I Can't Believe I Just Did That

If you would have told me a year ago to endure 30 days without a single processed food, ounce of sugar, grain or dairy product, or alcoholic beverage I probably would have punched you in the face. And now, to have arrived at the end of just such a journey, to have accomplished HEALTHY EATING - ME! - it is an amazing feeling. By and large, I would say that it has become second nature to have this as my primary way of eating.  I can't imagine ever skipping breakfast again or making drive-thru's my go-to.
How I've benefited:
My energy: I am no longer wilting after lunch, ready to just curl up and nap the rest of the day away. I also sleep more soundly and less restlessly at night (when my kids aren't waking me up, that is) and find it SLIGHTLY easier to awaken in the morning (though I can't say I'll ever be a full-fledged morning person).
My mood: I have always been kind of a moody person, with big ups and downs and a fair amount of melancholy. These days I feel much happier (and my husband has even commented on this as a change he's noticed) more of the time.
My body: While I've never struggled with weight issues, I was working on a healthy muffin top pre-Whole 30, which is now virtually non-existent.  I can feel around my waist that there has been some shrinkage. (I wish I had taken the before pictures to prove it). I feel overall HEALTHY, for I think the first time in my life.
Peace of mind: knowing that I am doing something great for my body and brain and treating it, I believe, as God probably originally intended. With good food.
Food doesn't control me: I've learned that I CAN, in fact, say no, and this is huge. Before I always just gave in to the cravings no matter what. I felt I had no control, no willpower. I now know that part of this is the way those crappy foods are designed - to keep us wanting more. But 30 days of good food choices have proven that I am the one in control of what goes into my maw. This outcome made even the hardest of moments SO incredibly worth it.

Where I struggled:
There's a lot of cooking.  And dish washing. And cooking.  And dish washing.  This was tough. And I don't have a full time job outside the home. And I DO have a husband who cooks.  Yikes - so what can I say if you're a single mom or working full time? COOK AHEAD! I have three boys who are a full time job, and my husband is gone a lot these days, so those were not sure-fire answers to the constant cooking conundrum (alliteration nerd!). But by cooking and prepping ahead (taking an afternoon or evening on the weekend) the weeks were MUCH easier to bear. And I will say that dishes ain't no thang anymore and that I like cooking a little better than I did before.

Sticking to organic/grass-fed/pastured, etc.  That's expensive stuff, peeps. I was lucky to have some meat resources that made good meat a little less painful to come by, but there were a couple times I paid $20 for two pounds of chicken and it made me a little ill.

Fighting the urge to snack.  I still have this in my system a bit, even though 90% of the time I was just sticking to three meals a day with no "snacks".

Success in my Whole 30 goals. (See this post)   I still averaged about six hours of sleep a night most nights. Staying up too late doing things other than cooking and washing dishes, I guess. I did not reach the five-days-a-week that I was hoping to as far as developing greater spiritual rhythms in my life. And I did too much reading or Facebook checking during my lunches.



What did I miss the most?  cheese, ice cream, and alcohol

Missed least - bread/grain products and white potatoes. As a Dutchie, I NEVER ever thought I'd say that.

So what now?
Going forward I'm going to keep this as primarily my way of eating. I'm going to do a little experiment over the next ten days, as recommended by the authors of the book, to start slowly building foods back in and see how my body and mood responds to those things. I start with....DAIRY!!!  Had a little cheese on my stuffed acorn squash this morning. It was great, but I would have enjoyed it just as much without I think. Huh.  Weird.
I'm still pondering how much of this to build into the lives of my kids. It's going to take baby steps but changes definitely need to be made sooner rather than later.  We leave on a two week long vacation tomorrow, so probably I won't be doing anything too drastic during that time.

A few last meals to share:

http://www.eatingforidiots.com/paleo-chicken-tostadas-rancheros/ - these were really good but our plantain tostadas ended up a little burnt and chewy. Something we would definitely try again though.

For lunch this entire week I did a little riff on eggplant parm. Without the parm. Obviously. I broiled eggplant slices and then topped them with pork sausage patties.  I placed these stacks on fresh spinach and then topped the whole thing with a Trader Joe's approved marinara. Super duper yummy.  As evidenced by the fact that I ate it all. week. 

Breakfast for this week was a little hash the ingredients for which I saw on one of the Whole 30 forums. Sauteed in a pan were red onion, apples sprinkled with some cinnamon, sweet potatoes, some kale, and shredded cooked chicken, then I seasoned with paprika and sea salt.  Oh and there were mushrooms.  Because mushrooms make so many good things even better. I topped this all with a poached egg. A-mazing.

So that wraps up this installment of "What crazy program is Julie getting on board with now?!" 
Wow.
I can't believe I just did that.
But I'm SOO glad I did.

