Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Mom of the Year

Crikies!  I have a three-year-old!  And I have not so much as made MENTION of it!
My boy's birthday was sadly overshadowed by the passing of my grampa about a month ago now. Wow.  A month already. And wouldn't you know it, in the midst of all that it was my gramma who reminded me of the boy's birthday. Amazing.
So, yes. My boy. Grayson. You can read about his entrance into the world, should you so choose, here.
What can I say about this kid?  If I could freeze him at this age I definitely would. I probably would have done that about a year and a half ago already. But definitely now. He has me in stitches all. the. time.  He is constantly on the move but easygoing. Loving and kind - it's amazing to me how tuned in he is to others' feelings even at this young age. I still call him my baby, and most of the time he's content to let me treat him as such.  I try to pick him up and tote him around and then remember that he's a tank at 39 pounds and must concede that he's a big boy now. To top it all off he's been out of diapers for about two weeks now and doing a marvelous job with the whole potty situation. While his entrance into our family was not so much a planned event (on our part, anyhow), I CANNOT imagine our world without him. I think I can safely say that for the rest of my boys as well.
We did get a chance to celebrate my little love with a bowling excursion which, surprisingly, turned out to be more fun than harrowing. I'm telling ya, we're on the very cusp of the great years with these guys. Check out our fun:
Ready to bowl, baby!
Look at that form!


Can I just say that James filled out the form with all our names? Yikes.

Yes, that's right - James and Jeran tied.  And I was beat by a 7 and 4 year old.

Happy Birthday, Grayson!  And hooray for bowling!
 Other photos, just to prove that this big boy was once a baby.

A ham, now and forever

Monday, May 14, 2012

A Mother's Prayer

Give me patience when little hands
tug at me with ceaseless small demands.

Give me gentle words and smiling eyes,
and keep my lips from hasty replies.

Let me not in weariness, confusion, or noise
obscure my vision from life's fleeting joys.

That in years to come, my house with beautiful
memories its rooms may fill.

~Anonymous

A belated Mom's Day shout-out to the woman who gave me birth and continues to love and nurture me. And to all the incredible moms in my life, either by blood, marriage, or friendship. I have a mighty tribe of you in my life, and I am thankful.



Thursday, May 10, 2012

"Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda

A recent conversation in my home:
Me: I'm no good at cooking. I do not enjoy it.
Hubs: Why don't you just embrace this about yourself? I did a long time ago.
Me: silence.  hearty laughter

It may sound like a cruel statement to the average listener, but it was actually very freeing for me to hear.
I allow myself to fall under the illusion that I have to be great at everything, particularly those gifts which many stay-at-home moms find themselves possessing, like cooking.  Or having clean children. But I'm starting to realize the misery I've been inflicting on myself and those close to me as I strive to be perfect in areas that don't bring me any joy.  While I claim to hold the belief that God has created each of us uniquely, I always find myself comparing me to others and coming up short, rather than exploring how He has actually made me.

On the heels of this conversation at home, I was directed to a book entitled Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. In one section of the book, she deals with the "Things I Don't Do", quoting a friend who encouraged her by saying that it's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about.  What's hard is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.
This. Is sheer genius.
And so unbelievably hard to spell out.  I don't like to feel like a failure, wimp, weakling, quitter.  I have a really, really difficult time admitting that there are some things I just am not good at and don't enjoy. But I love this idea that by admitting and letting go of those things, I will have more room in my life for the things that bring me joy, that God created me to do and love.
And so, here are the lists I have been pondering:

THINGS I DO:
~ I regularly sit at the feet of my Savior, reading His word, talking to and listening to Him. I wish I could say I did this everyday.  I am not there yet.  But more and more, as I get to know Him, I find that true peace comes from trusting and following Him and that all other areas of my life fall into place.
~I spend time connecting with my husband and growing our relationship, living each day walking with and carrying each other, by turns. I have learned so much about what selfless love is from this man.
~ Each day I try (whoops, sorry Yoda) to give a little more of myself than I did the day before to my children, snuggling and playing and laughing and praying with them, teaching them, watching them grow.
~ I have been blessed with some amazing, giving, wise women in my life and I cherish these friendships and strive to make time for them.
~ My mind and soul are fed through reading and writing - two things I don't give a lot of time to these days but I'm adding them to the "do" list because they really need to be there.
~ I am committed to my church family, thriving on the corporate worship and teaching and service and love I am able to give and receive there.  
~ I love for music to infiltrate my life: listening, singing, occasionally playing my violin.
~ And of course there are the have tos: buying groceries, changing diapers, paying bills, laundry/washing dishes/sweeping and vacuuming floors and generally trying to make sure our home is not a danger to our health, because my boys, God love 'em, would probably be pretty content with a bit more squalor than I'm comfortable with.

THINGS I DON'T DO:
~ I don't cook. Wait. Hold on. I "cook". I mean, I can't have anyone starving to death on my watch. But I am ready to let go of the perception that I am, or one day will be, good at it. (See above convo with the hubs). Mind you, I LOVE Food Network. And I will probably offer to make you a meal should you be in a situation where this would make your life easier. But I should ask my hubby first as he'll probably be cooking a good portion of it.
~ I don't keep perfect house either in cleanliness, clutter control, or decor. I'll admit to having a once a week cleaning day to exorcise my compulsion for cleanliness, eliminating dishes I've no doubt let pile up, spraying down a bathroom that by all rights should probably just be lit on fire and done with, and vacuuming up crumbs on a carpet that's a lost cause anyway.
~ I don't give much* of myself to people who are negative to a toxic degree or who suck me completely dry. I don't spend time with those who think I'm less of a person because I don't meet their standards or who just won't try to understand where I am in my life right now.  For example, the fact that I don't shower everyday or may go a week without wearing makeup. Also, my children are very important to me.  If they are too noisy or inconvenient for you right now, we'll probably be going our seperate ways.
~I do not have my children signed up in any and every activity that could conceivably be loved by a child. I would be lying if I said I didn't believe that because of this I have already stripped them of a future in professional sports.  But we've tried to give more precedence to just letting them be kids and spending time as a family.
~I do not landscape and barely garden. My husband helps me select things and plant them. I do my darndest to not let them die but this is a yearly crapshoot.

And what about those things that I WANT to do and for which I feel a passion but have not yet made time for? Like learning to play piano and guitar. Traveling. Perhaps one day fostering a passion for cooking. There are so many things that this life offers, and I can't possibly do them all and certainly not well. So I'll continue pondering these lists and (hopefully) living them out proudly.

* I wish I could say I give NONE of myself to these people, but I'm still working on that "no" muscle. :)







Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Words I Couldn't Speak

What is your only comfort in life and death?*
Color-stained sanctuary
Lily-scented air
Tear-lined cheeks
That I am not my own, but belong - body and soul
To my faithful Savior Jesus Christ
Sun-dappled greenery
Biting chill in the air
Gaping hole
Sealed box
Body and soul
And now we turn to leave you here
Your body
Just turn away
And I keep looking back
Thinking how wrong it feels
To leave you behind
In life and death
Memories
Moments
Love and laughter
Always your laughter
            your encouragement
                 your wisdom
                     your affirmation
To my faithful Savior Jesus Christ
But it is not you we leave here
It is not you for whom I grieve.
Because I belong to Him,
Christ, by His Holy Spirit,
assures me of eternal life
You are whole
You are rejoicing
You are free
and makes me whole-heartedly willing and ready
from now on
to live for Him.
to live

*Heidelberg Catechism Q and A 1