Whole 30 - Days 5 and 6

Before I collapse into a heap on the floor, let me recap days 5 and 6, shall I? Yesterday morning found me nearly as tired as when I went to bed the night before, so that was kind of a bummer. I also experienced a meltdown of sorts this same morning wherein my husband found me crouched in front of the open refrigerator with my head in my hands. This mini-meltdown preceded the nuclear one I had this evening when my children found me in the chair in my bedroom with my head in my hands, sobbing and announcing what an utter failure I am in life.
Mmmmmkay. Not dramatic AT ALL.
My entire life feels ginormously over-large right now. Too overwhelming to handle. I am oh so tired.  And also, quite tired of seeing my kitchen. This seemingly endless cycle of chop-cook-wash is threatening to do me in (admittedly, this is not helped by the fact that I spent as LITTLE time as possible in there previously). And yet...I know this is all part of the process.  I have been well-prepared through my reading that this is all very likely to happen as my body detoxes all its junk (the fatigue, the emotions, the snapping at loved ones which I am trying to keep under control), but I have to go back and keep rereading that chapter just to make sure I'm not totally crazy.
Speaking of crazy.  My cravings have reached epic proportions.  At lunch time today, this, of all things, was calling my name in a very seductive and hard-to-resist voice:

I mean.

It's a CORN DOG.

Which, let's not deny they are delicious in their own way. But the desire I had to down this thing was just wrong. Particularly since it had already been torn apart by four-year-old teeth.

So I guess you could say that things could be better. But I'm pushing through. I'm confident it will be worth it in the end (which is what I keep chanting to myself in the hard moments).

Day 5

Breakfast:

After the previously mentioned meltdown, my husband sent me off to take a shower and pull myself together, and when I emerged a little more sane, he had this waiting for me:



Believe me, I do know how good I have it.

This deliciousness is ground meat, asparagus, and red bell pepper. And I really did not miss the cheese as much as I thought I would.

Lunch:

OH, lunch (aka Sunday dinner). There's not enough I can say about how good this meal was. For pete's sake, it included gravy.  GA-RAVAY. We used this recipe and anything in a slow cooker, especially if it comes out this good? is a hands-down winner in my book. And I've never had a more delicious gravy in my life. The sweet potato mash and green beans were great compliments. (But have I mentioned the gravy?)

Dinner:

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

(But no margaritas for this girl - sad face.)

I concocted a little taco salad using ground beef (seasoned with this taco seasoning recipe), lettuce, tomatoes, a red and green bell pepper/jalapeno mix, cilantro, and the Avocado dressing found in the book. Ole! (I cannot lie - I really missed my tortillas.)  We served this with roasted cauliflower. Which is not very Cinco de Mayo-y. Oh well.

Day 6

Breakfast:

Went with the old standby: sweet potato hash with a poached egg and a spinach/mushroom saute.

Lunch:

Leftovers from Friday night, this time with the avocado dressing. MUCH better.

Dinner:

Classic Chicken soup and a salad topped with a viniagrette (both recipes found in (where else?) the book).

DELISH.

Now I'm off to collapse. And saying a prayer that tomorrow starts the upswing of things.





Whole 30 - Days 3 & 4

Hoo, boy. The cravings have reared their ugly heads. It started out with potato chips and of course, lo and behold, as I pulled up to Walgreens, this was staring at me through the gigantic wall of glass.

Evil.
I've also been jonesing for ice cream (and behold - Dairy Queen is a block from my house.  Also evil). And then Aurelio's Pizza, which is, thankfully, not in the vicinity.
I was all sailing along on days 1 and 2 thinking what a fun adventure this was.  Now I feel a little resentful watching my hubs down that Coke (hey, at least it's not in my fridge anymore), and I caught myself narrowing my eyes at my boys as they were eating pizza tonight. I still fight myself not to mindlessly pick up their leftovers and scarf 'em down.
It Starts with Food outlines what to expect from week to week (and sometimes day to day) while on the Whole 30 and around day 2 or 3 you can expect to start suffering from something called the "carb flu".  As your body goes through "withdrawal" from sugar and the energy that it can so quickly bring you can experience a hangover-type feeling.  I wouldn't go quite that far (but then, I've had some nasty hangovers in my day.  Sorry Mom). But yesterday and today I hit a WALL around 5:00. Absolutely exhausted. And tonight I do have a bit of the headache that they say can show up. So that's not so fun. Definitely dragging a tiny bit through these days. However, I still feel 100% motivated and SO GLAD I am doing this.  And, honestly, pretty amazed.  That I, the junk food queen, am eating this way.  And enjoying it! Seriously.  If I can do it, ANY.ONE can. For reals.
So what've my eats been?