Jinxed

Yeeeeaaaaaaah.
Remember how I was all, "There's no food I really miss and blah blah blah blah".  The day following that statement my body and brain proved it to be utter crap. I took a huge dive into the land of the food doldrums. Or, as the Whole 30 program calls it - "Kill All the Things". Most of last week was spent feeling depressed about all the things I "can't" eat and loathing everything I can. I began to obsess again about food, especially crappy things. The cravings reared their ugly little heads with a vengeance, and I will admit I had a couple of tiny cheats.  One involved a single solitary piece of cheese popcorn from my sons' bowl of Chicago Mix. The other happened out to eat on Friday night when my buffalo wings (Whole 30 approved) made a few forays into some Ranch dressing (NOT approved). I've been beating myself up about those things repeatedly. Which is kinda dumb and is coming from the perfectionist in me. But I avoided all kinds of other things including movie theater popcorn, and that is BIG. For me, anyway.  So I focus on the small victories.
As of yesterday I felt back in the game, proud of all the good choices I've been making for my body and mind and overall really satisfied with my new way of eating. But also, let's face it, I'm ready to see the beginning of my last week.
A few new dishes that we tried last week:

Asian Chicken Salad - http://nomnompaleo.com/post/5728050931/asian-almond-chicken-salad#more

 This made for two lunches this week, one eaten as lettuce wraps and one directly out of the bowl.  Both were yum although I found it more filling to use the wrap.

Stuffed Acorn Squash - I had used this recipe previously and really enjoyed it, so all I had to do this time around was remove the cheese (wah!), and I added some seasoned ground turkey. I had one half of the squash for dinner and the other half for breakfast the next morning with a poached egg on top.  Fabulous!

Shrimp Curry - one of the recommended quick meals I read about was to have some frozen shrimp and frozen stir-fry veggies on hand, along with some curry paste (I went with green).  I mixed together the curry paste and some coconut milk and let it boil, then stirred in the frozen protein and veggies until heated through. It was great but a little soupy.  My husband made a (much more fabulous) version of this dish this past weekend, and his method was to coat the shrimp and veggies in the paste and sautee it in the pan for 2-3 minutes. He then deglazed the pan with some coconut aminos (a soy sauce substitute) and added coconut milk. He had also added some jalapenos which gave it a perfect little kick.  It was an awesome one-dish meal. (Side note: I am not a fan of frozen veggies. Fresh would be much better in this dish.)

There are a few new dishes in the works for this week, along with some that have become stand-by's during this process.  I also want to give some thought to what's going to happen going forward and what kinds of changes to incorporate for the fam.
Stay tuned...

How Larabar Saved My Life

"Saved my life" may be a little extreme, but it certainly saved me from diving head first into a bag of Cheetos.
I kicked off last week by straying from the program's three-meals-a-day rule. By allowing myself to get all wrapped up in doing some life catch-up (you know, since I've been distracted by all the cooking and dishes and whatnot) I found at 9pm one evening that I was ravenous. Skipping lunch and skimping on dinner will do that to a person.  So I found myself wandering the Target aisles desperate for a little something that would keep me away from a drive-through (and the aforementioned Cheetos). Lo and behold - Larabar! These little guys have completely natural ingredients and are almost 100% Whole-30 compliant (with a few exceptions).  Now I know the general rule is to recondition the relationship with food and not find other snacky treats to substitute in, but I tell you what. When faced with the McDonalds down the street or this little treasure, I'll go with Lara. My favorites thus far are Cherry Pie and Carrot Cake. Deeeee-lish. I highly recommend in a pinch.
Last week found us doing lots of repeats on meals or leftovers so not much new to share on the meal front (other than that I've realized I should probably just forego the pictures I post. My photography skills SUCK, not to put too fine a point on it, and probably make the amazing meals I've been eating a little less desirable to anyone else).
I will say that last week found me feeling pretty amazing. The mental clarity and energy I have been experiencing (on the days when I don't go off-task and reverting back to the old habit of skipping meals) are well worth doing without a little ice cream here, a glass of wine there. I find that there really is not a lot that I miss.  At least, nothing I think about on any regular basis. This is not to say that I won't be enjoying some cheese or a cocktail again in my life. But for now, it feels AMAZING to know that I am doing something so amazing for myself and, ultimately, my family.  Speaking of those guys - it's become glaringly obvious to me as I've offloaded some of my food demons, how addicted my little guys are to food. They got it from me, of course, so there's no one to point the finger at except yours truly (well, and maybe the American food industry at large - just a little). All they want to do is snack, and if there's a donut within a three-mile radius they WILL sniff it out. And then fight each other for it. It's ridiculous.  So as I prepare to enter into my last week on the Whole 30, my thoughts turn toward the end of this journey and the beginning of another.  Namely, the rest of my life.  And how will the things I've been learning and experiencing translate into my family's day-to-day?  More pondering on that another time.
Tonight, a bit of fun was to be had with my book club. We've been together about ten years now, and we reflected tonight on the different stages of life we've experienced together. They are a great group of ladies, and I'm glad to have them in my life after all this time. Anyhoo....in preparing the snackies for my gang, I went with some unapproved treats for them to enjoy, but I also pulled in a few goodies for myself. This guacamole salad is something I've made for a little while now, even before the Whole 30.  I enjoyed it without the tortilla chips that I usually use to accompany it (though those were available for my fellow readers). I also served some fruit and found this fruit dip recipe. It's not your typical fruit dip all juiced up with Cool Whip, etc. so don't expect any out-of-this-world sweetness. But it did the trick for me (I especially recommend the chocolate).

