Ode to Sleep

"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."

I'd like to kick, squarely in the teeth, the author of this proverb. But that's only because I'm slightly delirious due to lack of sleep. For the past several weeks we in the Louwerse household have been living the exact opposite. Which goes something like this:

"Late to sleep, frequently woken, makes one ill, useless, and short-spoken."

Yes. Well. Like I said, I'm tired.

Our sleep woes have stemmed primarily from sickness. Ben and Grayson have been nursing colds for the past two weeks, though they seem to be well now. James suffered from it somewhere in there, and Jeran caught it a couple of days ago. Unfortunately, for him it led to a fit of vomiting for about 7 hours Thursday night. Not fun. All of us feeling run down and not getting enough sleep effectively put an end to our plans to head to Michigan this weekend. Sniff. But I'll admit it has been exactly what we needed just to do absolutely nothing and REST. As much as you do such a thing with three boys under the age of 5 around.

Even without sickness, sleep has been pretty scarce for us. For one thing Grayson has still been waking up once a night, and yes, I know, I need to just grow a spine and cut him off. Maybe something about him being the last baby is making me wuss out, I don't know. Possibility #2: Maybe my sanity can handle him waking up, eating for 10 minutes, and going right back to sleep but not "crying it out" for an hour and a half.

The other thing is that Jeran still consistently wakes up several times a night, crying, inconsolable, not even awake. It is equal parts heartbreaking and maddening. We can't figure out what's causing it or, more importantly, how to fix it.

Baby Graybie had his 9 month check up yesterday, and we discovered, to quote my hubby, that he is a "hot mess". Double ear infection (love when I don't catch those), eczema, and he has dropped significantly in the weight percentile. Enough so that they tested his hemoglobin to see whether he's not getting enough iron. Real nice. Feeling like the mom of the year. But we now have him on some amoxicillan and steroid cream (hopefully we don't wake up to a nine-month-old with a deep voice and chest hair tomorrow).

So what else is going on in our life besides illness and not sleeping?

Well, there's the whole Ben is a hoarder situation. Yes, I've said it. If there was a support group on such things I would go. "Hello, my name is Julie, and I'm the mother of a hoarder." He's pretty hilarious actually. He'll gather up as many things as he can possibly carry (more things than he can, really) and walk around the house with them. And any activity he wants to take part in has to include his "treasures". But, man, does that kid get pissed if he drops something. He's been a tad OCD lately, needing things to be "just so". It's so interesting to see their personalities emerge. And by interesting I mean...exhausting. Speaking of which, I think I'll go catch an hour or so of shut-eye before the nighttime circus commences.

Check out this guy

He did this himself.

Wanna start placing any bets on how long it will be before he's walking?? I don't. :)

My Achy Breaky Heart

All those of you who think I could excel (or at least passably accomplish) home schooling please raise your hand. Yeah, me neither. But it has been a tempting option this week as I've been dealing with a hurting little boy. Monday evening Jeran confessed to James that at school that day nobody would play with or sit by him. "Nobody likes me there." Can you hear my heart splintering into a thousand tiny pieces? We talked about it as a family on Tuesday morning again and tried to get to the bottom of whether this was just what Jeran perceived was happening or whether truly he was being ostracized from the group. It seems that on this particular day he was, indeed, the loner. And so, being the great mom that I am, I supressed my burning desire to go to each and every child in his class and give them A) a fiery tongue-lashing and B) many sweets and toys as a pay-off to including my child. Instead, James and I talked with Jeran about perhaps pursuing other interests with the kids in his class, rather than sticking like glue to the train table. Not everyone loves Thomas like you do, we explained (this revelation clearly stumped him). So we coached him on making the first move when it comes to friendship. Seeking out others and asking them if they'd like to show him what they are playing or asking whether someone would like to sit next to him on the Noah's Ark rug (apparently on Monday he sat "all alone on the ostrich"). We also explained that, unfortunately, not everyone is going to want to be friends all the time but that he should still be kind and include others when he has the chance. We also ran down a long list of friends he has outside of school and people who love him dearly. Then we prayed with him (and that was as much for his mom as for him). This is a whole new world for me, people. One major thing I have absolutely never wanted for my child (as any parent would attest, I'm sure) is for him to be lonely or rejected. However, I feel in the past 24 hours, that God has shown me two things.
1) Jeran is His child more than mine. His plans for Jeran and the things (even the painful things) that He allows in his life are building in my son Christ-like character for the future (who knew loneliness and rejection better than Christ?), and I know it's my job to help him understand that. I know that God loves JJ and wants the best for him far more than I can even fathom.
2) This too shall pass. And new challenges will follow.
I continue to pray that my son will be kind and will meet others who reciprocate. I pray for him to meet at least that one, true-blue friend who will stick closer than any other, and I also pray that Jeran will always choose to surround himself with, as his inner circle anyway, those who will encourage him and help him to stay on the straight and narrow, right path.
In the meantime, does anybody know of a really killer cupcake recipe that I could whip up to bring into class on Friday??

