Summer, Weeks 1 and 2

For about 17 years of my life, summer was the golden light at the end of the tunnel, the long-anticipated relief after nine months of reading, writing, and 'rithmetic. And then college came to an end, and for the next seven years of my life my teaching career afforded that same golden light, following nine-plus months of planning, preparations, grading, etc. Now my children are in school. 2/3 of them anyway. And life has come to a screeching halt. I won't lie, there was more fear and trepidation this year than excitement and anticipation as the calendar approached June. I wasn't totally confident I would know what to do with three children 24/7 anymore. It was a strange new phenomenon to almost DREAD summer's arrival.
I am relieved to report that after two weeks of summer break we are all still alive and kicking (for the boys, often, literally).  It's definitely meant some adjustment.  Not only am I not used to my first grader being home all day everyday, he's not used to it either. We've had a few moments where lack of structure has thrown us into a bit of a tailspin.  More often than not, though, we've just been joyfully drinking in summertime.

We kicked off summer with a splash at the local splash pad. I'm so glad my children are still at an age when they love these glorified sprinklers.

Also in week 1, we spent time with some friends in the neighborhood, had some good buddies over to play around in the backyard pool and sprinkler, and attempted a swim session in the pool at our gym.  I LOVE water. Love to be around it, in it, seeing it, hearing it. And so it's always my dream to go and lounge around a pool with my boys for the day.  I tried this limited times last year with no great success - the boys were just too little for me to handle effectively watching all three of them on my own.  Our first attempt this year went pretty smoothly, so I'm hoping we can enjoy more pool days to come! The boys are all taking swimming lessons currently and doing great, so hopefully their growing independence in this area will only further my time-at-the-pool cause.

Week 1 ended with our attendance at a West Michigan Whitecaps (minor league ball team) game with the Berghoef clan. Only the boys and I were able to make this one as James had big plans for golfing with his fellow Trinity alums.  Being realistic, I knew I couldn't successfully wrangle all three boys on my own, so Grayson got to hang out with his aunt Rachel on this particular evening. The fam was set up very comfortably in our own box at the game, complete with unlimited food and drink.  I made sure that Jeran and Ben were VERY clear on the fact that not all ball games get to be attended this way. Don't want them ruined for life for the traditional baseball experience.(ie: bleachers and hot dogs)



I can't say I totally understand this Pig Wearing an Inner Tube mascot, but the boys were sure excited to meet him!





Benj and "my cousin, Meal". :)  That would be Neal, my cousin's son, who we were lucky enough to get to hang out with the following day too!



Another first for the boys during our extended Michigan stay was to see their first in-theater movie. Aunt Rachel was a big help in making this possible.  Have I mentioned how overwhelmed I get by three rambunctious boys? 

Probably one of the most exciting parts of Summer, Week 2 was the fact that we got to welcome home a few people we've been missing like C-R-A-Z-Y the last two years.  My sister-in-law, Jeni, and my nieces and nephew. During their one-year stint as Michiganders a few years back we all grew very close, and it was SO tough to say good-bye, particularly as I'd seen the kids get so tight. Well, long story short, they are back for good (we think. We hope!), and we had the chance to reunite last week.



James' mom got the 8 of us tickets for a train ride - a fun and unique way to catch up.





Cousins!




There are two party poopers missing from this photo!



It was SO GOOD to see these guys laughing together again. (Ah, fart jokes - the universal language of togetherness.)

It's been a fun-filled couple of summertime weeks around here.  Week three, unfortunately, is starting off with some illness and long sleepless, nights.  We're hoping to rally for our big family camping trip at the end of the week.  Stay tuned!

"I've Got Dozens of Dollars": an ode to dads

James found this online this morning, and it gave us a good laugh. Consider this our blanket shout-out to all of you dads out there who are rockin' it as the head of your family and are still able to laugh about it all. And more specifically, Happy Father's Day to the man who has always given me vast amounts of love, support, and encouragement as well as his wacky sense of humor, speedy metabolism, and bad feet (oh well, can't win 'em all). I love you, Dad. Thank you for your love and faithful, godly example.  Happy Dad's Day also to my dad-in-law, who has always made me feel like a daughter and whose faith-filled life and fatherly skills have set an example for his son that has allowed my boys to have an incredible father. And he is an INCREDIBLE father.
Happy Father's Day!

