ABC, Easy as 1-2-3

And thus, with that title, ends my tribute to Michael Jackson. I don't want to be callous about his death because any death (especially so suddenly) is a horrible tragedy and will no doubt be difficult for his family and friends. What I get disgusted by is the inundation by media of his life and death coverage. I flash back to college when Princess Diana's and Mother Theresa's deaths coincided. I remember (hypocrite that I am) watching hours of Princess Di funeral coverage but seeing virtually nothing about Mother T. It's pretty disgusting. Anyway...enough of my rantings.

How best to update on weeks of many happenings? I decided to take a page from my creative friend, Jeanne's, Christmas letter and work in A-B-C format. And so I present to you our alphabetical life update:

Antibiotics: Benji and I have both found ourselves in need of these in the last 2 weeks.

Back to Michigan: we've been there twice now in two weeks. Unexpectedly, if you will. The first trip was planned as a golf outing for James and Fathers' Day celebration with family. The second time was my spur-of-the-moment decision to go and help with some flood clean-up.

Cousins: My boys (especially Jeran) have gotten to spend a good deal of time with Michigan cousins. James's brother, Keith, and sister-in-law, Jeni, and their 3 kids (all close in age to ours) moved from Oregon to MI in May. We are SO excited to have them around and spend more time together!

Dads: We celebrated Fathers' Day our first trip to Michigan. I am SO grateful for and crazy about my dad, dad-in-law, and husband. I need another post to regale you with all the reasons they are my heroes.

E.R.: Our first time to Michigan, two weekends ago, I ended up visiting the ER on Friday night due to an intense urinary tract infection. I can't pinpoint why, but there is something decidedly embarrassing about this. More on that in another post.

Family: I have been so blessed by all the time I've had to spend with my extended family in the past couple of weeks. I've been spoiled by their generosity in helping out with my kids and have now caught a glimpse of what exactly I have been missing all this time that I've been living in Illinois. (A tough pill to swallow) I love you guys!

Gripe water: This little herbal miracle was recommended to me by my sister-in-law Jeni as a possible solution to Grayson's colicky behavior. While medical personnel and some parents aren't convinced of its effectiveness I can say that for the two weeks we've been using it we have DEFINITELY seen a difference. Found it in the baby aisle at Walgreens, and it's the best $10 I ever spent. Our greatest difficulty, it seems, is when he is in his car seat. He just seems to hate it. Not good with all the driving our life involves. I am happy to say that with all the driving back and forth to and from Michigan he really did very well.

HMO: This is the type of insurance I have. Up until now I have been VERY happy with it (can we say two FREE labors and deliveries? That's right...we didn't pay a dime), but now I see why some people have warned me of its complexities. Being stuck in Michigan with a UTI was no picnic in the first place but was made many times more complicated by the fact that I had to track down the right doctor after hours on the phone to get a referral to an urgent care center. After an hour talking to insurance and doctors' answering services I was sent to the ER. HMO is now synonymous with "Pain in my butt".

Ice cream: my summertime addiction has begun. I can't get enough.

J.J.: He's gotten, as I said, lots of time with cousins in these past 2 weeks. He has spent the night twice now at his cousin, Bella's. She's one year older than him, and they already have the perfect love-hate relationship. :-) It's been really fun to see them getting to know each other and to hear him talk about how much he loves her and her brother Keagan. They spent lots of time in the backyard partaking in water activities such as the slip 'n slide, water balloons, squirt guns, mini pool, etc. This week he will start 2 park district classes, one involving sports and the other is more of a preschool-type format (and gives mom a break! - thanks for that one Steph!).

Keeping up: Things I have learned I cannot keep up with in my life right now: a clean house, gardening (not that I was much of a green thumb anyway), cooking (my husband is absolutely brilliant in this arena), this blog, reading (great sadness attached to this one), my friends (sorry guys - I'm trying), the bills, laundry.

Letting go: Finally, with child #3, I am learning to let go of some of the things in the list above (or at least letting go of some of the guilt attached to these things). I know I have to be better at prioritizing in order to hang on to any shred of sanity. And so I am practicing letting go.