Christmas Vacation 09

I was kind of a dud as far as the camera goes this Christmas (if you have photos you think I'd like to have PLEASE email them!!). I missed capturing so many fantastic moments (like the entire Louwerse family busting a move to MC Hammer's "You Can't Touch This"). But, such as it is, here is a brief glimpse of the merrymaking we took part in.

Bring it on, '10

Another calendar year has come and gone. At this time last year I was just about 5 months pregnant with our latest boy, yawning mightily as we attempted to see midnight. Hmmm, this year might not be too much different except for that whole pregnant part. Recent events have me reflecting on 2009 and wondering about 2010. By recent events I mean the whining and ranting I did here . The day following these whinings and rantings my hubby asked me as he was leaving for work whether I thought it was going to be a good day or a bad day, and I replied that the day would be whatever it would be. Somehow at that moment those words struck me as profound. Truly, the day was going to go in whatever direction the Lord led it. It was completely out of my hands. As is true of every day. What IS within my control is how I respond to each situation, whether it be crisis, inconvenience, or all according to how I planned. And so I enter into 2010 using the wisdom of this startling revelation. I need to let go of whatever expectations and perceptions I have of what each day "should be" and exercise enough flexibility that I can embrace what each moment IS. Sounds like a tall order. Perhaps now is not the right time to enact my "give up caffeine" resolution.

Christmas Traditions

You may not be aware that on Tuesday night I was a featured singer in a production of Handel's Messiah. Well, not a featured singer so much as a member of a thousand-person amateur chorus. Regardless, singing in the Do-It-Yourself Messiah has been a favorite Christmas tradition for the past six or so years. As I sat amidst my fellow enthusiasts, participating heartily in the alto line, letting the vocal and instrumental solos wash over me and lead me into praise of my Savior, I reflected on Christmas traditions. So I present to you this non-comprehensive list. Whether they are brand new, years old, or just in theory at this point, these are some of the traditions in our home and family.

- Advent calendars: this one I grew up with and began with our kids this year. I wish I could say that everyday we opened our little window, read the story/verse, and had meaningful discourse about the reason for the season. As it is I think we accomplished 5 total days, opening about 5 windows each of those days. And even then the boys were more interested in the pieces of chocolate that lay within the windows. Anyway, it's a great way to anticipate Christmas Day and a great teaching tool for the young ones.


- Advent wreath/candles: I always loved this tradition in church and my home growing up. I love how this tradition lends itself to reflection on the meaning of this season and application for my own life. My grandpa made me a beautiful wreath a few years ago which I finally adorned with some decoration this year. However, the candles were MIA, so I guess I need to get on the ball with that one next year.


- Music: As soon as Thanksgiving hits I finally feel justified in pulling out the Christmas tunes, and they play non-stop through New Year's. Favorite albums: Casting Crowns "Peace on Earth", Chris Tomlin "Glory in the Highest", The soundtrack to "A Charlie Brown Christmas", Andrew Peterson "Behold the Lamb of God", Handel's Messiah.
The Do-It-Yourself Messiah I alluded to. It's held downtown and beautifully orchestrated and directed. It's such a treat (and, at times, a feat) to be able to participate in the choral pieces. Beautiful.
I think that this year also marked the first year of Christmas karaoke, eh girls? You know who you are.


- Holiday Magic at Brookfield Zoo: our first year for this tradition was this year. The biggest hits were the polar bear and the huuuuuge indoor train set. Oh yeah, and all the lights of course.


- Giving: James's family started the tradition several years back of donating to CRWRC. What's cool about donating to this cause (Christian Reformed World Relief Committee) is that they send out a catalog each Christmas season and you can select specifically to what you would like to give, anything from goats, to clean drinking water, to education. This Christmas we're looking forward to getting Jeran involved in making our choice.

-Movies: the list of yearly must-sees includes It's a Wonderful Life, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Charlie Brown Christmas, and A Christmas Story.

