than tricks, we stopped by my grandpa and grandma Berghoef's. It was fun to show them off to the boys and allow them some rare time with the great-grandsons.

We ended the evening at my brother and sister-in-law's where we feasted on KFC and watched Jeran go through his loot. A great time had by all!

Political Hoo-ha: in other words blah blah blah

I have kept quite mum about politics throughout the entire campaigning season, so I beg you, now that I am "coming out" with my baggage after the votes have been tallied, do not take this as me being a sore loser. Yes, that's right, I was a McCain/Palin supporter. There, it's out. But the following sentences/paragraphs/[hopefully not] pages really, truly do not reflect my personal feelings on the election outcome. I can see the draw to Obama. He is an amazing speaker and an inspirational individual. And we CERTAINLY need those people in the world who inspire change. But see, that's where I get hung up. "Change" was the crux of his campaign, and it's gotten people all hopped up and ecstatic like they're on some sort of acid-induced high. There's nothing wrong with that in and of itself...I don't think. But I am troubled, first of all, by the position to which so many millions of people have elevated this human, fallible man that should only be occupied by God - that of a savior. I feel that, starting especially with the Democratic National Convention, people were crazed with worship for him. And, quite honestly, though on a somewhat smaller scale, this came about for McCain and (perhaps moreso) Palin as well. True and lasting change, on many levels, is what we all desire, no doubt about that. But, I'm sorry, it's not going to come through a senator from Illinois. OR Arizona for that matter. In the end, we will no doubt be impressed and reassured by some of President-elect Obama's decisions, and sorely disappointed by many others. We're human. We let each other down. But I don't feel that most, if not all, Obama supporters leave any room for this possibility. He is savior, as I said.
Let's go back to that term "change". The second issue I am troubled by is that I get the sense the majority (clearly) of the U.S. is ecstatic and relieved that Obama will become our president in January, but I also get the sense that they're sitting back, waiting and watching for that change they can believe in to happen. Like, "Ok, dude, go for it. Deliver." Ummmmm...one man trying to lead a crippled government is not going to come through on that, folks. Do we truly realize that authentic change begins with us on an individual level? For example, the economy has fallen into a mass of smoking rubble. But what about you? What about ME? Am I or have I lived my life too reliant on credit so I can have things that I really can't afford? Am I living beyond my means? Where is my treasure? The government, banks, and companies didn't do this all on their own. It starts with our decisions on an individual level. How about the environment and fuel crisis? Sure, there are major steps needed to fix the problems, but what am I doing to be a responsible steward and heal/conserve what's left? WHat about war? Am I praying for peace and enacting it in my own life?
Now, to be fair, perhaps a significant contribution that Obama will make during his presidency is to not just be an inspirational speaker but inspire people to ACT. That would most certainly be a step in the right direction. Time will tell...
In the meantime, we must support our leaders, including the new president-elect, and we definitely need to be in prayer for him. But I would caution each of us to leave the fulfillment of the "God" role to....well...God.

Another observation

Here's another observation I've made about my new job which I think explains that, while I am so thankful to be at home, I'm having a hard time adjusting/finding balance, etc. This is a 24/7 job. I didn't hear anyone gasping in shock and realization. It's not really an amazing new fact to me either, but I just never really thought about how taxing of a thing that is until recent days. You don't ever get a break (which is not an entirely fair thing to say since James is a very hands-on dad and so helpful when he's home. But the fact remains, when I'm at home too I'm still dealing with it to some degree - day and night). It's stressful in a different way than when I was teaching and being a mom. Then at least I had some variety and was able to transition from one thing to the other. The stress came from trying to accomplish all of the various tasks in a timely matter - caring for kids and their needs both at home and school. And believe me, I don't miss that kind of stress. Now the stress comes from never transitioning but always being the mom. And I don't hate that - I don't want to gripe and give the impression that I don't love my kids or don't appreciate the blessings they bring to my life. I guess I'm just still getting used to this new role and the fact that it's CONSTANT. It's new for me. Except for a few months here and there, I've never been just a full time mom in the three-and-a-half years that I've had kids. And when teaching things were always in flux - there was always some sort of new thing going on. I guess I just need to look a little harder to see that happening in my life. Or work a little harder to add that variety myself. I don't know if I'm even making any sense. Just venting here...
More to come on our Michigan weekend, especially Halloween, when I can get home and upload some pics.