Minnie the Van: Have I mentioned how much I LOVE my van? While the coolness factor is perceived as decidedly low, I can't sing its praises enough. After the aforementioned Michigan travels and a trip to the zoo today with our whole family and my in-laws all comfortably fit in, it has proven its worth in spades.

Nothing: the price I paid for both Ben's and my antibiotics. Meijer RULES.

Otitis media: Fancy medical jargon for "ear infection". Ben had one in both ears this past week. His fever was 103.5 on Tuesday night, but I put off a trip to the urgent care to see if his fever would go down and symptoms dissipate which they did. The next morning, however, he was MISERABLE (capital M), so we got him on antibiotics ASAP. NEver again will I ignore my instincts and put off having a sick kid looked at. P.S. - to whom it may concern: the Holland urgent care center should DEFINITELY have a frequent visitor discount. I'm absolutely certain I would qualify. Nearly every time we're out of town we end up having to make a visit.

Photos: I am crushed to tell you that in the great flood swamping my folks' basement (see "Water"), I lost nearly all of my life in pictures up to this point. Three albums I had painstakingly scrapbooked as well as one my mom made for me (with countless pictures of me growing up) were waterlogged. I was able to rescue quite a few of the photos themselves (scarred as they are), but to see all that hard work go so quickly down the drain (no pun intended) made me physically ill.

Quit: Because of the photo album/flood tragedy I may be throwing in the scrapbook towel for good. That's a LOT of time and money to put into something that can so easily be destroyed. That could be said of many things though I suppose.

Realtor: We finally had one call with clients who wanted to see our house last week Sunday. First visit in the 2 months our house has been on the market. The verdict? Our price is too high and the bedrooms/closets too small. Let the waiting continue.

Salvage: My mom and dad were able to salvage very little (although, from my end, I am very grateful to them for cleaning off a trunk my grandpa made for me and I'm grateful to my in-laws for washing three huge bins of the boys' clothes). However, my parents' attitude has been a good reminder for me. They took everything in stride, are smart to have had an emergency fund, and realize that the things of this world are fleeting. They continually teach me the right perspective I need to be having.

Treasures: "Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. FOR WHERE YOUR TREASURE IS, THERE YOUR HEART WILL BE ALSO." - Matthew 6:19-21

Urgent care: I successfully navigated a trip to urgent care for Ben with all 3 boys in tow and was very happy with the prompt attention we received. We were in and out in less than an hour. I'm sure the 4-year-old and 18-month-old taking over the waiting room were no motivation whatsoever to move us through.

Vacation: James got a bit of one last week Thursday - Sunday as he was golfing with his buddies around Benton Harbor, Michigan. This works out well for me since upon his return he is more refreshed and I can shove the kids at him and run. Just kidding (sort of).

Water: Following the "Great Storm of '09" my parents' basement took on a bit of water: two and a half feet of it to be exact. It was a sight to behold (see pics below). My parents were out of town, so my brother and sister-in-law dealt with the tragedy handily, spending all day with rented pumps getting the water out. At the end of the day they realized water was still leaking in, so we all left a little dejectedly. Come Sunday, however, he checked things out and all water had drained away leaving lots of sogginess in its wake.

Xray vision: Something I clearly need since when leaving my parents' house one night this week I backed right into my mom's car which was parked behind me and which my mom had just REMINDED me was right behind me. That's what multiple children and multi-tasking will do to you. Luckily no damage ensued and my parents were very cool about it.

Yearbooks: Another tragic loss claimed by the flood. Along with much teaching paraphernelia, our high school and college diplomas, and a few other nostalgic items. Sniff.

Zoloft: A fabulous little blue pill that is helping to keep my emotions on a more even keel and allows me to cope a little more readily with the whirlwind of my life right now. My wonderful dr. suggested at my six week checkup that perhaps I'd like to try a little something to just help balance me out right now. I highly recommend.

So clearly Michigan, floods, family, and illness have consumed our time in the previous weeks. More and more I'm getting the hang of three kids and growing accustomed to accessorizing outfits with spit-up and catching only the occasional shower. Hopefully life can remain a little more uneventful and a lot more fun in the days to come.

