35 Things I've Learned in 35 Years

First of all, I'm on another life-changing book kick. I know. The book is called Organized Simplicity  by Tsh Oxenreider, and it is exactly the book I've needed to read for about a year now. Anyhoo...more on that another time.
I was reading on Tsh's blog and came across this post about the 35 things she's learned in her 35 years.  The list totally made me laugh and also nod my head in agreement. So I thought I'd post my own list of 35.  Which feels a little bit lame since I'm stealing the idea from someone else, but I'm a sucker for a good list, so I'm doing it anyway.

1) Treat others as you would want to be treated.
2) Show compassion.  I love this quote: "Be kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." -T.H. Thompson and John Watson
3) A life without coffee is not really a life.
4) God first - family second - career third
5) Legos are a blessing and a curse.
6) Trying to be anyone else other than yourself is exhausting and totally not worth it. And man, have I tried over the years.
7) On the heels of #6, do everything you can to learn about yourself and then find joy in using your own unique gifts and talents in all aspects of life, especially loving and serving others.
8) Surround yourself with people who encourage you and love you for who you are.  Count these people as your true friends, but show kindness to EVERYONE.
9) Live out of a grateful heart (I'm still working on this).
10) When upset or hurt or angry, take at least an hour before talking to anyone else about it (or putting it out on Facebook). Many hurt feelings and misdirected emails and unnecessary rants can be avoided this way.
11) This world is full of hurt and sorrow and disappointment.  Know that this is the reality, but rejoice in the good moments and know that God is present with you through the joy and the pain.
12) The Bible is life's most reliable road map.
13) Read, read, and read some more.
14) When feeling anxious in a social or public-speaking situation, fake it. No one will be able to tell you're nervous unless you let them see it.
15) God's plan is ALWAYS the best one.
16) There is a WORLD of parenting advice out there.  When in doubt, go with your gut.  And also, with your girlfriends. They know you best.
17) Everyone's normal until you get to know them. And then we're all just a little bit crazy together.
18) Pray. Persistently. In other words, PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens)
19) Not everyone you come in contact with is your mission.
20) In college, your plans for the evening will start at 10pm. At 35 this is most likely your bedtime. And this is ok.
21) Work on a 50/50 marriage. It's perfectly acceptable, and even preferable, not to operate out of gender stereotypes.See #22.
22) It's ok not to enjoy cooking as a woman! (It works even better when your man does.)
23) Discern between the mountains and the molehills. Don't lose sleep over the latter.
24) Dancing is almost always a good idea.  Drinking excessively (even when dancing) is pretty much always a bad idea.
25) Live within your means. Debt is bondage.  Do everything you can to live financially free.
26) Having "a place for everything and everything in its place" leads to a much clearer mind and less wasted time (ie: where are those freaking keys????!!!).
27) True peace is found in surrendering your own way and will in favor of God's.
28) Time flies by way too fast.  Enjoy the moment you're in.
29) Don't bother with new furniture when you have children. Particularly boys.
30) Know how much you can handle and then be at peace with that, no matter what anyone says.  You are the only one who can draw your boundaries.
31) Not everyone is going to like you.
32) You're only as old as you feel (this is not always a positive thing, but drink the life out of the age you are anyway).
33) The dishes can wait until tomorrow.
34) Learn to control the screens in your home.  Don't let them control you. (This is another one I'm still working on.)
35) Amazing girlfriends are worth their weight in expensive shoes. It's important to invest in close friendships. (None of my girlfriends actually wear really expensive shoes, least of all me, so I'm not totally sure what I meant by this.  Just that I love my friends a whole lot.)

