The Plan, such as it is

First of all, please do not take my last post as my commentary on media/humanity in general or you/your family specifically.  This whole thing is merely about what's happening in my home and family and what's not working for us anymore. I certainly don't want to be the cause of any offense or give off the vibe that all technology is evil. Ok, disclaimer over.
Thanks so much to those of you, both here and on Facebook, who have chimed in with encouragement and advice. I am equal parts excited and terrified about this endeavor. Since I decided with certainty to pursue this I just feel all sorts of confirmation and get it repeatedly (based on behavior around here) that it's going to be the right thing. But it's going to be dang hard.
I can already see that the temptation for me will be to run us ragged with activity. But that kind of defeats the purpose of what I want to accomplish.  I want to take the focus off of DOING and just BE.  I want to experience peace in our home and a slowing down. My mantra for the week shall be, "I am not the cruise director!!"
The times that I rely most on the television to entertain my brood is first thing in the morning and during dinner-makin' time. So I can be certain that these will be the moments in which I'll face the greatest temptation.  If I'm going to be brutally honest, anytime I have an agenda is when I most rely on that thing to babysit for me. I've been arming myself for moments in which an activity is needed with a few goodies at the dollar section in Target and by perusing websites where other brave souls before me have pondered alternatives to the t.v.
Another great temptation for me, personally, is going to be logging off Facebook for the week and not checking email the SECOND I'm alerted by my phone. I do use the internet for work, so I've allotted myself an hour and a half a day to handle any work matters (I know, I'm totally spoiled with a flexible at-home job)/respond to emails/blog about our misadventures. Other than that, the laptop and my phone will be tucked away. I will feel very lonely as these devices connect me to a world in which my name isn't "Mom".
SO.  The experiment begins tomorrow. Feel free to follow along here if you wish, as a witness to our triumphs and, perhaps, epic failures.  My prayer is that I'll be open to all sorts of thing God wants to show me, not the least of which is that the t.v. really doesn't have to be the supreme ruler.

It Might Be Time for Somethin' Drastic

Back in college, James and his roommates would jokingly (lovingly?) refer to their television as the "supreme ruler", owing to the significance of time it held over the apartment-at-large's daily schedule.  We would laugh and laugh over the affection and esteem with which the almighty screen was held.

Well, it ain't so funny anymore.

For a long time now there's been a niggling, gnawing fear growing in my mind that we are a bit screen-addicted.  When this guilty realization would begin to rear its ugly head I would do what any mature adult would do. 
Justify.

"We're not as bad as a lot of other people.  Probably."
"My kids aren't affected by it."
"The boys know when to cut themselves off. They barely even watch when it's on."
"It's EDUCATIONAL PROGRAMMING!"

These excuses have grown increasingly weak, and their inability to hold my conscience at bay has loomed over me in recent days. The t.v and computer screens in our household have very much become (gulp) supreme in their monopoly of our time and attention. And if I am honest for just one second I know that there are a number of reasons for that, not the least of which is the fact that it makes my life easier.  When I need to get stuff done or want the boys to quit fighting it's SO stinkin' easy to ask them what they want to watch or play on the computer. And I can catch an extra half hour, easy, of sleep in the morning because they can get up and just switch on the Babysitter.
The educational excuse held up pretty solidly until recently, but PBS Kids has been replaced in a greater capacity by Transformers, G.I. Joe, Phineas and Ferb (ok, ok, I can concede the remote value of this one.  I love that Dr. Doofenshmirtz!), Power Rangers (have mercy), and some Dragon Ball show that screams anime and makes zero sense to me (it might help if I watched more than thirty seconds of it though).  It has been growing harder to ignore the increase in energetic wrestling, fighting,swordplay, and overall aggression in my home in direct proprotion to the growing number of hours spent in front of these shows, not to mention how much harder it seems to be lately for the boys to focus on anything, Jeran's almost nightly bad dreams, and the general feeling of unrest in our home.

I cannot only point fingers at the out-of-control screen habits of the children in this household (and really, whose fault are those anyway?). In the evenings, James and I choose to unwind with a libation of some type and a t.v. show/movie. We are SO.FREAKING.TIRED by the end of the day due to the demands of his job, and my hours upon hours of meeting little people needs that it's about all we can do to crawl to our bedroom and reach for the remote. (Yes. I know.  T.V. in our room.  Something I said I would never have.  Proving once again, never say never.)
Let's digress from the television a minute and talk about the number of hours per day I am attached to my computer. Suffice it to say, carpal tunnel syndrome is becoming a real danger. Oh sure, I can excuse myself with protests of needing it for work, a connection to the outside world (Stay-at-Home-Mom Syndrome), primary form of communication.  But the hard truth is I check Facebook about 15 times a day. And let's not get into the time spent on Pinterest.