Work and Play

Full time parenthood has brought to light a harsh realization for me. I no longer know how to play. It's just not second nature the way I last remember it being. I cringe enormously to admit this, but when I hear Jeran say to me, "Wanna play with me, Mom?" my heart kind of sinks. And this makes me feel like an absolutely horrendous parent. I find that I struggle to keep building train tracks and making up adventures for Thomas and Percy to have upon them. I don't seem to be able to muster up the energy for hide and seek (such as it is with Jeran; it usually consists of him telling me exactly where to hide and then counting to 10 WHILE he comes looking). Building zoos and parking lots out of blocks lost its luster after the completion of the first construction project. I don't feel like I am capable of finding new ways to engage and entertain my boys either. Not that the goal of every day for me should be to entertain them; I want them to be able to do that on their own too. But I don't think it's right that NO part of my day is devoted to that either. Is it possible all of my zest for fun as well as creativity was sucked out during my seven years of teaching? Has adulthood inundated my personality to such a degree that I can't find joy in spending time with my son in the ways that he loves? I keep reminding myself that in the blink of an eye he will be in high school, and (Lord forbid) the last person he will probably want to spend time with is me. You'd think that would light a little fire under me, wouldn't you?
My basic problem is I am having a hard time finding balance. I see all of the things that must be done (keeping us fed), should be done (cleaning the house), and that I want to be done (reading, blogging, playing) and I get the priority all mixed up. Yesterday I was cleaning the house, packing for Michigan, finishing laundry... all shoulds, for the most part. And when Jeran would ask to play I would brush him aside, convincing myself that everything I was doing at the moment was a must. The problem is, everyday what I want becomes the must. I can't seem to find it within myself to slow down and look at what's truly important. Shouldn't spending time with my boys be a must? Cleaning the house a "want to"? (riiiiiight) As my own boss now it's difficult to prioritize and execute the tasks in my and my family's life. And I'm starting to suffer huge amounts of guilt while mentally berating myself, yet I can't seem to find the willpower to change.
I know that the biggest priority in my life suffers the most - the amount of time I spend with the Lord on a daily basis. It's obvious when I step back and look at it. Of course my priorities would be in a shambles when I don't have first things in order first. Sigh. And the rollercoaster continues...

News

Oh my - what an embarrassingly delayed update of Louwerse life. What few readers we had have probably moved on to greener pastures of reading material.

The boys and I continue to enjoy life at home. Everyday, I still thank God for this opportunity our family has for a less hectic pace of life, even after days like we've had this week, where it seems our 3 1/2 year old fights us on EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING. Frustrating. I keep telling myself that someday a strong will could be a very good thing for him in this world. But right now it just gives me headaches - multiple ones daily. Anyway... I am still on the lookout for some part time work (no, not in order to get away from the tantrums and fits, although that's a bit of a perk), and in the meantime God fully provides for our needs and gives us many rewarding ways to fill our days.

A big event in our last few weeks was James and Jeran's appearance in a wedding. Our good friends, Steve (who James has known since elementary school) and Cindy, tied the knot, with James as a groomsman and Jeran as ring bearer. Photos of this are or will soon be up on Facebook or sent out through Ofoto, so you can get more of a photo documentary there, but the very short story is that Jeran (well, AND James for that matter - haha) did great through the picture-taking and walking down of the aisle, which were the 2 things we were most concerned about (for Jeran, not James). For the time being, here is a teaser photo of our little studmuffin.

While Ben was not involved in any nuptials recently, he has been busy nevertheless. Within the last week he has sprouted his 6th and 7th teeth, started crawling (army style but with one gimpy leg), and feeding himself finger foods (previously he would just sit with his mouth hanging open, waiting for us to insert his next bite). Another step in this 10-month-old's determination to grow up.

Last week our family had the opportunity for another extended Michigan trip. James is gearing up to take his CFP (Certified Financial Planner) exam in November. It's a biggie. For those of you in the medical field, think boards. To this end, James took a review class for this test at Grand Valley State Univ., which has a campus 3 minutes from my parents' house. The downside to this? Four brutally long days (Wed. - Sat., 8 - 5) of reviewing and practice testing. The upside? He feels it was beneficial, and the alternative here in Chicago would have been a week-long class that included a commute to downtown Chicago each day. We had a wonderful time with family and friends (although we still couldn't quite seem to fit all of you in, and we missed seeing Grandpa and Grandma Louwerse who were gone on a serve trip to Indiana). One of the highlights was a Saturday trip with Nana to Crane's Apple Orchard. We didn't ACTUALLY end up picking any apples, but we braved a wonderful lunch in the restaurant with the 2 boys, watched J.J. have the time of his life on the "Cow Train" and purchased some delicious apples, cider donuts, and dumplings to take home with us.