Day 3
Breakfast:
Repeat of days 1 and 2.  I still really enjoy it (which is shocking because I'm such a sucker for variety), but I am ready to try somthing new.

Lunch:

 I discovered this day that roasting asparagus is hard.  Or should I say easy...to overcook. I mean, look at my first batch...

What a sad little group of asparagi, may they rest in peace. My final crew (in the photo above) looks much healthier but were still a little on the chewy, as opposed to crisp, side. Live and learn. Twice baked sweet potatoes with turkey...still delish.

 

 

Dinner:

 



The recipe here created these tasty lettuce wraps (and tacos for the rest of my family), though I tweaked it to use chicken breasts rather than a whole bird.  While these had great flavor, it was kinda killing me not to have a sauce.  I LOOOOVE my condiments. Of course, the next day I remembered a section in the It Starts book with sauces, and there is a Dreamy Avocado Dressing that IS going on these leftovers tomorrow! The wraps were joined by a zucchini-red bell pepper-mushroom roasted medley.  

Day 4

Breakfast:

The main egg recipes found in the book are for variations on frittatas. I realized while rushing around yesterday morning that we do not have a pan that can also go in the oven, so I improvised and did mini-frittatas in cupcake tins. I threw in spinach, onion, and mushroom. My two younger boys had their Opening Day baseball parade, at which we needed to arrive at 8:15a.m., so this photo is taken while being eaten in my van on the way. :) 

Lunch:
Lunch was leftover mushroom-roasted cauliflower- chicken soup which reheated nicely and was joined by a side of kale chips, which were great for some crunch.

Dinner:

Dinner was, hands down, my favorite part of the day (well, that and watching little people play tball, which brought me a lot of joy and laughter). James made us salmon cakes topped with homemade tartar sauce, both recipes found in the book.  Oh. my. word. They were phenomenal and will be making a regular rotation here.  I hope. We had some roasted brussels sprouts on the side (yep, we are fans of the brussels around here).

 

We also tried making these delicious gems before dinner. As I suspected (though I did not heed these suspicions) lime and egg is just too weird a combination.  I'm definitely trying these again, minus the lime and with extra hot sauce.  This will no doubt make them fabulous.

 



Whole 30 - Days 1 & 2

I could probably add up on one hand the number of times I ate spinach in a month previous to this venture.  This week I've eaten it three times in two days.  And loved every bite.  Spinach gets a bad rap as far as I'm concerned.
So what have I been eating besides spinach?  And am I ready to sell my firstborn for a processed carb yet?  The answers to these and other burning questions are on the way.
So first, the blah-blah on revelations I've had in the past 48 hours:

- Cooking takes time. The food prep. Oh, the food prep. Yesterday was an intense day of cooking, particularly considering that I'm usually too lazy during the day even to pour myself a bowl of cereal. My hubs was a big help the night before my big start, but I still tackled a significant amount on my own yesterday afternoon.  Pretty much my day yesterday can be summed up by 1) cooking and 2) washing dishes. Probably I bit off a little more than I could chew for week 1. But I wanted yummy recipes, o-kay?? Seriously, though, I have given so little time to food in my daily life leading up to this point (aside from waiting in a drive-thru line), so it's definitely an adjustment committing time each day (mutiple times a day) to making myself something yummy and healthy and then sitting down to enjoy it. The program encourages eating undistracted (and clearly these authors were not parents at the time they published). So no t.v., computer, etc. A huge part of my eating time pre-Whole30 was spent watching a show, checking Facebook, even working sometimes. Now I sit down and chew and swallow, chew and swallow. And think a little too.  I'll admit I've felt a little antsy.  I'm not used to just focusing on FOOD.  I'm starting to wonder if I ever even really knew what food tasted like before because I was paying zero attention to it.
- There's almost nothing that I miss so far. I have felt extremely satisfied throughout the day. The evenings are the hardest because these were the times I'd really pig out.  On pretty crappy stuff. Last night I had a cup of tea to try to soothe away the cravings. Tonight I am blogging. Writing is now, apparently, my soft-pretzel-and-cheese substitute. You're welcome.
- I think the reason I've loathed cooking so is that it takes TIME.  And I'm always thinking of all these OTHER THINGS I could be doing with my TIME. Now I'm starting to think that there are a lot of other things that are not as important as taking care of my body and mind.  It's making me rethink some other things that I don't spend enough time with - like my Bible and my kids. The Whole30 team encourages (strongly) that you set out goals for yourself before beginning the program.  The goals don't even necessarily have to be just about food. My goals are to
1) Eat lunch five times a week with no distraction. Just me and good, healthy food (and probably some kids screwing around in the background somewhere, occasionally popping up to filch a bite**).
2) Get 7 hours of sleep per night. 
3) Develop more consistent spiritual rhythms in my life (ie: solitude and silence, reading Scripture, praying); at least five days a week.
- It's amazing how much mindless eating and drinking I have been doing previous to yesterday.  I almost turned into Dunkin Donuts yesterday for my iced coffee.  Iced coffee that I wasn't really even craving and certainly don't need, but that's how I do. If I'm out and about I pull in somewhere. Serving my boys lunch I almost delved into the potato chips, even though I didn't really have a hankering for any. I do that a lot, I realize.  Eat and drink stuff just because it's there. (Like the fizzy, delicious, beautiful Coke that is sitting in my fridge which I almost reached for yesterday.  WHY is there COKE in my fridge?!  Wah.)