Rejected by scientologists everywhere

Tom Cruise and John Travolta will, most likely, not be joining my circle of friends, seeing as I have become a rather liberal medicator of my children (yeah, THAT'S the reason). There was a time when I was hesitant to bust out the Tylenol, but now we use it (among other drugs of choice) much like Windex in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". A remedy for any and all ailments or mood changes. I bring it up since Grayson started on Zantac yesterday. Yes, Zantac. He's essentially on heartburn meds for babies. While cute as a button (cuter, in fact, as I don't find buttons that attractive) and precious as can be, he has grown increasingly challenging in the last week. His fussy time has grown to encompass the entire day. Sometimes it's all-out screaming and crying, sometimes it's just generally being unsettled and fussing. To date we have tried the following remedies:
- walking around
-driving around
- holding in different positions
- feeding
- burping
- feeding again (and again and again)
- heating pad on the tummy
- swing
- bouncy seat
- bouncy seat on vibrate
- wildly bouncing bouncy seat on vibrate
- pacifier
- music
- other forms of noise

Each of these works at one time or another but not consistently and not for very long. Thursday things hit their peak when he was fussy the entire time I was out running errands with him. I was starting to get "the look" from fellow shoppers. You know the one I'm talking about: pity mixed with relief that they're not in the same boat. Sometimes with a tinge of irritation. I finally decided to call the doc just to set my mind at ease that we were doing everything possible for him. The office ended up having us come in just to check him out, and the doc said it would be worthwhile to give Zantac a week's trial just to rule out reflux. The past couple of days have been a bit of an improvement, and we're also entering into that 6th week of life when babies generally peak with their fussiness. I don't know if that causes me to feel more relief (that the end could be in sight) or dread (that this week will be worse than all the rest). Time will tell. The pluses here: I am learning to better tolerate kid crying and the older boys are learning a lot about patience (although not always by my modeling it for them).

Happy Elevenniversary

That was then...this is now.

Eleven years & going strong. Gosh, I love this guy.

Emotional Roulette

Hormonally speaking, I'm about done in. I have been all OVER the map just in the past 24 hours. Sparing many gruesome details, I'll just give you some highlights (and lowlights):
- My fabulous friend, Trudy, took Jeran and Ben for the day yesterday, giving me a wonderful break from juggling the needs (usually urgent and usually simulataneous) of 3 children. Emotions: euphoria, glee, relief
- My mom came in for another visit. Emotions: excitement, relief (again), and sadness (because she left again after just 24 hours)
- James had a meeting at church last night, not arriving home until 9:30ish, then proceeded to tell me he's leaving at the crack of dawn today; add to this the fact that he will be at a conference downtown Thursday and Friday (again, warranting an early departure and late arrival) and you have me experiencing: despair, anxiety, rage
- Grayson, while not ratcheted up to "colicky" in my book, has certainly made it to the "crabby/ fussy" page. While I realize this happens to many babies and will most certainly end within a few weeks, I still find myself: frustrated, enraged, depressed (particularly since it can and has hit at any time of the day and/or night).
-Feelings of isolation and loneliness just by nature of geography. The suburbs are killer that way.


The whole fussy baby thing is really throwing me for a loop. Yesterday it lasted throughout the morning, broke for the afternoon (thank goodness), and returned with a vengeance for, oh, 5 hours or so last night. It's SO INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING not to know what the problem is. For one thing, he seems constantly hungry. I try to hold him off for at least 2 hours, but there are times when he seems to be rooting 4 minutes after being off the breast. IF there is anything that calms him down, it's different everytime. Sometimes it's more nursing or a bottle, sometimes it's the pacifier, sometimes it's the way we hold him, sometimes it's the swing or bouncy seat. It's never the same remedy twice in a row. It's exhausting and gives me a couple more emotions to grapple with: empathy for parents who have dealt with colic (I'm praying we don't reach that level, although maybe that's really where we are and I just don't realize it. Enter more panic) and dread for the weeks to come.
I also find myself continuing to deal with mom guilt. It's one of satan's greatest tools against me. I find so much self-doubt within myself about successfully parenting 3 boys. I beat myself up about discipline issues and how much time I spend with my boys (or don't), about not being the fun mom they deserve and about the spiritual training they are (or are not in many cases) receiving from me.
Anyway, like I said. Not a great time for me emotionally. I wouldn't place myself on the full-blown postpartum depression scale quite yet, but I'm definitely having some battles with my hormones & not finding the ability to find much wit and humor in the whole thing. Sorry to be Debbie Downer today (wah wah). :-) (Ok that does bring a slight smile to my face because I love that SNL skit.)

