Aaaaaaaand....we're still here

Today brought about another visit to the dr. for me. To my (albeit inexpert) mind, things have been happening the last several days (as mentioned in the previous blog) that have led me to believe my body is finally readying itself to deliver a baby. Alas, dear friends, the kindly woman I saw today broke the news that I am essentially at the same place I was last week (3 cm, 70% effaced - although that part was not shared with me last week). I admit to a moment of frustration when tears threatened to spill, but then she offered to "help things along", MUCH to my delight. So, trying to keep this blog G-rated, she did some (ahem) stretching and further thinning. As she phrased it, "according to my ladies" (so cute) when she does this, labor generally kicks in within the next day or two. At that news, if a pregnant woman could do cartwheels (as I understand, this is ill-advised) I would have done it. HERE'S HOPING. She also shared with me a tidbit that others have failed to mention, which probably would have stopped the high hopes I've been carrying with me that have led to such bitter disappointment this week. With Ben coming two weeks early due to my water breaking, she said such things can be a "fluke" for lack of a more noble medical term. Sometimes she said it's just a matter of baby moving in a certain way as to start the water breaking, not necessarily a product of my body having been ready to give birth. In which case, it doesn't have any bearing on this child being early as well. Good to know! This woman became my new favorite today and I wish I had requested just to see her all along. SO, as things stand, I could very possibly go into labor before the weekend. Mind you, I'm not holding my breath. But one can hope. Should I make it to next week's doctor appt., she had me make it with her again, and she said we'll definitely talk induction at that time, probably for Wed. or Thurs. Stay tuned....

Waiting

Despite my best intentions, I find that I have allowed myself to get a little crazy over the fact that baby #3 is not here yet. I think I would be ok were it not for the fact that A) I have been offered the utmost confidence in an early birth by every medical professional I've encountered at the doctor's office the past several weeks and B) I have had signs of labor since Friday with no real action to speak of. In my logical little brain, I understand that labor signs can last for weeks. I also know that nobody can say with absolute certainty when a baby will decide to make his/her appearance. However, the emotional side of me finds it absolutely maddening that I have not gone into full-blown labor yet. I just find it VERY difficult to be in this limbo period, when I don't feel like I can make many plans, etc. I also am very tired of being pregnant and not having the energy I so desperately need to keep up with my boys. I'm very ready to just meet this baby and get on with the rest of our lives. With that said, I know that God's timing in these matters is perfect, and each contraction or other sign of labor means we are a step closer to actually getting there. Also, as I went to bed last night I glanced at the basinette waiting (waiting, waiting, waiting...) in our bedroom and was confronted with the fact that I have 2 children who used to fit in it. One is now 4 years old and will be starting school next year, and one is 16 months, cruising and babbling his away around our house. I thought to myself, "Do I really want to keep wishing away precious days that are already flying by too fast?" And the answer is no. So I'm trying to keep a tight rein on my anxiety to get this baby here and also trying to keep living life, one day at a time. And also, trying every old wives' tale known to man about how to jump-start labor.

Preggo update

There is hope! An end is in sight! Hallelujah. Yesterday at the doc I was told I am about 3 cm dilated (last week I was 1) and that, according to where I was with my last 2 kids, I'm "moving right along" (according to the doctor), and he feels fairly certain I will not make it to my due date. Woohoo! I brought up induction just to cover all my bases. Not that that is really my first choice because honestly, I would love for my body to just do the job it's been designed to do. But my cousin is getting married in Michigan on May 15, and both James and Jeran are in the wedding. So things start to get complicated if I go past my due date of May 6. Anyway, I could tell the doctor wasn't real gung-ho about the idea of induction, but after he had examined me and given me the 3 cm news, he said it seems like a moot point right now anyway. I tell you what, though, if I'm back in that doctor's office next Wednesday he and I are going to have MUCH more serious words about this.