Words

Words have had an irresistable pull on me from birth (so far as I know.  I draw a bit of a blank on the first three years or so.  And there are also a lot of empty spaces in years 4 through 35 as well.  Anyway....). I had grandparents who would read to me (even the ones who lived hundreds of miles away would send me tapes of them reading books), parents who read to me, a mom who modeled her love for reading and crosswords. Apparently I was so obsessed with words I felt it necessary to smuggle out books from the school library under my dress, a fact that was permanently recorded on my kindergarten report card.  My career as a klepto was short-lived, however, and I moved on to more constructive hobbies, such as learning to read the summer between kindergarten and first grade. And I don't think I've been without a book close by my person since. I would spend hours writing stories (mostly pretty terrible ones, to be honest) while growing up and, to toot my proverbial horn, won the Young Authors competition in third grade for the enthralling tale The Magical Mouse . I have piles of diaries and journals that hold my deepest secrets from my formative years (important things like, you know, the cutest boy in class and what I planned on wearing the next day to catch his eye. Which NEVER happened, first of all, and secondly I had zero style which is moot anyway because what fifth grade boy cares what you're wearing?!).
Words are my constant comfort.  From others' I draw encouragement, knowledge, a sense of camaraderie. They are what I use to work through how I feel and think about anything and everything.  It's criminal the level of release I feel  just by posting a Facebook status that reflects things that are happening in my heart and head. Words are the way I deal.
Sometimes I struggle with this whole having a blog thing.  By its very nature it seems that it should exist for people to read.  Right? I mean, seriously, it has the potential to be so public and all.  And so I get caught up in the comparison game and looking at all of these bloggers who do it for a LIVING, for crap's sake. Or who post something that speaks of my own mind and heart far more succinctly than I could. Or I stress over the fact that mostly what I'm writing seems like complete drivel and who would want to read that anyway? And then the answer comes: me. I write these things for ME.  This is how I process and work through and figure out.  This is my life and the things that I want to remember. And if someone should stumble across these words (or have them shoved down his/her throat by the author) and feel some encouragement or gain some knowledge or maybe even have a little chuckle then that's really just icing on the cake isn't it?  That's what I'm starting to think anyway.
"Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul." ~Anne Lamott

School's In!

And just like that, a new school year begins.



This day never ceases to fill me with conflicting emotions. There's some grief at the marching on of time that each new year represents. You might see the boy in the photo above.  I, however, see this:

At the same time, I wish I could say I wasn't that mom who eagerly awaits the start of school by the time August hits.  I WISH I could say that. But I am a creature of habit and loves me a schedule and routine. While we had an incredible summer filled with park visits, swimming, baseball games, family, friends, and leisure in abundance, it was with great excitement that we welcomed today. For Jeran (and, let's face it, for Mom too) there were still a few nerves about what to expect from second grade, its teacher, and its classmates. But they have significantly decreased compared to the last couple of years. You know, whatev, we've got the school thing down. 

It was with such pride that I left him this morning, watching him work the line for Room 107, greeting old and new friends alike.  I lingered in the background, shuffling away by inches, recognizing how much more rare these glimpses into his school self will become.

I thought I might tear up for a minute, then I considered dancing away in glee. But I settled for a backward glance and a smile, then contentedly turned for home with two more babies clinging to my hands.

Magic Show

ACT ONE:
Ben: Pick a card (closes eyes)
Jeran: Ok
Ben: Did you pick a three?
Jeran: No
Ben: Did you pick a four?
Jeran: No
Ben: Did you pick a two?
Jeran: No
Ben: Did you pick an eight?
Jeran: No
Ben: Did you pick a six?
Jeran: YES!
Both boys: WHOAAAAAAA! 

ACT TWO:
Jeran: Ok, Mom, I am going to make a bag of pennies magically appear! (waves wand)  Abra cadabra! (Hands grope in pants then emerge triumphantly) See??

The Wrap-up...or is it just the beginning?

So, where do we go from here?
Last week was (I believe I've overused this word in my descriptions of it) amazing. A whole different life. One that really didn't cause major upset.  I'll admit that I've been nervous to enter back into "real life", and if I may grossly stretch the analogy, I believe I can relate in some miniscule way to addicts as they have to enter back into their life from "before".  I don't want us to revert back to old habits.  What we have put into place to try and avoid that scenario is this:
1) The boys are now limited to two hours of screen time per day.  One hour in the morning, one hour in the afternoon/evening, and this can only occur after they've completed some responsibilities that we've set out for them (in the morning this involves but is not limited to getting dressed, brushing teeth, some family prayer/devotional time, etc.; in the afternoon, doing some reading).  Today this went...bleh, not to put too fine a point on it. I think it's just a matter of suffering from fun-weekend-hangover and then trying to adjust to yet another new "thing" that mom and dad have come up with. But I'm confident we'll get there.
2) We will be getting rid of our cable, to the extent that only the major networks will be left to us. This will seriously limit choices. We do have Netflix, so there's still that to contend with.  If we find our family is not wise with it we can always give that the boot too.
3) I am going to loosely keep the schedule I was adhering to last week as far as my own internet shenanigans.  Probably a half hour in the morning and evening and then an hour or so in the afternoon for work-type things.
4) James and I have decided we will no longer be "flippers" in the evening, aimlessly scrolling through channels and watching things that have zero interest to us.  We'll only watch if there's something on that we truly want to see.

Hopefully having some structured guidlines, a plan - if you will, can assist us in keeping this monkey off our backs. When school starts we may even amend some of these measures further.
I feel proud that we've done something good for our family, something healthy for our minds and spirits. It inspires me to put some other things in motion for me/us, but I'm not really ready to throw those out there yet.  COWARD!  I know.  For those of you have followed our experiment and who have checked in with us or offered words of encouragement, thank you.  You played a huge part in our success because just knowing that this had the potential for being followed by others kept me accountable.
In other news, Michigan was FAB-U-LOUS. Family fun at its best. A few pics of the good times rollin'.