So I'm not technologically literate enough to know how to change my blog address, but I figure I've gotta throw Grayson a bone and at least change the title. My hope is that one day soon life will feel like the party I know it can be with so many fun boys in my life.

See how fun they all are? Sadly, this is the only photo of me from the past month, but it about sums things up on my end. :-)

The Great Train Adventure

Now that a few hours have passed, I can look upon this afternoon as an adventure (as so stated in the title of this post) and not as a panic attack-inducing foray into my worst nightmares. Let's start with the sad fact that my mom had to return home this afternoon. She was an incredible help to us this week and spoiled all of us in countless ways. I cannot thank you enough, Mom! Her journey home was to take place via train, so we loaded up Minnie the Van to bring her to Union Station downtown. Generally, making a downtown Chicago trip is no biggie to me. I love the city and feel pretty confident with my driving skills (although, Mom, I saw you white-knuckling it a few times during our trip today - sorry about that. :-) ), and I knew we wouldn't have to get out of the car at any point in time, so I didn't think twice about this trip. After 12 years of living in the greater metropolitan area of Chicago, you'd think I would factor in the given that is rush hour traffic. You would also think that I'd be smart enough to know before leaving the house not only the exact way I'm taking TO my destination but also how to get home FROM it. Since neither of these genius notions crossed my synapses I entered the city limits today in the worst possible condition I could be in - unprepared.
The ride down was fairly uneventful. Traffic was a little heavier than I would have anticipated at the 3:30/4:00 hour, but we successfully navigated our way to Union Station and bid our reluctant farewells to "Nana"...amidst Jeran's sudden declarations that he had to use the potty. Of course. He was told he had to hold it. No sooner had we pulled away from the curb than Grayson began stirring. Following on the heels of his increasing cries for food was the realization that I didn't actually know where I needed to go to get back on I-55. I, who so pride myself on my sense of direction, then spent 15 minutes driving around essentially the same city blocks, now clogged with taxis, buses, and pedestrians, feeling my panic mount as Jeran continued to insist upon his need for a bathroom. At the same time, Grayson had launched into a full-scale infant wail to remind me that he was flippin' starving! Ben decided at this time to chime in with his own cries of hungry protest about being held captive in his car seat. This was the moment my husband called to check in, and I did what comes naturally to me in these times of stress - burst into tears. While talking me through the way home, James also insisted that I pull over somewhere safe and attend to the pressing needs of our kids before trying to make my way home blinded by tears and frustration. Right. Pull over in the middle of the city and drag 3 kids age 4 and under to a potty and a place to nurse. James suggested finding a self-park garage in which to nurse Grayson and digging up a container of some sort for Jeran to let loose in (an option my mom had also offered up). When I felt confident that I knew where I needed to go to get home, I did just that. Jeran thought it was pretty hilarious to pee into an empty McDonalds' sundae cup (none of you will now look at ice cream the same again) although we both started getting nervous when the cup reached it's almost-full point before he tapered off. Breathing a sigh of relief that that issue was taken care of, I turned my attention to a completely red-faced, screaming infant. Now the only child not having his needs attended to was Ben. Did I mention I ventured out on this trip unprepared? For my child whose love for food very nearly rivals my own, I had nothing to offer, so to keep him happy I (again, at the suggestion of my brilliant hubby) released him from his car seat so he could happily wander the full 3 feet of space that our van offers as a walking area. After about 15 minutes I cut off Grayson's feeding session, thinking that it should be sufficient to get us home, buckled everyone back into their seats, got rid of the offensive McDonalds' cup, and turned toward home. A fat lot of good that side trip did me. As soon as we pulled onto the parking lot...er, expressway I mean...everyone started melting down again. What could I do except pray hard, block out as much of the noise as I could, and steel myself for a nightmarish trip home. In fairly short order everyone settled down and after James directed me to some safe backroads to get me home, we arrived back home a mere 3 1/2 hours after we had left it. It goes without saying that I have learned from this experience (for one thing always ALWAYS always carry snacks and a complete map!). I also feel that my first trial by fire as a mom of 3 kids is behind me. I survived it. I will survive what's to come. And Mom, to you I say, quit beating yourself up about this whole incident! But if you MUST assuage any feelings of guilt you should know I am a big fan of drinks that include both caffeine and chocolate. :-) Kidding. SERIOUSLY stop feeling bad.