Ok, on to the fun stuff.  The food.
Day 1 ~
Breakfast:

Meh. My pictures are not that great. And my table is kinda ugly, so I'm using placemats as my background. ;)

Yesterday's breakfast (and today's actually) consisted of sweet potato hash (recipe found in the book It Starts with Food), an egg (which I tried to make over-easy but failed; today my hubby poached me one - much better), and a spinach and mushroom saute. SOOOO tasty and good! The authors of the Whole 30 encourage you to change your meal labels from breakfast, lunch, and dinner to Meal 1, Meal 2, and Meal 3. That way it seems less awkward to be eating, say, venison for breakfast (which I was) as opposed to bacon or sausage.

**Side note: each of my kids actually did filch a bite of all this.  And exclaimed repeatedly over its goodness. There's hope for my family yet!

 

Lunch ~

For lunch, twice baked sweet potates and turkey, as found here,

And some roasted cauliflower. Let me just say that cauliflower drizzled with coconut oil, sprinkled with sea salt, and roasted is DI-VINE.  Another picked-on veggie that turned its life around.

 

Dinner ~

This deliciousness is also from the It Starts book - Italian-style chicken. We sauteed some green beans (and there's that spinach again!) to go with. My main man joined me in eating this meal and was very impressed. If I could just get him to eat breakfast and lunch I bet he'd totally be on board with this thing.

 

Day 2

Breakfast ~ (see Day 1)

 

Lunch ~

 



I was VERY excited to try this recipe because I really love mushrooms. I would say that I was not totally thrilled with the addition of coconut oil here.  It was a bit overpowering.  I think the next batch I will substitute olive oil.

Roasted zucchini and carrots on the side.  Very yum except that I let my zucchini get a little soggy. Bummer dude.

 

Dinner ~

 

Dinner was leftovers from last night.  Exciting stuff, right?  I devoted my day today to whipping my trashed house back into shape and slacked off on making anything new. But tomorrow's another day!

 

 

So far I am loving the Whole 30 adventure. I can't wait to see and feel some results, but just knowing that I am doing something so good for myself keeps me motivated. And for now, that's enough. 