I suppose we've saved the biggest news for last to report on here. As you've probably already heard we are pregnant for the third (and, most likely, final) time. Although I have a pretty solid working knowledge of how babies are made, I still find myself shocked that this has happened. We've had a couple of months for the news to sink in before we went public with it, but the primary feeling, unfortunately, is still one of being overwhelmed, mostly with the thought that my latter two children will only be 17 months apart. Somehow, one child seemed fair for two parents, two has proven to be a bit of an uneven match, so I can't imagine what 3 is going to feel like. However, I can say that after my first doctor appointment this past Monday and having the opportunity to hear the baby's heartbeat, I find myself at a slightly greater degree of peace about the whole situation. I have also received much encouragement from family and friends, so thanks you guys. We know that it takes a village to raise a child - so count on us calling you in for back-up.

This pregnancy has been significantly rougher than the previous two. I have been much more nauseous, exhausted (no doubt in part to caring for two busy boys), and emotional, and I have a feeling that once I start feeling normal (which, for those of you who know me well, will find that descriptor relative as well as debatable) I will find myself relishing this pregnancy and looking forward to meeting our third baby. We're not sure yet what will get James to that point, but to his credit he has taken the news far more calmly than me, and has been a real hero in this house the past couple of months. We would be living in starvation and squalor if not for his care of our family.

So, that's our update, a month or so late. As I start to feel more myself I hope to keep up a little better with our happenings.

My man RULES....and other anecdotes about my boys

James truly continues to astound me with his abilities to be handy around the house. To the best of my knowledge, he has not had vast experience (if any) remodeling a bathroom in the past and yet he has redone both of ours in the past year. Not to mention various other household issues he has figured out during our five years here. With that said, I know I can speak for both of us by saying once again how much we are NOT fans of house projects: the time, the expense, the chaos - all of these doubled or tripled by the time you are done. Anyway, the bathroom is complete, as evidenced here:

Ben had his 9 month checkup last Wednesday, and is weighing in at 20lbs. and is measuring 28 3/4 inches long. He took his shots like a champ, as always, but both Jeran and I still aren't fans of watching it happen. Here you can see Daddy helping Ben update his resume:

Benjamin P. Louwerse

Executive in charge of drool production

Proficient in rolling over, sitting up, and giggling

Some experience with solid foods including Cheerios, bananas, and bread products

He's cute as ever and SO BUSY! I realize lately how long it's been since I've had an older baby to entertain. It's always on to the next thing for him, so I'm constantly scrambling to find new toys (or other household objects, i.e. - spoons) to keep him occupied and happily exploring. Lately he'll assume the crawling position, but can't quite coordinate all his body parts to get him places.

Jeran started Little Lambs today, which is a preschool-type program held at a church some of my friends attend. Judging by the amount of nerves I had this morning, you would have thought he was ACTUALLY starting school today. Or entering the military. I'm always anxious about how he'll behave for others, especially when social protocol is required (such as sharing and sitting in one spot for more than 30 seconds). He absolutely loved it and was able to tell me all about the stories he heard, the songs he sang (which he's been going around the house singing bits and pieces of all afternoon), the trains he played with, and the ladybugs he saw that got out of the bucket, apparently. I was also nervous about the whole potty thing since that is a requirement for him to go, and we've still been nailing it down. He admitted to me that he did not, in fact, use the potty during the allotted time, but he was still dry when I came to get him which is a great sign. There were also no other accidents of the OTHER type to speak of, which I was more concerned about. I feel really good about having him in this setting. My personality (which I think is rubbing off on him) is to ease into things, so this seems like a next step toward actual school.

And as for me these days? Still working on a part-time job, ideally in the realm of tutoring, and enjoying taking care of my kids and reading books rather than planning lessons and grading papers. Truly a blessing.

Adventures in haircutting...and beyond

Let's recap the last several days in the life of the Louwerses, shall we? Friday, dawning clear and beautiful (at least I think it did. That was a long time ago.) promised to be a day of fun for the boys and me. We were accomplishing much with our errands and had a lunch with daddy to look forward to. Of course, before we could get to that exciting event, we first had to endure...the haircut. (dum dum DUM - believe me, it warrants the suspenseful music). We go to a place that is especially for kids because I figure they're trained to deal with my haircut-phobic son. We're on -what- haircut #10 of his lifetime at this point, and each time I pump myself up and do a lot of positive self-talk about how this will be the time that it will finally click with Jeran that it does NOT, in fact, hurt him but is actually a pretty darn good time! He gets to watch a Thomas movie while it's happening, for Pete's sake, and cute girls are bribing him with suckers and bubble-blowing. Alas, 10 is not the magic number. There was the usual amount of screaming, squirming, and tears. Generally, if there are other patrons around, I feel that I get the look of sympathy, but this time the other mother in attendance looked at my son in a rather horrified fashion, and because I still have a hard time putting aside what other people think, I grew judgementally angry at her supposed judgement of me. At least the stylist tried to make me feel better by telling me about the kid who clocked her one in the jaw just the other day. As soon as the clippers stopped their buzzing and the cape was removed J.J. was, of course, fine, hair-covered lollipop aside.

