Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bring it on, '10

Another calendar year has come and gone. At this time last year I was just about 5 months pregnant with our latest boy, yawning mightily as we attempted to see midnight. Hmmm, this year might not be too much different except for that whole pregnant part. Recent events have me reflecting on 2009 and wondering about 2010. By recent events I mean the whining and ranting I did here . The day following these whinings and rantings my hubby asked me as he was leaving for work whether I thought it was going to be a good day or a bad day, and I replied that the day would be whatever it would be. Somehow at that moment those words struck me as profound. Truly, the day was going to go in whatever direction the Lord led it. It was completely out of my hands. As is true of every day. What IS within my control is how I respond to each situation, whether it be crisis, inconvenience, or all according to how I planned. And so I enter into 2010 using the wisdom of this startling revelation. I need to let go of whatever expectations and perceptions I have of what each day "should be" and exercise enough flexibility that I can embrace what each moment IS. Sounds like a tall order. Perhaps now is not the right time to enact my "give up caffeine" resolution.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Traditions

You may not be aware that on Tuesday night I was a featured singer in a production of Handel's Messiah. Well, not a featured singer so much as a member of a thousand-person amateur chorus. Regardless, singing in the Do-It-Yourself Messiah has been a favorite Christmas tradition for the past six or so years. As I sat amidst my fellow enthusiasts, participating heartily in the alto line, letting the vocal and instrumental solos wash over me and lead me into praise of my Savior, I reflected on Christmas traditions. So I present to you this non-comprehensive list. Whether they are brand new, years old, or just in theory at this point, these are some of the traditions in our home and family.

- Advent calendars: this one I grew up with and began with our kids this year. I wish I could say that everyday we opened our little window, read the story/verse, and had meaningful discourse about the reason for the season. As it is I think we accomplished 5 total days, opening about 5 windows each of those days. And even then the boys were more interested in the pieces of chocolate that lay within the windows. Anyway, it's a great way to anticipate Christmas Day and a great teaching tool for the young ones.


- Advent wreath/candles: I always loved this tradition in church and my home growing up. I love how this tradition lends itself to reflection on the meaning of this season and application for my own life. My grandpa made me a beautiful wreath a few years ago which I finally adorned with some decoration this year. However, the candles were MIA, so I guess I need to get on the ball with that one next year.


- Music: As soon as Thanksgiving hits I finally feel justified in pulling out the Christmas tunes, and they play non-stop through New Year's. Favorite albums: Casting Crowns "Peace on Earth", Chris Tomlin "Glory in the Highest", The soundtrack to "A Charlie Brown Christmas", Andrew Peterson "Behold the Lamb of God", Handel's Messiah.
The Do-It-Yourself Messiah I alluded to. It's held downtown and beautifully orchestrated and directed. It's such a treat (and, at times, a feat) to be able to participate in the choral pieces. Beautiful.
I think that this year also marked the first year of Christmas karaoke, eh girls? You know who you are.


- Holiday Magic at Brookfield Zoo: our first year for this tradition was this year. The biggest hits were the polar bear and the huuuuuge indoor train set. Oh yeah, and all the lights of course.


- Giving: James's family started the tradition several years back of donating to CRWRC. What's cool about donating to this cause (Christian Reformed World Relief Committee) is that they send out a catalog each Christmas season and you can select specifically to what you would like to give, anything from goats, to clean drinking water, to education. This Christmas we're looking forward to getting Jeran involved in making our choice.

-Movies: the list of yearly must-sees includes It's a Wonderful Life, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Charlie Brown Christmas, and A Christmas Story.

-Decorating: we're usually in Michigan for Thanksgiving, but as soon as possible after we return home I fire up the Christmas music and pull out the decorations. While we didn't have a tree this year (don't even get me started) we got to help decorate my mom's, and the boys absolutely loved it!