It Takes a Village

Mother's Day is kind of a humbling day. I don't always feel like I'm doing that great of a job. This is for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the misguided comparisons I make to others and the perfectionism that seems to be deep-seated in my veins. Also, I yell a lot.  And yet, despite my fears that I'm failing,on Sunday I was lavished with hugs and kisses, homemade cards, adorable presents made at school, and declarations of love.

Oh yeah, and breakfast in bed. 

Cha-ching!

I reflected on Sunday how the best parts of me as a parent are due to, first of all, God's incredible grace.  Clearly He thinks I can do this job, but it wouldn't happen without His wisdom and guidance (when I shut up and listen, that is).  The best parts of me are also a result of the influence of all the incredible women in my life: my mom, mom-in-law, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, sisters, Christian mentors, and friends. Not to mention my husband without whom I would be a weeping mass prostrate upon the floor.  I mean more than I already am. It truly is taking a village to help raise my children; an amazing community of which I am undeserving but am eternally grateful for. To all of you who are a part of this tribe I thank you.

BACK TO FOOD!
I ate the delicious breakfast you see pictured above slowly, one delicious bite at a time. It's a root vegetable hash made of parsnips, turnips, beets, sweet potates, and carrots with venison steak** mixed in.  I (rather, my hubby) used the recipe found here. I also had it for breakfast this morning and will probably finish it up tomorrow. Hooray for leftovers!

**Yes, I've mentioned venison a lot during this journey.  We have family in Michigan who hunt and fish, so we are very lucky to get some quality meat.  Venison is not for everyone, but I enjoy it in the right dishes.

Sunday lunch was a trip to Chipotle.  Thank you, Chipotle, for serving well-raised meat and quality ingredients! My order was a fajita bowl sans beans and rice (lettuce lined the bottom instead) with steak, fresh tomato salsa, and green tomatillo salsa.  I love sour cream and was going to miss that creamy element the most, so I decided to give guacamole a shot.  I have never been a big fan of guacamole, but I've been branching out over the last two weeks and trying avocado in some other dishes, so with my palate slowly changing I thought I'd give it a go. I actually really enjoyed it! (in small quantities :) ) 

Sunday evening we enjoyed a stew that James pulled together and cooked in the crock pot all day. Meat of choice? Venison steak of course.  And pretty much every vegetable you can imagine (except white potatoes. My eldest son was fooled into thinking parsnips were potatoes, however.  Heh heh). I also had discovered this recipe for chile lime chicken wings that I just HAD to try, so we gave that a shot too.  The grill isn't quite fired up and ready yet so we did them in the oven.  Great flavor but they should definitely be grilled, we decided. We had an avocado-cilantro-lime dipping sauce and today I made a homemade ranch (from the book, duh) for the leftovers. Super yummy.

Some brussels on the side, yo.

Yesterday was a day for leftovers, which is fine by me. Dinner for me was eaten on the fly before dashing out the door, and I threw together this dish. It calls for fish sauce which I did not use because the only Whole 30-compliant fish sauce needs to be ordered on Amazon, and I am just way too Dutch for that business. It was a delicious little meal and very, very quick to make. Which me likey.

Tip of the day. 

I've been missing my fun drinks a bit, I cannot tell a lie. There's just no substitute for a glass of wine at the end of the day. And it would defeat the purpose of the Whole 30 and its mission to retrain the psychology that happens between me and food to TRY to substitute.  But just to mix up the blandness of plain ol' water all the time, I discovered these gems:

A little smidge of fruity after taste and some bubbles.  Works for me!



What day IS it anyway?

I've been moping around the last several days, inwardly (and sometimes outwardly) moaning about the things I'm deprived of right now. The fatigue has really decreased which is very helpful, and I haven't been AS emotional, but I am still very much fighting the emotional EATER inside myself. As I whined and craved, I had to stop and remind myself that this is a choice. I could eat the things I've been wanting if that's what I really desire.  But I realized it isn't what I really desire.  What I want out of this is to make my life about something more than food.  Its prominence in my thoughts was way out of proportion to what it should be.  My true desire is to learn to look at food the way God intended: as an enjoyable fuel source that energizes me to live a life that serves and glorifies Him. To be really, truly healthy.  To live the abundant life He came to give me.  Now, I know this doesn't come by bread (or lack of it) alone. But it's a good place to start.
The majority of my meals days 7 through 11 have been leftovers or repeats, which is good because my cooking utensils and I needed some space from each other. A few new things that did go down along with some observations:

This delightful dish is Moroccan Chicken (from the book) along with this recipe for Garlic Cauliflower Mashed "Potatoes".