Following our lunch with Dad (which is always a treat) and thinking our drama was over for the day, we headed home. About 10 minutes into our 25 minute drive, Jeran suddenly started crying and saying "uh-oh! uh-oh!". Next thing I know he is emptying the contents of his stomach all over his shirt. And this continues...and continues... So I'm desperately trying not to gross out while also calmly finding a spot on the side of the road to pull over. Long story short - I did a quick, crappy roadside clean-up job, got the boys home and tucked into bed for naps, then proceeded to toss the car seat and his clothes into the garbage and wipe up what remained in the car as best I could. I mean, what is with this kid? Carsickness? Lactose intolerance? (There was a lot of dairy at lunch.) It just seems so wierd that 2 weeks in a row he suddenly, with no other symptoms, gets ill like that. Thankfully, it was a one-time deal, but Saturday we laid low anyway, just taking care of details like mowing the lawn (James) and another haircut (me - NOT crazy about it).

Saturday night about 9 p.m. James went to take a look at the bathroom (as he's been doing frequently since he began the dreaded bathroom project - again I say, dum dum DUM!) and noticed more mold growing around the bottom of the bathroom vanity. NOT good. Apparently moisture was trapped under this (very old) vanity and wasn't getting a chance to dry out. So, following some angry outbursts, James proceeded to rip up the vanity and some flooring underneath, and we made a trip to Lowe's the next day for a new bathroom cabinet and sink. Currently, then, the bathroom is looking like:

Seriously, renting or at the very least, townhome ownership, is looking like a really viable option for our future.

I'm happy to say the last two days have been uneventful. After our zoo plans for yesterday got rained upon, we lunched at the train restaurant, and today had a great morning playing with some friends (thanks for a great time, Sal!) and James & Jeran got fitted for tuxes since they'll both be in a wedding in a few weeks. J and I breathed a sigh of relief when Jeran was totally compliant to the measuring process (having his own tape measure and some peanut M&M's along helped probably).

Potty training update: not much to say there. Good days and bad. We're not at a point where Jeran will tell us when he has to go (although that's happened a few times), so it's still just a guessing game, or, rather, a sit on the potty every half hour game.

Home again

After all my bellyaching last week (sorry about that, by the way) the weekend actually turned out really great. Jeran was back to normal on Friday, but we pretty much laid low except for a wonderful dinner with Grandpa and Grandma Louwerse. Saturday, while James fished and the boys hung out with Grandma Louwerse, I was able to join with family to partay in honor of my cousin's first baby (estimated to arrive in early October). It's hard in a way to see my family getting older: grandparents, parents, even cousins - getting married, having babies. I guess because, no matter what, change is just always hard for me. I think I'm just sad, too, that we don't get to see each other very often. Anyway, as usual, I digress. On Saturday evening, Jeran, James, and I got to hang out at the beach for awhile with my brother, after which my parents and Ben joined us for supper. Such a great time, especially since we don't get to see my bro and his wife NEARLY enough (and this time my sis-in-law was galavanting around Guatemala - we missed you, Meliss! I suppose you weren't galavanting so much as...hmmm...what type of gait do you adopt, would you say, when you're working?). Sunday the Louwerse clan was gathered together in Caledonia at Tim and Ruth's, with Uncle Darwin and Aunt Lorraine from Iowa added to the mix. A wonderful time of catching up. Sunday evening we got together with friends we haven't seen since college (going on almost 10 years now?!) at their home - fantastic (both the time spent hanging out AND their home, actually). Monday morning Jeran and I hit the beach again which was really relaxing, and I was grateful to get some one-on-one time with him while James golfed.

Then, of course, we battled the traffic to get home. It was a four-and-a-half hour comedic blend of tag-team crying from the boys, threats directed at three-year-old misbehavior, and muttered curses at the endless construction and traffic (like we don't know better than to expect that by now). All in all, though, a great holiday weekend, and a good end to the summer, as much as we hate to see it come to an end. And the drive home wasn't all bad, as we were graced with this glorious sunset.