14 Years

There are dishes in the sink.
Toys
dirty clothes
crumbs
strewn about.
A boy pops out of bed for one more
drink
pee
snuggle.
But between us sits wine and candlelight,
there's music in the background that is full of history and emotion,
and your eyes meet mine amidst and among it all,
and there are fourteen-plus years there
and all the moments that have brought us here.
My heart beats steadily
not always in rhythm with yours.
But always with you
I am home.

Mom of the Year

Crikies!  I have a three-year-old!  And I have not so much as made MENTION of it!
My boy's birthday was sadly overshadowed by the passing of my grampa about a month ago now. Wow.  A month already. And wouldn't you know it, in the midst of all that it was my gramma who reminded me of the boy's birthday. Amazing.
So, yes. My boy. Grayson. You can read about his entrance into the world, should you so choose, here.
What can I say about this kid?  If I could freeze him at this age I definitely would. I probably would have done that about a year and a half ago already. But definitely now. He has me in stitches all. the. time.  He is constantly on the move but easygoing. Loving and kind - it's amazing to me how tuned in he is to others' feelings even at this young age. I still call him my baby, and most of the time he's content to let me treat him as such.  I try to pick him up and tote him around and then remember that he's a tank at 39 pounds and must concede that he's a big boy now. To top it all off he's been out of diapers for about two weeks now and doing a marvelous job with the whole potty situation. While his entrance into our family was not so much a planned event (on our part, anyhow), I CANNOT imagine our world without him. I think I can safely say that for the rest of my boys as well.
We did get a chance to celebrate my little love with a bowling excursion which, surprisingly, turned out to be more fun than harrowing. I'm telling ya, we're on the very cusp of the great years with these guys. Check out our fun:

Ready to bowl, baby!

Look at that form!





Can I just say that James filled out the form with all our names? Yikes.



Yes, that's right - James and Jeran tied.  And I was beat by a 7 and 4 year old.



Happy Birthday, Grayson!  And hooray for bowling!

 Other photos, just to prove that this big boy was once a baby.

A ham, now and forever

A Mother's Prayer

Give me patience when little hands
tug at me with ceaseless small demands.

Give me gentle words and smiling eyes,
and keep my lips from hasty replies.

Let me not in weariness, confusion, or noise
obscure my vision from life's fleeting joys.

That in years to come, my house with beautiful
memories its rooms may fill.

~Anonymous

A belated Mom's Day shout-out to the woman who gave me birth and continues to love and nurture me. And to all the incredible moms in my life, either by blood, marriage, or friendship. I have a mighty tribe of you in my life, and I am thankful.

"Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda

A recent conversation in my home:
Me: I'm no good at cooking. I do not enjoy it.
Hubs: Why don't you just embrace this about yourself? I did a long time ago.
Me: silence.  hearty laughter

It may sound like a cruel statement to the average listener, but it was actually very freeing for me to hear.
I allow myself to fall under the illusion that I have to be great at everything, particularly those gifts which many stay-at-home moms find themselves possessing, like cooking.  Or having clean children. But I'm starting to realize the misery I've been inflicting on myself and those close to me as I strive to be perfect in areas that don't bring me any joy.  While I claim to hold the belief that God has created each of us uniquely, I always find myself comparing me to others and coming up short, rather than exploring how He has actually made me.