As I was preparing the chicken for this dish, I made an observation.  Perhaps you observe it as well in the (horribly taken) picture below.  Warning: raw chicken sighting.  Kinda icky. But it's to make a point. 

The breasts on the left are conventional chicken that I bought frozen at Target. The ones on the right? Organic chicken from Whole Foods. Which one looks healthier to you? The color alone has me rethinking my plan to continue buying conventional for the rest of my family for awhile longer. (I know, so rude, right?  But geez, those organic chicks be expensive!)

Last night the hubs and I had an honest-to-goodness date night. Because he had some Bass Pro moolah leftover and because we are exceedingly Dutch to the core and must take advantage of gift cards, we headed over to Islamorada Fish Company, attached to the Bass Pro store. Before doing so, I perused the online menu to make sure I could, in fact, find something Whole 30 compliant to eat there. Lo and behold! We were able to start our evening with venison-stuffed mushrooms. It's supposed to come with an insanely delicious-sounding cheese sauce, which we politely declined. When the dish was brought out, it was swimming in something really yummy-but-not-Whole 30-approved-looking. We asked and were told it was a portofino sauce (this sauce was not mentioned as part of the dish on the menu).  The waitress noticed our distress at this surprise saucy concoction and asked if we wanted a new batch without it, but because I hate to feel like I'm being high-maintenance we declined the offer. I then quickly Googled portofino sauce and discovered it's riddled with dairy. But I chose the mushrooms that were least affected and just chalked it up to "too teeny to matter". (True confessions: along with this pint-sized cheat, I also tried one bite of my hubby's meal which was the all-you-can-eat fish fry.  So sue me.)

For din I ordered:

 Steak. Hold-the-potatoes-and-give-me-double-veggies (which I doused in fresh lemon juice, salt, and pepper - yum). With 5 little lemon-pepper shrimp on the side.  It was fantastic, and (observation #1:) when I was done, it's the first time in a looooong time that I did not leave a restaurant obscenely stuffed. I was just right full. Observation #2: I've noticed as I've looked over restaurant menus and grocery store aisles that the Standard American Diet has taken over to the extreme.  If I look at things in terms of what I "can't" eat as I'm striving to eat completely natural and whole foods, 90% of the foods around me fall into that category. It's pretty astounding.

Tonight's dinner:

A "deconstructed" burger with sweet potato fries and topped with a homemade, Whole 30-approved bbq sauce.  It doesn't taste like your regular bbq sauce but it was gooo-oood. This somewhat boring burger was also supposed to have mushrooms and tomatoes on it, but much to my chagrin, ye old pantry (or fridge) was bare of these items.  Time to get off to the grocery store!

Final observation.  I observed these cruel beauties on the front desk at work when I arrived this afternoon:

Cruel, I say.

They were immediately relegated to the kitchen in the back of the building.

 

Whole 30 - Days 5 and 6

Before I collapse into a heap on the floor, let me recap days 5 and 6, shall I? Yesterday morning found me nearly as tired as when I went to bed the night before, so that was kind of a bummer. I also experienced a meltdown of sorts this same morning wherein my husband found me crouched in front of the open refrigerator with my head in my hands. This mini-meltdown preceded the nuclear one I had this evening when my children found me in the chair in my bedroom with my head in my hands, sobbing and announcing what an utter failure I am in life.
Mmmmmkay. Not dramatic AT ALL.
My entire life feels ginormously over-large right now. Too overwhelming to handle. I am oh so tired.  And also, quite tired of seeing my kitchen. This seemingly endless cycle of chop-cook-wash is threatening to do me in (admittedly, this is not helped by the fact that I spent as LITTLE time as possible in there previously). And yet...I know this is all part of the process.  I have been well-prepared through my reading that this is all very likely to happen as my body detoxes all its junk (the fatigue, the emotions, the snapping at loved ones which I am trying to keep under control), but I have to go back and keep rereading that chapter just to make sure I'm not totally crazy.
Speaking of crazy.  My cravings have reached epic proportions.  At lunch time today, this, of all things, was calling my name in a very seductive and hard-to-resist voice:

I mean.

It's a CORN DOG.

Which, let's not deny they are delicious in their own way. But the desire I had to down this thing was just wrong. Particularly since it had already been torn apart by four-year-old teeth.

So I guess you could say that things could be better. But I'm pushing through. I'm confident it will be worth it in the end (which is what I keep chanting to myself in the hard moments).

Day 5

Breakfast:

After the previously mentioned meltdown, my husband sent me off to take a shower and pull myself together, and when I emerged a little more sane, he had this waiting for me:



Believe me, I do know how good I have it.

This deliciousness is ground meat, asparagus, and red bell pepper. And I really did not miss the cheese as much as I thought I would.

Lunch:

OH, lunch (aka Sunday dinner). There's not enough I can say about how good this meal was. For pete's sake, it included gravy.  GA-RAVAY. We used this recipe and anything in a slow cooker, especially if it comes out this good? is a hands-down winner in my book. And I've never had a more delicious gravy in my life. The sweet potato mash and green beans were great compliments. (But have I mentioned the gravy?)