Never a dull moment

Visions of a glorious, long holiday weekend in Michigan have been stamped to smithereens in the last 24 hours (and thus begins another dramatic post by yours truly). A friend from church offered to let the boys and I ride with her to Holland on Wednesday night, and I gladly took her up on that. The weekends here always fly by, so it's nice to take advantage of some extra time. The trip started off splendidly: the babies fell asleep, and the boys got to do some goofing around together and watched some Diego. About 15 minutes from my parents' house, Jeran suddenly got sick. It wasn't much at that point which was good, but as soon as we pulled in the driveway and opened the van door the floodgates opened. It was horrible. Praise the Lord (seriously) for an understanding friend and a mom who stays up late. :) They were huge helps. We got Jeran bathed and into bed, everything cleaned up, and all seemed well (except that J.J. slept with me, so every single noise he made woke me up). I chalked up the experience to overtiredness (we got in at 11) and possible carsickness. This morning he was back to normal, and we were looking forward to a morning at the beach. Uh, WRONG. It was totally overcast and cool, with threats of rain in the forecast. So there went that plan. The boys and I stayed around home instead and played, visited the park, etc. It really was fine. Until after nap time, when Jeran woke up not feeling well and spent the next hour vomiting. So much for carsickness. At this point plans with my in-laws went out the window since we did not want to pass on any potential germs to them (my lucky parents get to keep them all here!). As for tomorrow (and yes I'm complaining, but it's my blog, darn it!) lunch with friends and a haircut are off the agenda. What I hate more than all of my plans breaking (because I AM an anal-retentive planner, so I really hate that) is seeing my child sick. It's a really helpless feeling, and throwing up is nothing compared to what some parents have to watch their children go through. This experience has reminded me that health is something we grossly take for granted until we don't have it. So for now we'll just take this opportunity God has given us to SLOW DOWN and take it easy and be thankful that we still have the chance to be in Michigan with family and friends (even though most of them will be avoiding us due to the looming threat of a flu virus - not that I blame them).

New perspective

Wow - I'm not sure what brought about such a meltdown yesterday, but I'm going to go ahead and chalk it up to [whispering] "that time of the month". Today I feel much better about the whole situation, in no small part due to all of the encouragement and advice I have received. I am feeling much more laid back about the whole thing, as I think I had my expectations set WAY too high to begin with. We're definitely going to keep at it but not expect anything miraculous to happen real soon. Today has been a much better day as far as Jeran's compliance with trying and his success as well. Not sure if my attitude or his achievment is the chicken coming first or the egg but no matter. All is well for the time being.

Potty training, day....blech..whatever

So I really feel like a crazy person. I don't know what's going on with me. I cannot understand why I'm such an emotional basketcase over this stupid potty training. Am I expecting too much? Probably. I guess I'm just ready to throw in the towel on the whole thing b/c I feel like out of Jeran and I, I am the only one who is remotely interested in this whole venture. Whatever gains I thought I was seeing in the last 2 days are nil today. It's a fight to get him to even sit on the potty much less to stay there. He could care less if he pees on it; in fact, when it happens it seems merely to be an accident. He'll look "down there" kind of surprised like. He's equally content to go to the bathroom in his Pull-Up or even underwear the few times I have tried that. If my timing isn't exact we'll miss the potty and he's gone in the Pull-Up. In fact, when we got home from errands this morning I set the timer for 3 minutes until "potty time" and within that short time he went! My thoughts are consumed with these thoughts (and these thoughts only, which is probably why I'm feeling so nuts): "How long since Jeran was last on the potty? Does he need to go? Did he ALREADY go? Is he still dry? I need to ask him if he's still dry. How long should I make him sit on the potty? Is it worth him screaming and crying b/c he doesn't WANT to sit on the potty?" and then they start all over again. I have a headache. I am turning into a very ugly person with a hair-trigger temper. It does not seem worth it, and I'm stuck between thinking I should just try again in a couple weeks and being worried that I'm giving up too soon. I know this: I'm definitely outta this prison called my house after the boys are in bed tonight. I think I'll go check out that mental health facility in Tinley Park. Oh darn, they closed down. Hmmm...I guess it'll be Starbucks then.

Day 2...

...of our bathroom adventures has drawn to a close. I'm beat, that's all I can say. Being so hyper-vigilant about making sure J.J. gets his toilet time is no easy task (or maybe I just make it complicated - it's been known to happen). Here's the brief synopsis, which is all I have energy to relive at the moment: there is some headway being made, but it's definitely an uphill battle. And while making our way up this hill we are encountering heavy, blasting winds, large boulders, and slippery slopes (not that I'm melodramatic about the whole situation AT ALL), so there have been a few backward motions along with any ground we have gained. I made the mistake today of switching up the "treats" given for staying dry, so I think he became slightly less motivated, but there were a lot of good moments today too. We just gotta keep pressing on...