Legacy

I attended my last MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) function for the year this morning, and the speaker was really phenomenal. His topic was on that of "Visionary Parenting" (also the name of his ministry, which you can take a look at: www.visionaryparenting.com ), specifically, how do we as parents INTENTIONALLY pass on faith and character to our children? He referenced the verses in Deuteronomy 6:5-7 about loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength, and doing this through commitment to His commandments and passing these on to our children. He named the family unit as a God-designed discipleship center - this is our ministry, whether we are parents who have further ministries (or jobs) outside the home or not. Home is the place where we disciple our children and impress upon them a love for God. We have divinely ordained power over our children's hearts that no one else can touch. This was a good reminder for me, to be sure, but what really hit me was his closing prayer. Not only did he pray for the souls of our children but went on to pray for the souls-to-be of our grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I was floored. I had never thought that far ahead in my lineage and how the way I'm living now affects the future so profoundly. I am constantly thankful for my grandparents (and great-grandparents, etc.) and the heritage of faith that, through their lives and commitment to Christ, has been passed down to me. What a sobering thought to even imagine that, because I would not take the time to very intentionally bring Christ into every aspect of our home, I could end that legacy. Not that that is the case. But I can say with certainty that we haven't been doing this job as whole-heartedly as we could and should be. It will involve a hard look at priorities in our home and what are the things we are prioritizing (involving our time, money, etc.) teaching our kids about God and our relationship to Him? It will also involve more committed self-discipline in my own faith walk, which is an ongoing battle for me.

Well, lucky readers, I have an updated status on Benjamin's weight for you all since I had to take him into the prime care center tonight. He is 25 lbs. Weren't you losing sleep over that tidbit of info?
Our dear boy has been congested for the past week or so and today woke up from his nap with a 102 degree fever. Tonight he awakened at 9 pm with a 105 degree fever. First order of business was to panic a little bit, then give Motrin, then call Mom Gunnink for some nurse's advice, and then I (calmly of course) drove him to prime care. Turns out he has an infection in his right ear and a sinus infection. Glorious. He was such a trooper through all the doctor and nurse rigamarole as well as a late-night trip through the Walgreens pharmacy drive-thru (side note: MANY, many more places should have drive-thru service. The post office for example). He is now sleeping soundly after being juiced up with Tylenol and amoxicillan and will hopefully remain a sleeping cutie until 7 a.m. at LEAST, I hope.

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's to the doc we go!

Three out of the four (and a half) members of our family have been to visit the doctor for routine check-ups in the last couple of weeks. Here are our updates:

Ben: I wish I had more specifics about weight, height, etc. For whatever reason we didn't get these stats in writing this time, so I don't have much in the way of detail to relay. I can tell you that he was discovered to have another case of double ear infections (once again undetected by me - no mother of the year award here; however, James had been insisting for the past week that I should get him checked out. WHY don't I listen to my man more often?). Developmentally he seems to be a-ok and right on track. His words are a bit slow in coming. To date we get lots of "da" (for dad) and "mama" as well as "hi" and "bye" accompanied by waving or blown kisses. He's been doing a lot more mimicking so we've caught (what we believe, anyway) to be the makings of "thank you", "J.J.", and "love you". And while he's finally got the crawling on all fours thing down-pat, independent walking has been a reluctant achievement for him as well. He'll cruise while hanging onto our hands or other objects, but only in the last couple of days has he finally started taking a few steps on his own between mommy and daddy. Which of course we have been ecstatically enthusiastic about. He is as joyful and silly as ever. This is an incredibly fun age for me, albeit busy because he is into EVERYTHING. Consuming food is still a favorite pastime (just try to get an edible item past this guy), but he's grown a bit pickier as time goes on.

Jeran: As with Ben, specifics on his growth are absent this time around. All looked healthy and well, although we can't say that with any kind of certainty regarding his ears since he threw a screaming, murderous fit when the doctor tried to go near them. Which leads us to some of the developmental questions we brought up. We've been concerned for some time about JJ's coping abilities (or lack thereof) and his sensitivity to certain things. Case in point, anything to do with his ears. He also despises haircuts and claim they hurt. I haven't cut his fingernails in probably two years because, again, we encounter a screaming-bloody-murder tantrum. He now simply picks at or bites his nails to avoid the dreaded clippers. Another thing we've noticed is (as I've mentioned here before) the intensity of his hugs and the frequency with which he needs physical touch. He uses his whole body when giving a hug, especially the face which he will grind into yours with incredible force. While he's doing this he's biting on his cheek which I take to be some sort of sensory input device he needs. We also notice that he melts down SO fast when something frustrates him, doesn't go his way, etc. SO - with all that said, the doctor's advice was to go ahead and get some testing done if we are truly concerned. For her, he falls into a category of kids who, at this age, could really go either way: he will yet grow out of many of these things OR they will turn into larger issues as time goes on. So I'll be putting in a call to to our school district one of these days to see if they can get the ball rolling on that. The doc reiterated that she doesn't have major concerns about Jeran and remarked on his intelligence as well, but I guess I would rather know at this point what is "normal" and what is not. The teacher in me feels that if there's some sort of occupational therapy or sensory input that would be beneficial to Jeran and would allow him to thrive even more then why wouldn't I want to pursue that? We'll keep you posted on these and many other things Jeran-related. His obsessions still revolve around moving vehicles, specifically trains (at least we've branched out from "Thomas and friends" as the answer to the question: Who are your friends?). He also has been asking incessantly when his dirt will come back so he can play outside with his trucks and bulldozers. :-)