Dinner:

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

(But no margaritas for this girl - sad face.)

I concocted a little taco salad using ground beef (seasoned with this taco seasoning recipe), lettuce, tomatoes, a red and green bell pepper/jalapeno mix, cilantro, and the Avocado dressing found in the book. Ole! (I cannot lie - I really missed my tortillas.)  We served this with roasted cauliflower. Which is not very Cinco de Mayo-y. Oh well.

Day 6

Breakfast:

Went with the old standby: sweet potato hash with a poached egg and a spinach/mushroom saute.

Lunch:

Leftovers from Friday night, this time with the avocado dressing. MUCH better.

Dinner:

Classic Chicken soup and a salad topped with a viniagrette (both recipes found in (where else?) the book).

DELISH.

Now I'm off to collapse. And saying a prayer that tomorrow starts the upswing of things.





Whole 30 - Days 3 & 4

Hoo, boy. The cravings have reared their ugly heads. It started out with potato chips and of course, lo and behold, as I pulled up to Walgreens, this was staring at me through the gigantic wall of glass.

Evil.
I've also been jonesing for ice cream (and behold - Dairy Queen is a block from my house.  Also evil). And then Aurelio's Pizza, which is, thankfully, not in the vicinity.
I was all sailing along on days 1 and 2 thinking what a fun adventure this was.  Now I feel a little resentful watching my hubs down that Coke (hey, at least it's not in my fridge anymore), and I caught myself narrowing my eyes at my boys as they were eating pizza tonight. I still fight myself not to mindlessly pick up their leftovers and scarf 'em down.
It Starts with Food outlines what to expect from week to week (and sometimes day to day) while on the Whole 30 and around day 2 or 3 you can expect to start suffering from something called the "carb flu".  As your body goes through "withdrawal" from sugar and the energy that it can so quickly bring you can experience a hangover-type feeling.  I wouldn't go quite that far (but then, I've had some nasty hangovers in my day.  Sorry Mom). But yesterday and today I hit a WALL around 5:00. Absolutely exhausted. And tonight I do have a bit of the headache that they say can show up. So that's not so fun. Definitely dragging a tiny bit through these days. However, I still feel 100% motivated and SO GLAD I am doing this.  And, honestly, pretty amazed.  That I, the junk food queen, am eating this way.  And enjoying it! Seriously.  If I can do it, ANY.ONE can. For reals.
So what've my eats been?

Day 3
Breakfast:
Repeat of days 1 and 2.  I still really enjoy it (which is shocking because I'm such a sucker for variety), but I am ready to try somthing new.

Lunch:

 I discovered this day that roasting asparagus is hard.  Or should I say easy...to overcook. I mean, look at my first batch...

What a sad little group of asparagi, may they rest in peace. My final crew (in the photo above) looks much healthier but were still a little on the chewy, as opposed to crisp, side. Live and learn. Twice baked sweet potatoes with turkey...still delish.

 

 

Dinner:

 



The recipe here created these tasty lettuce wraps (and tacos for the rest of my family), though I tweaked it to use chicken breasts rather than a whole bird.  While these had great flavor, it was kinda killing me not to have a sauce.  I LOOOOVE my condiments. Of course, the next day I remembered a section in the It Starts book with sauces, and there is a Dreamy Avocado Dressing that IS going on these leftovers tomorrow! The wraps were joined by a zucchini-red bell pepper-mushroom roasted medley.  

Day 4

Breakfast:

The main egg recipes found in the book are for variations on frittatas. I realized while rushing around yesterday morning that we do not have a pan that can also go in the oven, so I improvised and did mini-frittatas in cupcake tins. I threw in spinach, onion, and mushroom. My two younger boys had their Opening Day baseball parade, at which we needed to arrive at 8:15a.m., so this photo is taken while being eaten in my van on the way. :) 

Lunch:
Lunch was leftover mushroom-roasted cauliflower- chicken soup which reheated nicely and was joined by a side of kale chips, which were great for some crunch.

Dinner:

Dinner was, hands down, my favorite part of the day (well, that and watching little people play tball, which brought me a lot of joy and laughter). James made us salmon cakes topped with homemade tartar sauce, both recipes found in the book.  Oh. my. word. They were phenomenal and will be making a regular rotation here.  I hope. We had some roasted brussels sprouts on the side (yep, we are fans of the brussels around here).

 

We also tried making these delicious gems before dinner. As I suspected (though I did not heed these suspicions) lime and egg is just too weird a combination.  I'm definitely trying these again, minus the lime and with extra hot sauce.  This will no doubt make them fabulous.