Ch-ch-changes

(Anyone else humming a little David Bowie now?)
I wrote two posts ago about feeling kind of dried up. Out of words. Unable to express what's going on in life and mind. I feel like God is doing kind of a clean-up process on me in a lot of ways: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. I believe he wants me to simplify and surrender. This has been a running theme for me for awhile.  To that end I have been led to several books: 1,000 Gifts, Organized Simplicity, Get Healthy for Heaven's Sake, and It Starts with Food. We've done another tv fast to try and purge some screen-addiction. And it's SPRING!  The time for rebirth.  So all of these things lead me to this post.
One area I've always struggled with and have talked about here several times is my relationship with food. I am not overweight.  This by no means implies that I am HEALTHY.  I've tried many times to reset my body and brain when it comes to food, to no avail. In the past year, I've been led countless times to reading/viewing material and people who have brought up the subject of processed foods in our lives and what they do to our bodies, and a couple months ago found this website via Pinterest, which led me to purchase the book It Starts with Food. All of the information in it resonates with me and is something that has been supported by what I've been finding in other places too. It also lines up with my philosophy that food is God-created to fuel us and give us enjoyment, but it's another thing broken by sin, so we humans have just distorted the crap out of it.  Rather, we've distorted the crap IN.
After reading It Starts (the book that birthed the Whole30 program and website referenced above) I have felt strongly led to follow its program for myself to try and restore the relationship with food that I believe God intended for me from the beginning. Basically, it's all about coming back to completely whole and natural food.  The book and website are chocked full of not only scientific data about what various foods do to our bodies but also testimonials about how this program has eliminated health issues from people's lives while bringing renewed energy and strength.  Any "program", as I've perhaps falsely labeled it, leaves me a little wary.  Don't we hear conflicting evidence every day about what does or doesn't bring us health?  But as I said, this information seems to be supported multiple other places and also sits well with me just on a common-sense level.  Ok, whatevs - I sound like a salesman here.
Starting tomorrow I will be embarking on the Whole 30 journey, to the end (I hope) that my body and mind will be restored back to health (if I've ever truly been healthy) where food is concerned.  It's not going to be easy by any means.  For 30 days, I am asked to forego all sugars/sweeteners, grains and legumes (I know - legumes?!), dairy, processed foods, unhealthy fats, and alcohol.  If I had read that list even two months ago I would have laughed maniacally and thrown this book in the trash. But, I don't know how to explain it except for I'm ready for this.  I need this. And I'm actually (gulp) pretty excited about it. 
I am going to try and chronicle my journey here for my own sake, really.  Seeing as how I process things mostly through the written word, it only makes sense. Plus, maybe it provides me with a little accountability (from my one-two readers left out there :)  ).
Here's to the journey.  Cheers (that would be me toasting you with my last glass of wine.  For 30 days anyway).

Epic (failures of) Moments in Mom History

Every so often (at least weekly), I create a forehead-smacking moment that for weeks to come will have me pondering what-in-the-name-of-all-that-is-good-and-decent I was thinking. This morning was one such moment.
I tend to have a penchant for procrastinating. It doesn't usually end well when I choose this route, but because 35 years of experience mean, apparently, nothing, I pushed it again this week and left something for the very last minute. Thus my trip to Target this morning. With all three boys. 45 minutes before the start of school. (smacks forehead)
After a morning of pushing, prodding, and cajoling the crew through the school readiness routine of breakfast, clothing, teeth brushing, etc. I drove down newly-snow-covered-then-plowed streets, all the while doling out multiple warnings of how quickly we needed to accomplish this task and if certain somebodies did not want consequences or to be late for school then we'd all better move it. We made it to the actual store and through the parking lot virtually without incident (VIRTUALLY, I say) though as soon as we made it into the store there were, of course, bathroom needs. Commence grinding of teeth and deep breathing and repeats of aforementioned threats.
The first 30 seconds of actual shopping went well until Jeran was pulled, almost as if by tractor beam, to the Lego aisle. My blood pressure rose a few notches as I forcefully reminded him that we were IN A HURRY and DID NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS.  "Yep, ok Mom, I know," he replied as he sidled over to the Star Wars display.  I told him I was moving on and promptly did so, moving a little further across the store, then of course returning to threaten (a little more loudly this time), then moving on again. In pretty short order I had the few items I'd come for and stood waiting at the end of the toy section, tapping my foot and making loud, dramatic sighing noises (for whose benefit, I have no idea, since Jeran was much too engrossed to be appropriately motivated by them, as I'm SURE he would have been had he been within earshot).
This is the moment when things truly went downhill.  I muttered something inspiring like, "That. is. IT", grabbed hold of the cart and proceeded to fly at top speed back toward my oldest child. It was a bit of an out-of-body experience as I watched myself rampaging down the aisle. Thinking back, I believe I must have looked much akin to the Wicked Witch of the West except with shopping cart as opposed to broom, and a bright red face instead of a green one.  But picture the same cruel intent in the eyes. I then listened to myself very loudly reprimand my child for how late he was making us, pounding my fist into my palm to enforce my point. Something in the back of my mind told me to take it easy, take a breath, take a MOMENT for pete's sake, particularly as I realized that there were several store employees around who were witnessing this whole debacle. But I just couldn't stop myself.  And this dude was not getting the message.
On to plan B.  I marched my irate self up to Guest Services and asked a most pleasant (and unsuspecting of how soon she was to be dragged into my mess) employee if she could please make an announcement for me over the store intercom. Surely if Jeran heard himself very publicly called to the front of the store it would get him moving. Pleasant Employee informed me they no longer had the ability to do such a thing, and I just launched, shamefully, right into manipulation mode.
"Well, I don't know where my child is."
This big fat lie of a statement, of course, soon sparked a domino effect of employee handset activity as the word went out about my wandering child. Who I was pretty sure was right where I had left him. Finally starting to realize that I had probably carried this a bit too far (and that any employee within 100 feet of the Lego aisle would know about my multiple encounters there with my child), I quickly went back to collect him, sheepishly showed the Guest Services employee that I did, indeed, have him back in my possession and with much more muttering and exasperated utterances, checked out and departed.