This all plays into the time I've spent wondering lately what it is I want for my life/our family life.  More importantly, what does God want for us, but our minds, hearts, and home aren't quiet long enough for us to hear Him? What do I want my children to learn about time and priorities? What do I need to learn about these things?
I think it might be time for something drastic. It may be time for a screen fast. And so, the Plan, such as it is, is to partake in a Great Screen Wean - taking a break from our t.vs and computer for the duration of next week.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! you say.  How about "all things in moderation"?  A complete break from t.v. and computer?  For a WEEK?!  I hear you.  These are all the same thoughts my own head has been screaming at me the past several days. Generally, we live our lives according to moderation in all things. But there are certain areas of my life in which I don't seem to be able to apply this principle. The use of t.v. and computer being one of them.
I guess, too, I just want to be able to prove to myself that I can do it.  That I'm not a complete and utter addict to technology.  And also, I want to see some changes made within our family and myself.  And change requres ACTION.
I'm still fleshing out in my mind how this is all going to come together specifically.  For now I leave you with a request for any words of encouragement/wisdom/suggestion, and a quote from Aristotle:
"We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."  OR, as my very wise husband paraphrased it: "You are what you do everyday".
I don't want to be a boob (tube).

35

So people say that you're only as old as you feel.  That's cool and all, but the last couple of years I mostly don't feel a day over 70. (My apologies for that statement to the energetic, healthy, non-stop 70-year-olds in my life.) 
I hit the big 3-5 Monday. I don't really have much to say about that. It passed fairly uneventfully: some uplifting bday greetings from all my Facebook peeps, a few cards in the mail, Chinese food for dinner, lots of hugs and kisses from my boys, flowers from my man. These things were all wonderful, but I was left with a lot of the day to dwell on life and the past 35 years and gave much thought to the rest of my life that's before, though God only truly knows the number of my days.
All of this think-think-thinking led me to one conclusion, one that I posted confidently as my Facebook status in the morning but came to truly believe by the end of the day:
Age is just a number. 
Numbers frighten me (thank you, 6th-12 grade math for that). More specifically, time frightens me.  I've never had a good handle on time as it relates to the present. I constantly find myself waffling between living in the past (steeped in nostalgia and/or regret) or the future (anxious and anticipating). And as I find more and more of my years behind me, I start to feel a little overwhelmed and panicked by it all.  And you know what? I don't want my life to be quantified by something so insignificant and fickle as years.
I want my life to be counted according to things that MATTER.
-1 God who is my loving Father and the ultimate guiding presence in my life. I want my obedience to and love for Him to become headstone-worthy in the days/weeks/months/years I have left.
-1 husband and the loving sacrifices I am willing to make to put him above myself
-3 boys and the men that they will become
-2 schools which are home to my boys' education right now. What difference will be measured in the lives of the teachers, staff, students, families here because we choose to be an encouraging presence?
-13 states in the continental U.S. (and 2 Canadian provinces!) across which are scattered the immense number of family and friends who I am blessed to have love me.
-14.9 square miles of town in which I live and thousands of people within them. In what ways is God calling me to be a light in dark places? In how many of those lives will God call me to make a difference?
-90 members (approximately) of my church family who feed into my life and with whom I am privileged to serve

Going forward I commit to not allowing the number of years behind or ahead of me dictate the meaning that my life holds. For, as Abraham Lincoln once wisely said, "...in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

Gone campin'

Hey, sorry for the lack of posting.  All of our efforts have been going into not melting. Phew! (wipes brow)

Our first camping outing of the year took place a couple of weeks ago at Cran Hill Ranch in Michigan where we received further evidence that the boys are growing up and growing easier because we did NOT HATE IT! Our moments of feeling overwhelmed and out of our depth were SIGNIFICANTLY less than last year, so I'm glad to tell you that a great time was had by all.
Cran Hill is an extremely family-friendly, Christian-run campground/summer camp. The few days we were there were filled with swimming, fishing, horse-drawn-wagon-riding, s'mores making, ice-cream eating, and family togetherness with my parents and brother/sister-in-law/nephew/nephew-to-be. In our "backyard" was a huge playground:

and in our "front yard", the lake:

Brilliant.
The only downer was that we packed up early on our last day in a steady rain and then drove out of the campground under sun and blue sky. But the rest of the weekend made up for it, and we are already thinking ahead to next year's trip (in these same spots, I hope).