 



Whole 30 - Days 1 & 2

I could probably add up on one hand the number of times I ate spinach in a month previous to this venture.  This week I've eaten it three times in two days.  And loved every bite.  Spinach gets a bad rap as far as I'm concerned.
So what have I been eating besides spinach?  And am I ready to sell my firstborn for a processed carb yet?  The answers to these and other burning questions are on the way.
So first, the blah-blah on revelations I've had in the past 48 hours:

- Cooking takes time. The food prep. Oh, the food prep. Yesterday was an intense day of cooking, particularly considering that I'm usually too lazy during the day even to pour myself a bowl of cereal. My hubs was a big help the night before my big start, but I still tackled a significant amount on my own yesterday afternoon.  Pretty much my day yesterday can be summed up by 1) cooking and 2) washing dishes. Probably I bit off a little more than I could chew for week 1. But I wanted yummy recipes, o-kay?? Seriously, though, I have given so little time to food in my daily life leading up to this point (aside from waiting in a drive-thru line), so it's definitely an adjustment committing time each day (mutiple times a day) to making myself something yummy and healthy and then sitting down to enjoy it. The program encourages eating undistracted (and clearly these authors were not parents at the time they published). So no t.v., computer, etc. A huge part of my eating time pre-Whole30 was spent watching a show, checking Facebook, even working sometimes. Now I sit down and chew and swallow, chew and swallow. And think a little too.  I'll admit I've felt a little antsy.  I'm not used to just focusing on FOOD.  I'm starting to wonder if I ever even really knew what food tasted like before because I was paying zero attention to it.
- There's almost nothing that I miss so far. I have felt extremely satisfied throughout the day. The evenings are the hardest because these were the times I'd really pig out.  On pretty crappy stuff. Last night I had a cup of tea to try to soothe away the cravings. Tonight I am blogging. Writing is now, apparently, my soft-pretzel-and-cheese substitute. You're welcome.
- I think the reason I've loathed cooking so is that it takes TIME.  And I'm always thinking of all these OTHER THINGS I could be doing with my TIME. Now I'm starting to think that there are a lot of other things that are not as important as taking care of my body and mind.  It's making me rethink some other things that I don't spend enough time with - like my Bible and my kids. The Whole30 team encourages (strongly) that you set out goals for yourself before beginning the program.  The goals don't even necessarily have to be just about food. My goals are to
1) Eat lunch five times a week with no distraction. Just me and good, healthy food (and probably some kids screwing around in the background somewhere, occasionally popping up to filch a bite**).
2) Get 7 hours of sleep per night. 
3) Develop more consistent spiritual rhythms in my life (ie: solitude and silence, reading Scripture, praying); at least five days a week.
- It's amazing how much mindless eating and drinking I have been doing previous to yesterday.  I almost turned into Dunkin Donuts yesterday for my iced coffee.  Iced coffee that I wasn't really even craving and certainly don't need, but that's how I do. If I'm out and about I pull in somewhere. Serving my boys lunch I almost delved into the potato chips, even though I didn't really have a hankering for any. I do that a lot, I realize.  Eat and drink stuff just because it's there. (Like the fizzy, delicious, beautiful Coke that is sitting in my fridge which I almost reached for yesterday.  WHY is there COKE in my fridge?!  Wah.)

Ok, on to the fun stuff.  The food.
Day 1 ~
Breakfast:

Meh. My pictures are not that great. And my table is kinda ugly, so I'm using placemats as my background. ;)

Yesterday's breakfast (and today's actually) consisted of sweet potato hash (recipe found in the book It Starts with Food), an egg (which I tried to make over-easy but failed; today my hubby poached me one - much better), and a spinach and mushroom saute. SOOOO tasty and good! The authors of the Whole 30 encourage you to change your meal labels from breakfast, lunch, and dinner to Meal 1, Meal 2, and Meal 3. That way it seems less awkward to be eating, say, venison for breakfast (which I was) as opposed to bacon or sausage.

**Side note: each of my kids actually did filch a bite of all this.  And exclaimed repeatedly over its goodness. There's hope for my family yet!

 

Lunch ~

For lunch, twice baked sweet potates and turkey, as found here,

And some roasted cauliflower. Let me just say that cauliflower drizzled with coconut oil, sprinkled with sea salt, and roasted is DI-VINE.  Another picked-on veggie that turned its life around.

 

Dinner ~

This deliciousness is also from the It Starts book - Italian-style chicken. We sauteed some green beans (and there's that spinach again!) to go with. My main man joined me in eating this meal and was very impressed. If I could just get him to eat breakfast and lunch I bet he'd totally be on board with this thing.

 

Day 2

Breakfast ~ (see Day 1)

 

Lunch ~

 



I was VERY excited to try this recipe because I really love mushrooms. I would say that I was not totally thrilled with the addition of coconut oil here.  It was a bit overpowering.  I think the next batch I will substitute olive oil.

Roasted zucchini and carrots on the side.  Very yum except that I let my zucchini get a little soggy. Bummer dude.

 

Dinner ~

 

Dinner was leftovers from last night.  Exciting stuff, right?  I devoted my day today to whipping my trashed house back into shape and slacked off on making anything new. But tomorrow's another day!

 

 

So far I am loving the Whole 30 adventure. I can't wait to see and feel some results, but just knowing that I am doing something so good for myself keeps me motivated. And for now, that's enough. 





