Case in point....

So here I sit watching "Wife Swap" (I know, it's a new low for me) while grading papers. What's interesting is, the two families tonight are on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum on the topic of working/discipline, etc. which I'm sure is a purposeful set-up by the producers. Both are too extreme in my opinion but anyway..... a comment made by the skate-shop-owning, liberal, my-kid-doesn't-need-rules mom was, "I just don't think work ethic is that important." Egads!!!! What kind of person are you going to be sending out into the world, lady? I hope she's not my server in a restaurant/mechanic on my car/surgeon on my child. This sums up some of what I see in the up and coming generation.
On the flip side, the other family is raising up tightly-wound little time bombs that could rebel at any moment. However, I agree with their self-titled "benevolent dictator" when she quips, "I don't think picking up your room is soul-destroying." LOL

Harrumph...Kids today

Yes, we chuckle and attribute the above phrase to the "older generation". But let me tell you, I have found myself thinking and saying it in a number of different ways over the past several months. This week I had a very freeing thought while at school: "I am NOT cut out for this line of work." I'm just not. At least not right now. I am SO discouraged as I look around me each day. In the intricate environment that is school, I see an infinite number of students who are apathetic, cruel, unable to focus, easily bored, irresponsible, disrespectful. It is truly an epidemic. The class I have this year is beyond challenging and it looks like the next two classes coming up are not much more positive. Now, this is not to say that all of my students exhibit these characteristics. That's far from the truth. But I feel like the negative attitudes are outweighing the positive and it just gets me down. Now, why was admitting to myself that I'm not cut out for this so freeing? I'm not sure, except that perhaps it allows for the possibility that the problem is me and not them. Maybe I am just not the teacher to get through to them and inspire them to make a change. Maybe it means that there is still hope for them, and the burden of responsibility does not rest solely on me this year to break through the apathy. Because I feel like my bag of tricks is empty and my energy depleted and that's hard to face. But knowing that I'm at a time in my life when I just don't have enough to give also frees me by knowing I have made the right choice not to return next year. I have the opportunity to focus on my own children and raise them to be the respectful, honoring, responsible individuals that are seemingly so lacking today. I have the chance to monitor their activities and help guide their choices and instruct them within the context of our faith. Maybe that's what gets me during my days of teaching. I don't have much sway in the lives of my students. Certainly I am an influence, but I cannot work against what has been reinforced in the first 10 years of my kids' lives. And God has not really put that responsibility on me. I don't mean to say, either, that my children will turn out perfectly or that my way is best. But I pray that I am able to pass onto them values that were modeled for me in my home that seem to be passing away too quickly in today's world with all of culture's influences. I don't know. I just feel jaded these days. It's difficult for me to feel that way and probably skews my true view on things.

Rollin' on

Life continues to roll on here in the Louwerse household. I'm happy to report that sleep has once again found its way into our home in regular and rather long increments. Phew. I have 4 weeks of school left and feel very bittersweet about that whole situation. On the one hand I have total peace about not returning to teaching next year. It will be an incredible blessing to be able to devote most of my time, once again, to all of my boys and the daily tasks of caring for our family. I'll probably do some tutoring, working for a friend of mine who used to work with me at Timothy. After Jeran was born I worked part time for her and it was a great gig. It will be great to keep my hands in the teaching realm a bit too. On the other hand, however, Timothy has been an incredible place to work the past 7 years. I will miss my colleagues immensely and will miss being a part of all the exciting growth and changes that are taking place there. But I know that the work load is just too much for me to do it well, not to mention also caring for my family well. So I look ahead excitedly to what awaits us after June 4. James and I will also be finished with all of the church ministries that we're currently involved with after May and have decided to take a big break from our involvement there too as far as all that goes. Who knows? Maybe with all this new-found time on our hands we won't know what to do with ourselves!! Buuuut....I'm sure we'll think of something. All in all, I feel that God has led us to this place of rest, and James and I talk often of the opportunity we will now have to take a step back and reevaluate where God wants to use us and the gifts He has instilled in us.





Switching gears....new things that the boys are up to. Ben has started to explore the wonders of rice cereal, and let's just say he's not totally buying it. He always eats with a manner that says, "Yeah, all right, I'll humor you here, but I'm not guaranteeing that anything you put in is necessarily staying in."

Jeran has been LOVING the great turn in the weather and has been a sports nut, especially zeroing in on soccer and basketball.

So....that's life with us right now. Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

Huh?.....Wha..?