Speaking of bathroom adventures, we have an unexpected bathroom project happening this weekend (GREAT timing, I know). Our "guest" bathroom, for lack of a better term, has seen its share of tsunamis created by, you guessed it, the 3-year-old storm known as Jeran. While you might imagine (as I did) that bathrooms are generally built to hold up to some moisture damage (or downright drenching) we find, as with so many other things in our home, that things are built, how should I put it, shoddily. In two of the corners yesterday morning we noticed (gulp) mold starting to grow. (At this point everyone is just clamoring to come over to our house, I know: a moldy bathroom and not-quite-toilet-trained three-year-old? Bring on the fun!). Upon taking off some of the trim and a corner of the flooring, James discovered that everything was VERY wet. This ugly phenomenon continued the more floor he took up. It is, in a word, gross. I'm thankful we discovered this problem before it could get out of hand, but it now creates some definite work for my hubby (much to his chagrin). We just are not project people (probably much to my parents' chagrin, as they always had a household project going on while I was growing up, at least to my recollection. You would think the love for it would rub off). We're pretty ready to be done doing things to this house. On the other hand, the bathroom was in sore need of some sort of updating, so I suppose it's a blessing in disguise. Also, it can't hurt our resale value come time to unload it...uh, sell I mean.

I am HORRIBLE at taking before and after pictures but have at least bumped up a notch to remembering mid-project. SO - just for kicks, here's where things stand now:

Hopefully it's obvious that we don't normally have a toilet in our tub. And look at this close-up of the LOVELY tiling we found underneath the current stuff. Who knew?

And where is Benj in the midst of all the madness? Being his cute, jovial self and kickin' that skill of sitting up in the heinie:

Could this be the start of his love affair with books? If J.J. and I have anything to say about it, you betcha!

Potty training...Day 1

To begin with, I have always understood that teaching a child to leave his diapers behind in lieu of the loo (ha ha - couldn't resist) was a big deal for the parents and have shown what I believe to be the appropriate amount of excitement over each accomplishment that was brought to my attention. With that said, as with many other things in the parenting realm, I never REALLY "got it" until I was walking in those potty-obsessed shoes.
Louwerse Operation "pee on pot" is slow going thus far, and I will admit it already has me frustrated. The rational part of me knows it is ridiculous to get beaten down after one morning. The sick-of-changing-diapers part of me was really hoping this would just be a raging success from the get go. It seems to come down to the fact that he CAN go where he's supposed to but really doesn't want to. And I'm not sure what to do with that. Not that it doesn't fit his personality - Mr. Strong-Willed. A friend loaned me the book Potty Training 1-2-3 and the basic premise is that the child gets rewarded for keeping his diaper dry, not actually going on the potty. The whole point is to keep the diaper dry. So we check his diaper every 15 mins. or so, and if he's dry he gets a treat (today it's Cheetos - brilliant move, Mom. On top of everything else I have to be vigilant about avoiding cheesy fingerprints everywhere). If he actually goes in the pot he gets a DOUBLE treat and lots of praise (Cheetos AND peanut M&Ms. Ok, I'll admit it, I keep sneaking some of the treats too. I deserve it!). So this went relatively well. After about an hour and a half he actually went in the desired spot - hooray! We ecstatically ate our Cheetos and M&Ms and called Daddy at work who also doled out lots of congrats and "phone - fives". Later on my enthusiasm crashed when I realized he was going in little bits, then waiting until the Pull-Up was back on to really let 'er loose. Grrr.... I have continued with this process, however, as I don't want to be a quitter in the first 3 hours of this task. However, feigning joyous fervor over a dry diaper only to find it filled a few minutes after getting off the potty is wearing me down. I'm thinking when he gets up from nap time (with a full Pull-Up, no doubt) it will be time to just switch to underwear so he doesn't have the safety net. In which case I will need to guard our new couches with my life and imprison J.J. in one area of the house, preferably one with pee-proof flooring. Sigh - I KNOW we will get there. This is just a different type of milestone to hit because it requires patient and consistent TEACHING. With things like crawling, walking, talking, although we did some instructing, for the most part he just got there when he was good and ready. Maybe that's the exact advice I need to take to heart just now.
We are open to thoughts/suggestions/encouragement/tough love.....bring it on. In the meantime if you need me I'll be in the...well, you know.