Why do I recount this story? I guess it's mainly because of the power words have for me as I strive to process. And the shame and regret and humiliation that hit me like a Mack truck the second we were all back in the car MUST, I feel, be put into words in order for me to move past them. While I have certainly had experiences when I've left a public place feeling that my children's behavior will most likely mark us as banned from the premises, this time it is only me who should probably avoid showing my face there again. My kids really were not ill-behaved in this situation.  Nope, that was AAALLLL me.

It's all left me very embarrassed and aware of the need for change. I have become the mom I used to feel some embarrassment for when I'd see her out in public, yelling at her children and making empty threats and in general just seeming very desperate and unglued.
It all went wrong the second I made the decision to put off until tomorrow what could have been done today (multiple times, no less).  But it goes beyond that. So many lessons have come out of this for me:

• I went into this situation EXPECTING the very worst of my children. My constant warnings and threats basically told them I think they're too naughty and too dumb to respond to me any other way. I think I do this often.
• I am in way too darn much of a hurry in my life. Everything is urgent and immediate and must be done on my time table.
• I have an anger issue.  In this case,  if I had just taken a freaking breath and given my son (whose obsession with Legos is both legendary and a force beyond his control) three minutes to look them over we probably could have avoided the whole scene and been out of there sooner.

All of these played into this morning's mess. And none of them are news to me. But I was humbled (yes, and humiliated) in a new way this morning and am challenged to rethink my response to life in general. I believe that God wants to use what He allowed me to see in myself this morning to further me on my journey with Him. I believe He needs me to chill the heck out and think about what my actions are teaching my children and telling the world-at-large about who I am. How can I tell my boys to be patient when I am constantly hurrying them along at my pace? How can I teach them about grace when I am flying off the handle at any inconvenience? How can I expect them to be kind when I point out their flaws, however inadvertently?
My thoughts on this can't really be wrapped up all nice and neat.  It's a process, both mothering and growing as a person. So the journey continues...

All Dried Up

Many Two of you expressed despair mild disappointment over the fact that your Christmas greeting from our home did not include the usual family update. Honestly, I felt I had nothing to say.This year was uneventful, it seems, and in many ways I feel like we're exactly where we were a year ago.  For many reasons this disappoints me.  I had high hopes of a year filled with growth and maybe a little bit of change. But here we are. The same things about myself that frustrated me then, frustrate me now. Vices from years past plague me still. We reside in our tiny house in our mid-sized suburb. It's a whiny, complain-y way to start off 2013, no? I wish I could look back and say I just sucked the life out of 2012.  That was my intention anyway. But I keep getting all caught up in my head, wondering what's God doing?  What does he have in store? And vascillating between waiting for life to start and pleading with it to slow down.
See why I haven't been blogging lately?  Who wants to listen to this?
In the past couple of years, I've been trying to focus my growth in the area of a word with which I feel God supplies me.  The past couple of years it has been surrender.  Again, I wish I could speak to great growth in this area.  It's slow in coming. This year I think God has a couple of things He wants to teach me and our entire family, for that matter.  The first is:
-wait. While I do some whining about how small our house feels and about the fact that life seems to be in a holding pattern (thus, no Christmas update), I sense God asking us to just be patient and stay put. He has us exactly where we are for a reason.
I have also felt a strong pull to the words gratitude and contentment. Because I think a lot of my struggle has to do with not being these things. This especially came to my attention during the most recent Christmas season when, despite my best efforts, I found myself all caught up in the consumeristic b.s. that tends to overshadow the true meaning of the time.
I don't know what 2013 will hold.  But I am entering into it, despite the disappointment of what last year was or wasn't,  with a great sense of hope and peace. That whatever comes our way, whether earth-shattering and new, or steeped in sameness, whether full of life or seemingly dull and dried up (even if that's just my words), God is in it.

Falling Forward

This is the amazing thing about writing, about words. When someone can say what's so exactly filling your heart and your mind.
Like this.