-Baking: those of you who know me well are probably blinking in confusion at your screen right now. I don't really bake. I ruin most things I bake. But for some inexplicable reason I was seized by the desire to try my hand at holiday goodies. Successful yummies were orange-cranberry bread/muffins and peanut butter blossoms (the peanut butter cookie with the Hershey's kiss adorning the top). Nothing fancy but I was pretty darn proud of myself. I'd like to give props to my hubby who helped perfect the recipes and, as usual, taught me a thing or two about work in the kitchen.

Writing: I like to update family and friends on our goings-on via the Louwerse Christmas Crossword which has been a tradition for six years running. This blog may end up making such an update obsolete. Time will tell.

May you enjoy a blessed Christmas and whatever your traditions, may they be filled with faith, family, and friendship. Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Happy Medium

I'm wondering if there is such a thing as a happy medium in this life as a parent to young children. I feel that each day swings between extremes with not much time spent in that calm, contented, middle-of-the-road place. The two comments I hear most from people, strangers and loved ones alike, are as follows:

"Oh, these are the best years of your life! Someday you will look back on them and be so sad that they're gone!"

"Wow, three boys; you are a busy lady. Hang in there! It gets better!"

I don't begrudge anyone their opinion on these matters. In fact, I'm sure there's more than a little truth to these statements. What I'm left wondering is, is this my only option? To hang on for dear life to each day that is alternately whizzing and dragging by me, wondering when the craziness will let up, and at the same time looking forward to a future of regret that said craziness is past and my children are gone?
To be clear: I do love my life. My husband. My children. My friends and family. I love that I am able to be home exclusively as a mom right now and not have to be torn in 100 different directions outside the home. I love my boys' energy and laughter. And I know that one day I most certainly will look back with a modicum of fond nostalgia on these days. However, I'm exhausted, people. All. the. time. A typical day includes, but is not limited to: breaking up fights, doling out punishments resulting from these fights, playing, reading, planning meals, making meals, cleaning up meals, wiping faces, wiping noses, wiping butts, preventing accidents, healing boo-boos from accidents I failed to prevent, hugging, kissing, and just in general spending every single second of my day meeting somebody's needs because somebody does need me. All. the. time.
Again, allow me to clarify that in no way do I view every item on the above list as a negative nor am I complaining (ok, I'm complaining a little) about fulfilling the duties on this list. I fully recognize that these are in my job description as a mom. What I'm trying to get at is that I am needed every second of the day. With few exceptions (although there are exceptions; nap times on preschool days for example). I feel like there's barely a time in the day when I slow down. Not only that but all of my boys are at very challenging stages and, each in his own way, has a challenging personality. So while I often enjoy this stage of life, it seems that more often I just feel tired and frazzled. But I don't want to wish this time away because apparently there will come a day when my selective memory will recall only the happy moments, and I'll be afloat on a sea of regret that the time has passed (well, ok, that's probably a little melodramatic, but you know me. That's how I roll).
Here's my bottom line. It's just hard right now. I know that MANY of you reading this are in the same boat or vividly remember being there. And I know that things will in many ways get better and in other ways will be just as hard in a different way. Each season of life has its ups and downs, its joys and challenges. And so once again I recommit to living life one day, nay, one minute at a time. It's all we're given. And God has given each moment to be lived in light of His grace, in whatever life situation He has deemed right and true.
And now time for my disclaimer: my husband rules, y'all. He is truly, without fail, doubt, or exception, the BEST man I know. He daily teaches me the meaning of selflessness, not just because of what he does for me and our sons but for what he does for and how he views all other people. But let's get back to what he does for our family. He does it all. Whatever it takes. Our motto has always been that we are a team, and our marriage has really never been limited to typical gender roles. In light of this, I feel that I must certainly have ended up with the long end of the stick. Not only does he act as handyman, lawn maintainer, etc., but he also cooks like a champ, changes diapers, insists that I get time alone or with friends particularly at the end of those ultra-rough days, gets up with children in the middle of the night, and just in general looks out for the welfare of every member of our family. Without him I would no doubt be a muttering, twitching pile of insanity in the fetal position behind a locked door. So I say, thank you, honey. For understanding me. For being on this wild ride with me. For doing whatever it takes. And for still loving me when I don't. Our boys are so blessed to have you for their father, and I am so blessed to call you not only my husband but my best friend as well.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Jeran's Letter to Santa

As dictated to Mommy:

"Dear Santa: Did you have a good day? My mommy says it's o.k. for me to have a present. Thanks for visiting me when it is Christmas Day. I like Thomas trains so much. Thanks Santa. Thanks for snow and for all the food you give us and for chips. Thank you. The end."