Summer...already winding down

Even though summer is working it's way to a close (if the thought makes you panic a bit, keep in mind fall does not OFFICIALLY begin until September 22 - phew), it's a very different feeling this year with not returning to full time teaching. There is some sadness about not being with my fellow teachers but no regret on my part about that. It means more time with my boys and prolonged summertime fun. And less money. But I'm trying not to dwell on that part. Much. (Philippians 4:13 for Pete's sake!)

We enjoyed a fun-filled family weekend. Weekend aside for a moment, I just have to say how much James and I are LOVING our new, low-key life. We had run so hard and fast for so long with all of our commitments that it is just a magical time right now for us to realize we have virtually nothing dictating our evenings and weekends. It's been a great thing for our family unit. Anyway, the weekend.....Friday night we enjoyed a backyard campfire. When we can't get out for the real thing (and let's face it, with a three-and-a-half-year-old and an 8 month old, well, we're just not that brave) it's a pretty nice substitute. Saturday was breakfast and a brief shopping trip at one of our very favorite places...IKEA. You cannot beat feeding the entire family for five bucks and then browsing countless home items that you really don't need but are still incredibly cool. In the afternoon we got to experience the phenomenon that is Go Fish. This musical group is made up of 3 very wacky guys who record Christian kids' music, basically. But their motto (and I tend to think they've accomplished it after seeing them Sat.) is that they make music for kids that won't drive their parents bonkers. :) Despite the fact that I think James ended up being embarrassed to be seen with me, we all had a great time and the event presented Jeran and I with some new music to listen to in the car (since he tends to get stuck on one CD for a looooong time).

Ben says, Whoa! That's loud!

Jeran, getting in to the excitement, with

his buddy, Ellie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wkc9-SvqfDM

Because I have no clue how to upload a YouTube video here (if you have insight please share) here's the link to my favorite song of theirs thus far: The Mom Song.

Yesterday we enjoyed our day of worship and rest (for James that included fishing :) ).

This morning the boys and I made it to a splash park which was the perfect activity with the temperatures on the rise again. We'll most likely hit it another time this week since both boys liked it so immensely. So as you can see, we continue to let the good times roll and enjoy each blessed day we are granted.

Jeran was not interested so much in the water at first as the train they had there....shocking.

Ben, however, found the water entrancing.

Disgusted

Please allow me to vent for one brief moment here about the state of the parks in our fair town here. Not only have I discovered various forms of garbage on the playgrounds, as one might expect, I have also found open condom wrappers, detonated fireworks, and today I can add to the list....doggie poopie. Yes, that's right...canine crap. Not so unusual, you claim? How about...placed smack dab in the middle of the stairs at the top of a slide. Yeah, nice.....
This morning on our walk we passed one of several parks in our area, so I let Jeran loose for a few minutes. He climbed to the top of the equipment and I heard him utter, "Uh-oh" but didn't think much of it. A few minutes later he said, "Mommy, wanna climb with me?" Sure, why not? As we're heading up the steps he says, "Oo, I smell something, Mom."
"Really, J? What?"
"It smells like poop."
I suddenly realized I could smell it too, and as we rounded the top landing...bam. There it was. I am hard pressed to believe that some dog unintentionally found his way to the top of a kids' play area and was suddenly seized with the urge to do his duty. This really seems like a clear-cut case of teenage vagrancy. I guess that's just the old-fogey in me who's tired of seeing teens hanging out where her kids like to play and stumbling across the evidence of their thrill-seeking the following morning. To be fair, though, I do remember being a teen at one time and upon several occasions finding myself hanging out a playground. What is the irresistable pull to "hang" at such a place? Who knows? I can't reach back in my memory that far.
As the concerned citizen that I am, I had good intentions of calling up the park district when I got home to report the poop, but as I sit here 12 hours later I realize it never happened.

Storms

Phew! Wow...well, what an evening of excitement! I was at the library, minding my own business, engrossed in People magazine (it's amazing what one can get into for a brief time of peace and quiet), when I heard the librarians commenting about how nasty it was getting outside. What?! Time to scoot home. No sooner had I gotten back than the tornado sirens went off - a sound that unleashes a tingle of fear down to my very toenails. So of course I immediately panicked and ran to the boys' room (ok, in my defense, it was not really a run - more like a very speedy walk). They were both still awake, so I grabbed them and brought them - where? We don't have a basement and no real "interior" room. I thought I remembered reading something about a bathtub in this case? So I brought the boys into the bathtub with me (ha ha, yes, I know, I can hear you laughing). James, meanwhile, was keeping tabs on the weather and telling me to not overreact. Dear man. He is always working to keep me calm in these situations. During the night on a camping trip to Maine we once heard a wolf/coyote howling, and he assured me it was an owl. I chose to believe him. Anyway, I digress... My reply to my very calm hubby was, "The TORNADO sirens are going off! When exactly should I overreact? When the roof is coming off?!" So we sat in the bathtub, the four of us, James frequently leaving to check the weather and look out windows - aren't both of those major no-no's during a tornado warning? No more so than sitting in a bathtub I suppose. Jeran and Ben thought it was a GRAND adventure, making each other laugh hysterically which made me laugh which was exactly the medicine I needed at that moment. After a few tense moments and lots of prayer, the danger (such as it was) has subsided. And so I close with a spectacular lightning display out my window and the symphonic sounds of my overtired boys' cries filling the house. Ah, summer......