Adjusting OR Would the person who coined the phrase "This too shall pass" please stuff it....

Yeah, did I say in the previous post it might take one to three days to get out an update? I meant one to three WEEKS. Adjusting to 3 kids (not to mention adjusting again to a newborn) has been pretty much as challenging as I anticipated. Which I guess is a positive because then I wasn't blindsided Survivor-style or anything. However, it can be difficult to keep perspective at 5 a.m. when you've been awake for 2 1/2 hours. It may go without saying after that comment that Grayson is not into sleeping. Not unusual for a baby, I realize. He has many, many periods throughout the day and night when he is completely awake and fighting off his need to snooze. Last night it happened to be from 2:30 - 5 a.m. Blech. Even as I type he's lying here on my lap completely alert and, honestly, a bit fussy, which also isn't unusual. He seems, also not shockingly, most comfortable when being held. We're trying to figure out if gas issues are the culprit to his frequent desire to party, but it's so hard to know with such a new person. Aside from not sleeping, his other current claim to fame is his appetite. It is not uncommon for him to be rooting voraciously after only an hour has passed from his previous nursing marathon. I worry that he's not getting enough, but at his two week dr. visit last week he weighed in at 8lbs. 9 oz., and his going home weight was 7lbs. 15oz., so I know he's putting on weight. Plus, his system is quite clearly in functioning order as he has a (not-so) little baby bowel movement with every single feeding. Still...is it normal for a child to need to eat every HOUR?! I never had that with the other boys so this is new territory. I keep reminding myself every child is different...which is a cruel, cruel joke, I must say. I feel like I've earned my stripes, so to speak, figuring out two other kids. Why can't the third just take after one of them? Anyway...it's a good thing that he's so darn cute. This helps in those not-quite-lucid moments when I'm tempted to hand him off to the highest bidder.
Speaking of the other boys, they have adjusted incredibly well to this new guy and his needs. For Jeran it was pretty much "same ol" since he already had to adjust to Ben coming along and rocking his world. I was more concerned for how Ben would take having to be the big brother with his needs taking a back seat to a baby. Luckily he maintains his laid back personality and loves his baby brother. He says "baby" and gives kisses like he's always been the big brother and wasn't bumped to that position just 3 short weeks ago.
James and I are still trying to catch our breath after suddenly becoming outnumbered. He has been a champion of a dad (as he always is, I must note) and taken on even more duties than normal in this postpartum world that has become our life. He was home almost all day every day the first week we came home, only going into work for an hour or two in the afternoon while the boys rested. Last week he was back to work half days, and his sister, Rachel, came to stay with us. She was A-MAZ-ING. I always knew she was a natural with kids, but I was still impressed at how great she was with the boys and just knew exactly how to help. Thank you, Rach! Thursday afternoon we left for Michigan as James and Jeran were involved in my cousin's wedding on Friday. Ben got to spend a lot of time with Grandpa and Grandma Louwerse over those few days, and it was great to be with family and introduce everyone to Grayson. My mom is here with us now until Thursday, and what an incredible blessing she is! It's such a relief to have her here not only to help with the boys but also to know that she understands when I'm walking around zombie-style, being the world's worst conversationalist because it takes up all my brain cells to shower and remember to put nursing pads in my bra so I don't leak all over the place.
So my goals right now are taking one hour at a time, sleeping when I can, and not stressing over the fact that I don't have son #3 figured out in his third week of life. Low expectations is the name of the game. That way, when I manage to get out of the house or just get a load of laundry done (or turn out a mostly coherent blog post) I feel pretty darn successful.