-Decorating: we're usually in Michigan for Thanksgiving, but as soon as possible after we return home I fire up the Christmas music and pull out the decorations. While we didn't have a tree this year (don't even get me started) we got to help decorate my mom's, and the boys absolutely loved it!

-Baking: those of you who know me well are probably blinking in confusion at your screen right now. I don't really bake. I ruin most things I bake. But for some inexplicable reason I was seized by the desire to try my hand at holiday goodies. Successful yummies were orange-cranberry bread/muffins and peanut butter blossoms (the peanut butter cookie with the Hershey's kiss adorning the top). Nothing fancy but I was pretty darn proud of myself. I'd like to give props to my hubby who helped perfect the recipes and, as usual, taught me a thing or two about work in the kitchen.

Writing: I like to update family and friends on our goings-on via the Louwerse Christmas Crossword which has been a tradition for six years running. This blog may end up making such an update obsolete. Time will tell.

May you enjoy a blessed Christmas and whatever your traditions, may they be filled with faith, family, and friendship. Merry Christmas!

The Happy Medium

I'm wondering if there is such a thing as a happy medium in this life as a parent to young children. I feel that each day swings between extremes with not much time spent in that calm, contented, middle-of-the-road place. The two comments I hear most from people, strangers and loved ones alike, are as follows:

"Oh, these are the best years of your life! Someday you will look back on them and be so sad that they're gone!"

"Wow, three boys; you are a busy lady. Hang in there! It gets better!"

I don't begrudge anyone their opinion on these matters. In fact, I'm sure there's more than a little truth to these statements. What I'm left wondering is, is this my only option? To hang on for dear life to each day that is alternately whizzing and dragging by me, wondering when the craziness will let up, and at the same time looking forward to a future of regret that said craziness is past and my children are gone?
To be clear: I do love my life. My husband. My children. My friends and family. I love that I am able to be home exclusively as a mom right now and not have to be torn in 100 different directions outside the home. I love my boys' energy and laughter. And I know that one day I most certainly will look back with a modicum of fond nostalgia on these days. However, I'm exhausted, people. All. the. time. A typical day includes, but is not limited to: breaking up fights, doling out punishments resulting from these fights, playing, reading, planning meals, making meals, cleaning up meals, wiping faces, wiping noses, wiping butts, preventing accidents, healing boo-boos from accidents I failed to prevent, hugging, kissing, and just in general spending every single second of my day meeting somebody's needs because somebody does need me. All. the. time.
Again, allow me to clarify that in no way do I view every item on the above list as a negative nor am I complaining (ok, I'm complaining a little) about fulfilling the duties on this list. I fully recognize that these are in my job description as a mom. What I'm trying to get at is that I am needed every second of the day. With few exceptions (although there are exceptions; nap times on preschool days for example). I feel like there's barely a time in the day when I slow down. Not only that but all of my boys are at very challenging stages and, each in his own way, has a challenging personality. So while I often enjoy this stage of life, it seems that more often I just feel tired and frazzled. But I don't want to wish this time away because apparently there will come a day when my selective memory will recall only the happy moments, and I'll be afloat on a sea of regret that the time has passed (well, ok, that's probably a little melodramatic, but you know me. That's how I roll).
Here's my bottom line. It's just hard right now. I know that MANY of you reading this are in the same boat or vividly remember being there. And I know that things will in many ways get better and in other ways will be just as hard in a different way. Each season of life has its ups and downs, its joys and challenges. And so once again I recommit to living life one day, nay, one minute at a time. It's all we're given. And God has given each moment to be lived in light of His grace, in whatever life situation He has deemed right and true.
And now time for my disclaimer: my husband rules, y'all. He is truly, without fail, doubt, or exception, the BEST man I know. He daily teaches me the meaning of selflessness, not just because of what he does for me and our sons but for what he does for and how he views all other people. But let's get back to what he does for our family. He does it all. Whatever it takes. Our motto has always been that we are a team, and our marriage has really never been limited to typical gender roles. In light of this, I feel that I must certainly have ended up with the long end of the stick. Not only does he act as handyman, lawn maintainer, etc., but he also cooks like a champ, changes diapers, insists that I get time alone or with friends particularly at the end of those ultra-rough days, gets up with children in the middle of the night, and just in general looks out for the welfare of every member of our family. Without him I would no doubt be a muttering, twitching pile of insanity in the fetal position behind a locked door. So I say, thank you, honey. For understanding me. For being on this wild ride with me. For doing whatever it takes. And for still loving me when I don't. Our boys are so blessed to have you for their father, and I am so blessed to call you not only my husband but my best friend as well.