Summer....continued

I looked at the calendar today and found myself wondering where the heck today WAS, and then I realized we've switched over to August! Egads! We've been enjoying summer immensely here. It's been relatively mild, which I'm thankful for since I'm a wuss in the heat. We've made another zoo trip, with several more in the works, spent time in the backyard, concentrating mostly on the mini-pool, visited with friends (most recently our beloved Kris and her new baby, Cole - what a sweet pea!), swam at the pool with Steph and Holland, taken walks, played at the park, stopped at the library .....so - although not wild and crazy, very enjoyable to us. The boys also lucked out and got to spend an entire weekend with Nana here at the house while James and I ventured out on our annual camping trip with "the gang". All I can say is - fabulous food, friends, campfire, and a pontoon boat on a sunny Saturday. Good times.

Ben grows more and more animated with each passing week. He is extremely vocal: squealing, laughing, babbling, and ALWAYS moving. He's constantly reaching for and grabbing anything in sight and remotely within reach. If it's not within his reach he engages his newly acquired skill of getting his "roll" on. He's just ITCHING to go places. You can almost see that in his mind he's speed-walking around the house, but his 8-month-old body is hindering him. By moving tummy to back,though, he's starting to get places which makes mommy more vigilant about what toys are laying around. He also loves to gnaw the living daylights out of whatever object is unfortunate enough to find itself in his grasp. It is absolutely glorious to watch, and I feel like I can actually see his mind turning things over, working things out, etc. With a little bit of support yet, the Benj is also doing some pretty strong sitting. Currently he has stalled at two teeth, but that's good enough for us.

Jeran. What can I say about Jeran? He is my firstborn, strong-willed, stubborn child. In a word, he's: me. I feel I so easily fall into the trap of being negative where he's concerned. It's true that in recent weeks I feel we've regressed about a year and a half back, behavior-wise, experiencing fits, tantrums, and defiance that have not been seen in this house to this degree for many many months. It's also true that he's all boy: loud, busy, destructive. But there are also the facets of his personality that I love and treasure with all my heart: his boundless energy (when connoted negatively - busy, I guess), his enthusiastic love, his outgoing joy, his curiosity, playfulness, numerous hugs and kisses, cheezy smile, giggles (especially when they are directed at Ben and cause him to laugh too). From the very beginning I vowed to cherish every moment with him, even the hard ones. And that was an easy promise to make to myself when his adorable infant self occupied most of our time with sleeping. Now, when the rubber meets the road, I want to remember that in the blink of an eye, he'll be graduating high school and embarking on his own road of life, and I want no regrets when that moment hits.

Anyway.....I feel so blessed to be having this summertime with him (two days a week of tutoring notwithstanding) and even more blessed that I will not be returning to full time teaching come the fall so that our summertime can linger on. Today we've had a great morning of romping outside in the sprinkler and attending an outdoor "concert", with music provided by Jeran himself. An eclectic mix of tunes including but not limited to "Old MacDonald" and one of Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" (which he heard on one of Ben's toys). He's had SUCH a hard time entertaining himself lately for some reason, but the rest of his morning has been spent building with his train tracks and blocks and coming up with little scenarios involving his trains and cars. It's been so fun to listen to him using his imagination, and it has allowed me some one-on-one time with Ben which doesn't often happen.

One other interesting factoid about Jeran: we have officially entered into the time of "why"? "Because why"? is something we hear following any instructions/requests/demands/explanations that we give. The challenge I'm finding is to give more creative answers than "Because I said so".

By the way, his week of VBS was great!! The end of the week program? Hilarious followed by mortifying. The photo below is the only one I got of him clearly visible and standing still. He was a terror! Climbing the front stage steps and jumping off, over and over; running back and forth across the stage, with some singing and dancing thrown in. I finally just yanked him off since it quickly turned into the Jeran show rather than a program meant to display what the kids had learned about Christ that week. Whoops. Clearly too young for that sort of thing yet. Live and learn.

Jeran is the second kid to the left in the bottom row, next to the cute blond with the sundress.