Me: My latest doctor appointment was yesterday and all looks great with baby. Growing well, strong heartbeat, head is down and in the ready position. Now we just need for other things to start happening. As of yesterday I am at one centimeter dilated which is encouragement that SOMEthing is happening, but by no means has me giddy with anticipation. Ben was 2 weeks early, and the doctor seemed to indicate that that could easily mean another early baby here. But that stuff isn't foolproof, I know. For many reasons, I'm torn between wanting to last another week (or even two) and just wanting this baby to come yesterday. I'm trying to just trust God's timing and keep getting things ready, but I think if next week's appointment gives me the same results I will be one frustrated mama. Overall I'm feeling good, just tired and cumbersome in my movements. It's so hard to keep up with my boys when feeling this way, not to mention caring for my husband and my house on top of it. And yet, it comes and goes. Some days I'm able to accomplish a lot, other days getting out of bed is a success. In any case, the waiting game continues....

My life with boys

Although I feel that, somehow, I should have seen this coming, I find that I am taken aback at my sons' recent obsession with their "junk" (not to put too fine a point on it). With Jeran I can see the natural obsession as he was just recently potty trained and, let's face it, James and I spent a lot of time directing his attention to that area of his body. I just didn't realize he would become SO enamored with it. To the point that I find myself uttering, dozens of times a day, phrases like, "Hands out!" or "Keep it in your pants!" and then liberally squirting hand sanitizer and/or chasing him to the bathroom to wash his hands. I know this is all very normal, but, not being able to relate, it also is a tad disturbing to me. Especially when he is exposing himself to family members (thank goodness it's ONLY been family members so far). We've had to sternly have the talk about which body parts stay private. Ben, to a much lesser degree, also seems to have picked up on this curiosity about his anatomy, but he has much more limited access at this point, so it's not as big of an issue. Lest any of you should be squeamish from here on out about having my boys around and touching you or your things, rest assured we remain vigilant about sanitary procedures following these "fondling" episodes.

The boys and I enjoyed a week of "spring break" last week . It doesn't totally count when you don't have a full time job outside the home, I don't think, but the fact that I essentially have 3 part-time jobs and that I got a break from all of them last week, made it count for me. We had LOTS of fun meeting up with friends and just in general enjoying a break from some of the normal routines. The weekend was a different story. I nearly put myself into pre-term labor getting all crazy and obsessive about cleaning and organizing the house. I've been taking care of these types of things slooooowly over the past month or so but for some reason, Saturday was THE day that I had to get it all taken care of. Which I did, and it only took me about 12 hours. Ridiculous. A big project that got taken care of a couple of weeks ago, thanks to 5 friends and 2 chainsaws, was the removal of a huge dead evergreen in our front yard. Pics below. It was a precarious process being planted so close to the house and all, but luckily there were some experienced men in the crew that had an inkling what to do. I still can't decide if the beer involved was helpful or contributed to the precariousness. With all that said and done, I do feel ready for baby and whatever else may come our way.

Speaking of baby, we are in countdown mode. 4 weeks to go! I have watched way too many friends suffer in the past year as they convinced themselves they would give birth early, so I'm trying not to go there mentally. However, after having Ben two weeks early, feeling the way I do (which is REALLLLY low on energy and tight/heavy in the belly), having the doc say that baby is already in position (I know this really doesn't mean anything - I'm not totally delusional), and just in general really HOPING that I go a little bit early, well, I'm no mathematical genius, but I really hope this all adds up to an early baby. Time will tell. It's definitely tough to keep up with the boys these days so, even though I know I'll be totally low in the sleep department, I'm anxious to get some of my normal energy level back.



36 weeks!

While we're on the topic of sleep, it's once again escaping us in our household. For the past week or so we've had one or both boys waking up several times a night. For Ben we blame it on teeth although I don't know if that's really the case. With Jeran I don't really know what's going on . We seem to go through spurts of really long periods of great sleep and then weeks like this past one where it feels as if we'll never sleep again. I understand that it's good preparation for having a newborn again, but quite frankly, keep the preparation. I'd rather just have my sleep while I can. :-)