Note to reader: The above is a condensed but accurate version of the original dictated letter. Edited out were a few more declarations of love for Thomas, profuse thank yous, and so on and so forth. You get the gist.

Reformed portion of letter after having a conversation with Mommy:

"Santa: Thanks for all that you do and give us, but God is the one who gives us food and things like that. Thank you. Good-bye."

Thursday, December 10, 2009

December Baby














Happy birthday to Ben, happy birthday to Ben, happy birthday to Beeeeeeeeeennnnnnn! Happy birthday to Ben!
Today he is 2 years old. Dang! Time really does fly, as they say. I don't think I've ever recounted my boy's birth story. So to be fair and not perpetuate that old stereotype of the overlooked middle child I will recount it for you here.
My due date with Ben was December 22. Perfect, since I was teaching at the time and this date fell on the first Saturday of Christmas break. To be safe, I did have my long-term sub all lined up and on deck. I vividly remember seeing her in the school office on a Friday with two weeks of school to go and her saying something to the affect of, "Don't you go into labor on me these next couple of weeks!" We chuckled and I told her Jeran was late, so I wasn't too concerned. With that said, however, something possessed me that weekend (nesting instinct?) to compile sub plans for the remaining two weeks of school. I can recall berating myself for spending so much time on it when they wouldn't even be used. God must have been chuckling over that one.
On Monday morning I arose ready to face a new day and week of winter wonderful with my students. I distinctly remember awakening into semi-conscious at around 5:30 a.m. and thinking that it was a little wet "down there". Wetter than it should have been. I don't really know what the "normal" gauge is for something like that, but we probably don't really want to go there do we? Anyhoo, I shrugged it off and stepped into the shower. Upon stepping out of the shower I knew there was something distinctly different going on with my body than most days. I'll save you all any gory details, but suffice it to say that there was more than just shower water dampening the bathroom rug. Still, I could not bring myself to admit what was really going on here and proceeded to get dressed for my day. 3 outfits later I finally woke James up and told him I was pretty sure my water was breaking. This revelation was followed by, "I need to call Laura and tell her I won't be in. I should also email over my sub plans." James replied calmly, "Maybe you should call the doctor first." What sage advice.
After this everything is kind of a blur. I know we grabbed things (including Jeran) and got in the car (me perched atop a pile of towels and having to change clothes again before leaving), drove to the hospital (after making sure school knew I wouldn't be there), and traded JJ off to our wonderful friend Jeanne who drove down to get him and watched him until my mom could make it out. I was feeling good (though still leaky). No contractions, excited to meet my newest boy, still in shock that he was coming two weeks early. The remainder of my labor was equally uneventful. I got an epidural when the pain began (have I mentioned before how low my pain tolerance is? I wish there was a metaphor that could do it justice), pushed for about 45 minutes, and delivered our Benji at around 2:30 in the afternoon. I have often said that our children's births seem to have been a foreshadowing of their personalities. Laid back is how Ben entered the world and laid back he remains. And two years later it's unfathomable that we ever lived a life that did not contain him and his contagious, effervescent joy.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The diet starts tomorrow

You know the 30s are catching up to you when your oldest child snuggles up next to you, pats your belly, and states excitedly, "You're having another baby, Mom!" Not that I won't readily admit I have thus far been blessed in the area of fast metabolism, but it is a little wake-up call that a few sit-ups a day (and perhaps a few less mini Reeses' peanut butter cups) couldn't hurt.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Hello December

Winter coat: $4 (gotta love the Timothy resale)
Boots: $20
Hat and mittens: $14
Playing outside on the first of December without all that crap: Priceless