Ch-ch-changes

(Anyone else humming a little David Bowie now?)
I wrote two posts ago about feeling kind of dried up. Out of words. Unable to express what's going on in life and mind. I feel like God is doing kind of a clean-up process on me in a lot of ways: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. I believe he wants me to simplify and surrender. This has been a running theme for me for awhile.  To that end I have been led to several books: 1,000 Gifts, Organized Simplicity, Get Healthy for Heaven's Sake, and It Starts with Food. We've done another tv fast to try and purge some screen-addiction. And it's SPRING!  The time for rebirth.  So all of these things lead me to this post.
One area I've always struggled with and have talked about here several times is my relationship with food. I am not overweight.  This by no means implies that I am HEALTHY.  I've tried many times to reset my body and brain when it comes to food, to no avail. In the past year, I've been led countless times to reading/viewing material and people who have brought up the subject of processed foods in our lives and what they do to our bodies, and a couple months ago found this website via Pinterest, which led me to purchase the book It Starts with Food. All of the information in it resonates with me and is something that has been supported by what I've been finding in other places too. It also lines up with my philosophy that food is God-created to fuel us and give us enjoyment, but it's another thing broken by sin, so we humans have just distorted the crap out of it.  Rather, we've distorted the crap IN.
After reading It Starts (the book that birthed the Whole30 program and website referenced above) I have felt strongly led to follow its program for myself to try and restore the relationship with food that I believe God intended for me from the beginning. Basically, it's all about coming back to completely whole and natural food.  The book and website are chocked full of not only scientific data about what various foods do to our bodies but also testimonials about how this program has eliminated health issues from people's lives while bringing renewed energy and strength.  Any "program", as I've perhaps falsely labeled it, leaves me a little wary.  Don't we hear conflicting evidence every day about what does or doesn't bring us health?  But as I said, this information seems to be supported multiple other places and also sits well with me just on a common-sense level.  Ok, whatevs - I sound like a salesman here.
Starting tomorrow I will be embarking on the Whole 30 journey, to the end (I hope) that my body and mind will be restored back to health (if I've ever truly been healthy) where food is concerned.  It's not going to be easy by any means.  For 30 days, I am asked to forego all sugars/sweeteners, grains and legumes (I know - legumes?!), dairy, processed foods, unhealthy fats, and alcohol.  If I had read that list even two months ago I would have laughed maniacally and thrown this book in the trash. But, I don't know how to explain it except for I'm ready for this.  I need this. And I'm actually (gulp) pretty excited about it. 
I am going to try and chronicle my journey here for my own sake, really.  Seeing as how I process things mostly through the written word, it only makes sense. Plus, maybe it provides me with a little accountability (from my one-two readers left out there :)  ).
Here's to the journey.  Cheers (that would be me toasting you with my last glass of wine.  For 30 days anyway).

Epic (failures of) Moments in Mom History

Every so often (at least weekly), I create a forehead-smacking moment that for weeks to come will have me pondering what-in-the-name-of-all-that-is-good-and-decent I was thinking. This morning was one such moment.
I tend to have a penchant for procrastinating. It doesn't usually end well when I choose this route, but because 35 years of experience mean, apparently, nothing, I pushed it again this week and left something for the very last minute. Thus my trip to Target this morning. With all three boys. 45 minutes before the start of school. (smacks forehead)
After a morning of pushing, prodding, and cajoling the crew through the school readiness routine of breakfast, clothing, teeth brushing, etc. I drove down newly-snow-covered-then-plowed streets, all the while doling out multiple warnings of how quickly we needed to accomplish this task and if certain somebodies did not want consequences or to be late for school then we'd all better move it. We made it to the actual store and through the parking lot virtually without incident (VIRTUALLY, I say) though as soon as we made it into the store there were, of course, bathroom needs. Commence grinding of teeth and deep breathing and repeats of aforementioned threats.
The first 30 seconds of actual shopping went well until Jeran was pulled, almost as if by tractor beam, to the Lego aisle. My blood pressure rose a few notches as I forcefully reminded him that we were IN A HURRY and DID NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS.  "Yep, ok Mom, I know," he replied as he sidled over to the Star Wars display.  I told him I was moving on and promptly did so, moving a little further across the store, then of course returning to threaten (a little more loudly this time), then moving on again. In pretty short order I had the few items I'd come for and stood waiting at the end of the toy section, tapping my foot and making loud, dramatic sighing noises (for whose benefit, I have no idea, since Jeran was much too engrossed to be appropriately motivated by them, as I'm SURE he would have been had he been within earshot).
This is the moment when things truly went downhill.  I muttered something inspiring like, "That. is. IT", grabbed hold of the cart and proceeded to fly at top speed back toward my oldest child. It was a bit of an out-of-body experience as I watched myself rampaging down the aisle. Thinking back, I believe I must have looked much akin to the Wicked Witch of the West except with shopping cart as opposed to broom, and a bright red face instead of a green one.  But picture the same cruel intent in the eyes. I then listened to myself very loudly reprimand my child for how late he was making us, pounding my fist into my palm to enforce my point. Something in the back of my mind told me to take it easy, take a breath, take a MOMENT for pete's sake, particularly as I realized that there were several store employees around who were witnessing this whole debacle. But I just couldn't stop myself.  And this dude was not getting the message.
On to plan B.  I marched my irate self up to Guest Services and asked a most pleasant (and unsuspecting of how soon she was to be dragged into my mess) employee if she could please make an announcement for me over the store intercom. Surely if Jeran heard himself very publicly called to the front of the store it would get him moving. Pleasant Employee informed me they no longer had the ability to do such a thing, and I just launched, shamefully, right into manipulation mode.
"Well, I don't know where my child is."
This big fat lie of a statement, of course, soon sparked a domino effect of employee handset activity as the word went out about my wandering child. Who I was pretty sure was right where I had left him. Finally starting to realize that I had probably carried this a bit too far (and that any employee within 100 feet of the Lego aisle would know about my multiple encounters there with my child), I quickly went back to collect him, sheepishly showed the Guest Services employee that I did, indeed, have him back in my possession and with much more muttering and exasperated utterances, checked out and departed.