On the heels of this conversation at home, I was directed to a book entitled Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. In one section of the book, she deals with the "Things I Don't Do", quoting a friend who encouraged her by saying that it's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about.  What's hard is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.
This. Is sheer genius.
And so unbelievably hard to spell out.  I don't like to feel like a failure, wimp, weakling, quitter.  I have a really, really difficult time admitting that there are some things I just am not good at and don't enjoy. But I love this idea that by admitting and letting go of those things, I will have more room in my life for the things that bring me joy, that God created me to do and love.
And so, here are the lists I have been pondering:

THINGS I DO:
~ I regularly sit at the feet of my Savior, reading His word, talking to and listening to Him. I wish I could say I did this everyday.  I am not there yet.  But more and more, as I get to know Him, I find that true peace comes from trusting and following Him and that all other areas of my life fall into place.
~I spend time connecting with my husband and growing our relationship, living each day walking with and carrying each other, by turns. I have learned so much about what selfless love is from this man.
~ Each day I try (whoops, sorry Yoda) to give a little more of myself than I did the day before to my children, snuggling and playing and laughing and praying with them, teaching them, watching them grow.
~ I have been blessed with some amazing, giving, wise women in my life and I cherish these friendships and strive to make time for them.
~ My mind and soul are fed through reading and writing - two things I don't give a lot of time to these days but I'm adding them to the "do" list because they really need to be there.
~ I am committed to my church family, thriving on the corporate worship and teaching and service and love I am able to give and receive there.  
~ I love for music to infiltrate my life: listening, singing, occasionally playing my violin.
~ And of course there are the have tos: buying groceries, changing diapers, paying bills, laundry/washing dishes/sweeping and vacuuming floors and generally trying to make sure our home is not a danger to our health, because my boys, God love 'em, would probably be pretty content with a bit more squalor than I'm comfortable with.

THINGS I DON'T DO:

~ I don't cook. Wait. Hold on. I "cook". I mean, I can't have anyone starving to death on my watch. But I am ready to let go of the perception that I am, or one day will be, good at it. (See above convo with the hubs). Mind you, I LOVE Food Network. And I will probably offer to make you a meal should you be in a situation where this would make your life easier. But I should ask my hubby first as he'll probably be cooking a good portion of it.

~ I don't keep perfect house either in cleanliness, clutter control, or decor. I'll admit to having a once a week cleaning day to exorcise my compulsion for cleanliness, eliminating dishes I've no doubt let pile up, spraying down a bathroom that by all rights should probably just be lit on fire and done with, and vacuuming up crumbs on a carpet that's a lost cause anyway.

~ I don't give much* of myself to people who are negative to a toxic degree or who suck me completely dry. I don't spend time with those who think I'm less of a person because I don't meet their standards or who just won't try to understand where I am in my life right now.  For example, the fact that I don't shower everyday or may go a week without wearing makeup. Also, my children are very important to me.  If they are too noisy or inconvenient for you right now, we'll probably be going our seperate ways.

~I do not have my children signed up in any and every activity that could conceivably be loved by a child. I would be lying if I said I didn't believe that because of this I have already stripped them of a future in professional sports.  But we've tried to give more precedence to just letting them be kids and spending time as a family.
~I do not landscape and barely garden. My husband helps me select things and plant them. I do my darndest to not let them die but this is a yearly crapshoot.

And what about those things that I WANT to do and for which I feel a passion but have not yet made time for? Like learning to play piano and guitar. Traveling. Perhaps one day fostering a passion for cooking. There are so many things that this life offers, and I can't possibly do them all and certainly not well. So I'll continue pondering these lists and (hopefully) living them out proudly.

* I wish I could say I give NONE of myself to these people, but I'm still working on that "no" muscle. :)

The Words I Couldn't Speak

What is your only comfort in life and death?*
Color-stained sanctuary
Lily-scented air
Tear-lined cheeks
That I am not my own, but belong - body and soul
To my faithful Savior Jesus Christ
Sun-dappled greenery
Biting chill in the air
Gaping hole
Sealed box
Body and soul
And now we turn to leave you here
Your body
Just turn away
And I keep looking back
Thinking how wrong it feels
To leave you behind
In life and death
Memories
Moments
Love and laughter
Always your laughter
            your encouragement
                 your wisdom
                     your affirmation
To my faithful Savior Jesus Christ
But it is not you we leave here
It is not you for whom I grieve.
Because I belong to Him,
Christ, by His Holy Spirit,
assures me of eternal life
You are whole
You are rejoicing
You are free
and makes me whole-heartedly willing and ready
from now on
to live for Him.
to live

*Heidelberg Catechism Q and A 1