Family pics are over.  Let the dirt-digging commence!




The Louwerse ladies - takin' over Saugatuck!



Cousins and Big Red

It's Thursday?!

Guys, don't hate on me, but I just don't really have anything different to say here.  I think we my have found pretty darn close to a new way of life.  We do NOT miss our television.  We just don't. Is that to say that I will never watch again? Psshhhh, no. I think part of the reason we don't miss it is because we know this is temporary. HOWEVER.  Never again do I desire to go back to the land of the couch potato where we were previously residing.  There is a lightness and peace that has returned to our home or that maybe is here for the first time, really.  In my first post I mentioned the general unrest that had permeated our existence, and now it's like a fog has lifted.  It feels really corny to say this, but this week has truly been life-changing.
Hm, that's kinda sad.
I guess it's just evidence of how much of a grip these things have had on our lives without us realizing it.
A new realization today: I have not given my children enough credit.  It's me who defaults to the television as entertainment.  I try to head off any interruptions to my agenda at the pass by plunking them down in front of the electronic babysitter. They have shown me this week that they are MORE than capable of finding ways to enjoy life without the screen and have proven to me that when I do have to attend to matters other than them (ie: cleaning the house, which I was actually able to do today without the aid of the Power Rangers), they can handle it out of their own imagination.
I've been mulling over ways that we can make some of these changes stick as the week has gone on.  I'll spell some of those out here in coming days.  Tomorrow we head to Michigan for some fun family time.  James's family/siblings has not been together as one unit in, if my calculations are correct, about six years. So we are beyond excited for the good times that are ahead of us. Certainly better than anything MTV, Food Network, or G.I. Joe could entice us with.
Have a great weekend, y'all.

Day 2

Remember yesterday when I said that my children were relatively unfazed by the amount of time remaining in our screenless week?  Sometime this afternoon Ben decided that five days left was SIGNIFICANT.  Yes, we had our first meltdown this afternoon. However, it was short (especially for Ben who is a marathon whiner), and he quickly went back to business as usual.  I'm not complaining. I had myself geared up for constant requests and complaints this week, and they just haven't happened. I continue to be amazed.
Today involved a trip to the local splash park with some neighborhood friends, and it was definitely helpful to get outta the house for awhile, but the remainder of the day the boys were once again more than satisfied to entertain themselves and each other here at home.  A few hairy moments ensued around dinner time, and that's not unusual.  For whatever reason, that is the time of day at our house when all the crazies come out.  Usually there is much yelling (on both my and the kids' part) and general unproductive attempts at stamping out the fires.  Today I took a deep breath instead and dug into my dollar section back-up plans so that the rest of our time before din-din looked like this:


Thank you, Target.
(Notice the bat on the table. This was NOT being used productively five minutes prior to this photo.)


I realized today how much we've been operating on autopilot (at least, speaking for myself and I think for my better half too). But in the past 48 hours I feel like we've truly been interacting with each other and not just coexisting.  We're eating meals as a family, sharing time together in the evening (rather than the mad rush to just GET THOSE KIDS IN BED ALREADY!), and really observing what's happening with one another. And we're making room.  Room for conversation, connection, creativity (this grammar nerd just LOVES alliteration).  Room for God to speak and to direct our activities.
Nothing's perfect around here, by any means.  But I can't help but speak positively about what's happening so far.  I kind of feel like I just showed up to my own life (is that a song?). I have renewed energy, renewed love for my children, renewed interest in taking an active role in who they're becoming.
What else did I learn about myself today?  I have learned that I have a huge sense of urgency when it comes to communication/information.  I constantly found myself gripped by, "I need to look up that info on the internet RIGHT NOW!" or "That email needs to be written and sent RIGHT NOW!"  And it just isn't so.  One goal I have for myself when we return to "normal" next week is to continue to limit my computer activity to just a couple of specific times during the day.  Minutes and hours rapidly get sucked up when I give myself constant access and free reign, and those minutes and hours I'd rather give to the people in my life.
Speaking of people, I spent the loveliest evening with a special group of women in my life. We started out (the original group, anyway) sharing a career (educating) and a love for reading, and throughout the past nine years have also shared in coming mothers and raising our babies, changing homes, morphing life roles. Some moved on from the group, others entered in, but they are all incredible ladies, and I'm blessed to know them and continue sharing stories, both read and lived. Thanks for the laughter this evening, ladies, and for filling my night with REAL entertainment, not the screen-confined kind.