Why do I recount this story? I guess it's mainly because of the power words have for me as I strive to process. And the shame and regret and humiliation that hit me like a Mack truck the second we were all back in the car MUST, I feel, be put into words in order for me to move past them. While I have certainly had experiences when I've left a public place feeling that my children's behavior will most likely mark us as banned from the premises, this time it is only me who should probably avoid showing my face there again. My kids really were not ill-behaved in this situation.  Nope, that was AAALLLL me.

It's all left me very embarrassed and aware of the need for change. I have become the mom I used to feel some embarrassment for when I'd see her out in public, yelling at her children and making empty threats and in general just seeming very desperate and unglued.
It all went wrong the second I made the decision to put off until tomorrow what could have been done today (multiple times, no less).  But it goes beyond that. So many lessons have come out of this for me:

• I went into this situation EXPECTING the very worst of my children. My constant warnings and threats basically told them I think they're too naughty and too dumb to respond to me any other way. I think I do this often.
• I am in way too darn much of a hurry in my life. Everything is urgent and immediate and must be done on my time table.
• I have an anger issue.  In this case,  if I had just taken a freaking breath and given my son (whose obsession with Legos is both legendary and a force beyond his control) three minutes to look them over we probably could have avoided the whole scene and been out of there sooner.

All of these played into this morning's mess. And none of them are news to me. But I was humbled (yes, and humiliated) in a new way this morning and am challenged to rethink my response to life in general. I believe that God wants to use what He allowed me to see in myself this morning to further me on my journey with Him. I believe He needs me to chill the heck out and think about what my actions are teaching my children and telling the world-at-large about who I am. How can I tell my boys to be patient when I am constantly hurrying them along at my pace? How can I teach them about grace when I am flying off the handle at any inconvenience? How can I expect them to be kind when I point out their flaws, however inadvertently?
My thoughts on this can't really be wrapped up all nice and neat.  It's a process, both mothering and growing as a person. So the journey continues...

All Dried Up

Many Two of you expressed despair mild disappointment over the fact that your Christmas greeting from our home did not include the usual family update. Honestly, I felt I had nothing to say.This year was uneventful, it seems, and in many ways I feel like we're exactly where we were a year ago.  For many reasons this disappoints me.  I had high hopes of a year filled with growth and maybe a little bit of change. But here we are. The same things about myself that frustrated me then, frustrate me now. Vices from years past plague me still. We reside in our tiny house in our mid-sized suburb. It's a whiny, complain-y way to start off 2013, no? I wish I could look back and say I just sucked the life out of 2012.  That was my intention anyway. But I keep getting all caught up in my head, wondering what's God doing?  What does he have in store? And vascillating between waiting for life to start and pleading with it to slow down.
See why I haven't been blogging lately?  Who wants to listen to this?
In the past couple of years, I've been trying to focus my growth in the area of a word with which I feel God supplies me.  The past couple of years it has been surrender.  Again, I wish I could speak to great growth in this area.  It's slow in coming. This year I think God has a couple of things He wants to teach me and our entire family, for that matter.  The first is:
-wait. While I do some whining about how small our house feels and about the fact that life seems to be in a holding pattern (thus, no Christmas update), I sense God asking us to just be patient and stay put. He has us exactly where we are for a reason.
I have also felt a strong pull to the words gratitude and contentment. Because I think a lot of my struggle has to do with not being these things. This especially came to my attention during the most recent Christmas season when, despite my best efforts, I found myself all caught up in the consumeristic b.s. that tends to overshadow the true meaning of the time.
I don't know what 2013 will hold.  But I am entering into it, despite the disappointment of what last year was or wasn't,  with a great sense of hope and peace. That whatever comes our way, whether earth-shattering and new, or steeped in sameness, whether full of life or seemingly dull and dried up (even if that's just my words), God is in it.

Falling Forward

This is the amazing thing about writing, about words. When someone can say what's so exactly filling your heart and your mind.
Like this.