Summer, Weeks 1 and 2

For about 17 years of my life, summer was the golden light at the end of the tunnel, the long-anticipated relief after nine months of reading, writing, and 'rithmetic. And then college came to an end, and for the next seven years of my life my teaching career afforded that same golden light, following nine-plus months of planning, preparations, grading, etc. Now my children are in school. 2/3 of them anyway. And life has come to a screeching halt. I won't lie, there was more fear and trepidation this year than excitement and anticipation as the calendar approached June. I wasn't totally confident I would know what to do with three children 24/7 anymore. It was a strange new phenomenon to almost DREAD summer's arrival.
I am relieved to report that after two weeks of summer break we are all still alive and kicking (for the boys, often, literally).  It's definitely meant some adjustment.  Not only am I not used to my first grader being home all day everyday, he's not used to it either. We've had a few moments where lack of structure has thrown us into a bit of a tailspin.  More often than not, though, we've just been joyfully drinking in summertime.

We kicked off summer with a splash at the local splash pad. I'm so glad my children are still at an age when they love these glorified sprinklers.

Also in week 1, we spent time with some friends in the neighborhood, had some good buddies over to play around in the backyard pool and sprinkler, and attempted a swim session in the pool at our gym.  I LOVE water. Love to be around it, in it, seeing it, hearing it. And so it's always my dream to go and lounge around a pool with my boys for the day.  I tried this limited times last year with no great success - the boys were just too little for me to handle effectively watching all three of them on my own.  Our first attempt this year went pretty smoothly, so I'm hoping we can enjoy more pool days to come! The boys are all taking swimming lessons currently and doing great, so hopefully their growing independence in this area will only further my time-at-the-pool cause.

Week 1 ended with our attendance at a West Michigan Whitecaps (minor league ball team) game with the Berghoef clan. Only the boys and I were able to make this one as James had big plans for golfing with his fellow Trinity alums.  Being realistic, I knew I couldn't successfully wrangle all three boys on my own, so Grayson got to hang out with his aunt Rachel on this particular evening. The fam was set up very comfortably in our own box at the game, complete with unlimited food and drink.  I made sure that Jeran and Ben were VERY clear on the fact that not all ball games get to be attended this way. Don't want them ruined for life for the traditional baseball experience.(ie: bleachers and hot dogs)



I can't say I totally understand this Pig Wearing an Inner Tube mascot, but the boys were sure excited to meet him!





Benj and "my cousin, Meal". :)  That would be Neal, my cousin's son, who we were lucky enough to get to hang out with the following day too!



Another first for the boys during our extended Michigan stay was to see their first in-theater movie. Aunt Rachel was a big help in making this possible.  Have I mentioned how overwhelmed I get by three rambunctious boys? 

Probably one of the most exciting parts of Summer, Week 2 was the fact that we got to welcome home a few people we've been missing like C-R-A-Z-Y the last two years.  My sister-in-law, Jeni, and my nieces and nephew. During their one-year stint as Michiganders a few years back we all grew very close, and it was SO tough to say good-bye, particularly as I'd seen the kids get so tight. Well, long story short, they are back for good (we think. We hope!), and we had the chance to reunite last week.



James' mom got the 8 of us tickets for a train ride - a fun and unique way to catch up.





Cousins!




There are two party poopers missing from this photo!



It was SO GOOD to see these guys laughing together again. (Ah, fart jokes - the universal language of togetherness.)

It's been a fun-filled couple of summertime weeks around here.  Week three, unfortunately, is starting off with some illness and long sleepless, nights.  We're hoping to rally for our big family camping trip at the end of the week.  Stay tuned!

"I've Got Dozens of Dollars": an ode to dads

James found this online this morning, and it gave us a good laugh. Consider this our blanket shout-out to all of you dads out there who are rockin' it as the head of your family and are still able to laugh about it all. And more specifically, Happy Father's Day to the man who has always given me vast amounts of love, support, and encouragement as well as his wacky sense of humor, speedy metabolism, and bad feet (oh well, can't win 'em all). I love you, Dad. Thank you for your love and faithful, godly example.  Happy Dad's Day also to my dad-in-law, who has always made me feel like a daughter and whose faith-filled life and fatherly skills have set an example for his son that has allowed my boys to have an incredible father. And he is an INCREDIBLE father.
Happy Father's Day!

14 Years

There are dishes in the sink.
Toys
dirty clothes
crumbs
strewn about.
A boy pops out of bed for one more
drink
pee
snuggle.
But between us sits wine and candlelight,
there's music in the background that is full of history and emotion,
and your eyes meet mine amidst and among it all,
and there are fourteen-plus years there
and all the moments that have brought us here.
My heart beats steadily
not always in rhythm with yours.
But always with you
I am home.