The middle-of-the-night incoherencies uttered by the adults in our household are attributed in large part, these days, to our older child, or, as James and I have begun referring to him at 12, 3, 5 a.m.: "YOUR son". We have entered into a realm of parenthood that I had blissfully forgotten from my own childhood: the "scared of the dark" phase. This started several weeks ago, maybe as far back as a month or two, but last week things started to go downhill. We were able to appease him in the beginning with the door left slightly ajar. When this wasn't good enough we moved to keeping the hall light on, and this worked for a couple of weeks. Jeran's fear has progressed to the point where night lights are a no-go, and he's not satisfied with anything less than his bedroom lamp being fully on. The poor child has been hysterical without it. Even at this he was starting to wake several times a night seeking comfort. What's a parent to do? I vascillate between the compassionate mom I should be, acknowledging that this is a real fear (apparently of a doggie under Ben's crib - a little creepy. He insists it's there), and the tired, impatient part of me wants to continue pointing out that there's nothing to be afraid of, and he just needs to GO...TO...SLEEP! At this point I'm on the lookout for an extremely low-wattage bulb and an ounce of perseverance to get us through this stage. In the meantime we are open to any and all advice and are happy to announce that at least we have gotten through the last 2 nights with a full amount of sleep (well, except for that crazy Ben waking up to eat at 4...but I'll take it as opposed to the alternative!).



A few pictures: the first is of James and Jeran after a particularly bad "scared" evening. I came
home late last week Friday night to find them on the couch like this. Pretty sweet, huh? The second is just plain for fun. Baby Ben after bath time.








Grrrr...I'm a lion!

Hugs

My heart is so full right now. Is there ANYTHING better than three-year-old hugs and an "I love you, Mom" or "I need a hug, Mom" said in that sleepy little bedtime voice? I tell ya...amazing.

Speaking of hugs.......we were pretty nervous that, with Jeran's temperament being what it is, Ben's arrival might provoke some actions of hostility. Completely the opposite. We feel our younger son is quite literally at risk of being killed with kindness. May we present to you the mounting evidence......

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Those of you who have been on the receiving end of Jeran's painful hugs will understand our concern. Clearly, Jeran is greatly in love with his little brother, which is wonderful but at the same time scary because he doesn't QUITE grasp that concept of "gentle". Anyway, we're grateful that it's this painful love he exhibits and not outbursts of jealousy. And for now we will maintain the rule of "No touching Ben's head" and continue to hope that their brotherly love only grows as they do.

Procrastinators Unite.....Tomorrow

Ok, Gunnink/Berghoef family, upon which of you can I place the blame for the defective procrastination gene, or, as it is referred to in medical circles: procrastinitis? It really is a rather debilitating condition, except that I thrive so completely on it. From the far reaches of my mind I can pull up memories of last minute homework projects, all-nighters in college, and everyone knows of my penchant for leaving at the last possible second to get anywhere (usually about 5 minutes after I REALLY should have left). Because I am aware of this dysfunctional state of mind in which I live, it should seem quite obvious that I CHANGE it. Leave earlier, begin projects in advance, etc. etc. Oh ho! Easier said than done my wise inner voice. I don't know if it can be narrowed down to an inability (unwillingness?) to prioritize or distractions that are just out of my hands (at this point in life they would be called Jeran and Ben), but I am feeling, quite simply, resigned to the fact that I will never be an "on timer". Case in point: here I am on spring break with an entire week at my disposal with which to catch up on grading, as I seem to have buried myself in writing assignments and worksheets in the first 2 weeks of being back to school. So, let's count them: Saturday - Sunday, ok remove Sundays as a day of rest: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 days which could be used to catch up with and get ahead of myself. But noooooo...here we are on Saturday and I have made VERY little headway. I joke about this and yet I do get frustrated that I continue to make the same mistakes. Who said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? Well then, is it any wonder I'm a bit cuckoo? In any case, I do embrace this as a part of my personality that seems resistant to change (a weakness, if you will: see my other blog at www.pursuingtruepeace.blogspot.com - I know, another blog; like I need another excuse to be on the computer?). I would like to see myself wise up, though, and not make myself and those around me so crazy when it comes down to crunch time and I'm once again unprepared. Graded papers is small in the grand scheme of life, but I'd hate to see this spilling over into larger areas and, even worse, pass on this lifestyle to my children. And so, I will buck up and do the hard work necessary to create a plan that will keep me ahead of the game of life.........tomorrow.

Cute photos of the day: "Baby Ben", as we are addicted to calling him around here. He has discovered his thumb, as you can see. While this should be cause for alarm, seeing as I sucked mine into middle school (I guess this blog just turned into "True Confessions"), I have to admit that we're elated since this will mean no interruped nights of sleep to go in and grope around for a missing "pipie" (as with Jeran).

The boys went to the doctor today, so here are their stats:

JJ: 31 lbs. 371/2 inches tall

NOT a fan of having his ears looked into, and seems to be lacking a filter as he let our doctor in on the family secrets (ie: the excessive intake of chicken nuggets and juice and serious lack of green veggies (or veggies of any color for that matter).

Ben: 15lbs. 5 oz. (what a chub!) 25 1/2 inches long

Took 5 shots to the legs today. What a trooper - he only cried for about 10 seconds, but it was a heartwrenching cry, nontheless.