Case in point....

So here I sit watching "Wife Swap" (I know, it's a new low for me) while grading papers. What's interesting is, the two families tonight are on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum on the topic of working/discipline, etc. which I'm sure is a purposeful set-up by the producers. Both are too extreme in my opinion but anyway..... a comment made by the skate-shop-owning, liberal, my-kid-doesn't-need-rules mom was, "I just don't think work ethic is that important." Egads!!!! What kind of person are you going to be sending out into the world, lady? I hope she's not my server in a restaurant/mechanic on my car/surgeon on my child. This sums up some of what I see in the up and coming generation.
On the flip side, the other family is raising up tightly-wound little time bombs that could rebel at any moment. However, I agree with their self-titled "benevolent dictator" when she quips, "I don't think picking up your room is soul-destroying." LOL

Harrumph...Kids today

Yes, we chuckle and attribute the above phrase to the "older generation". But let me tell you, I have found myself thinking and saying it in a number of different ways over the past several months. This week I had a very freeing thought while at school: "I am NOT cut out for this line of work." I'm just not. At least not right now. I am SO discouraged as I look around me each day. In the intricate environment that is school, I see an infinite number of students who are apathetic, cruel, unable to focus, easily bored, irresponsible, disrespectful. It is truly an epidemic. The class I have this year is beyond challenging and it looks like the next two classes coming up are not much more positive. Now, this is not to say that all of my students exhibit these characteristics. That's far from the truth. But I feel like the negative attitudes are outweighing the positive and it just gets me down. Now, why was admitting to myself that I'm not cut out for this so freeing? I'm not sure, except that perhaps it allows for the possibility that the problem is me and not them. Maybe I am just not the teacher to get through to them and inspire them to make a change. Maybe it means that there is still hope for them, and the burden of responsibility does not rest solely on me this year to break through the apathy. Because I feel like my bag of tricks is empty and my energy depleted and that's hard to face. But knowing that I'm at a time in my life when I just don't have enough to give also frees me by knowing I have made the right choice not to return next year. I have the opportunity to focus on my own children and raise them to be the respectful, honoring, responsible individuals that are seemingly so lacking today. I have the chance to monitor their activities and help guide their choices and instruct them within the context of our faith. Maybe that's what gets me during my days of teaching. I don't have much sway in the lives of my students. Certainly I am an influence, but I cannot work against what has been reinforced in the first 10 years of my kids' lives. And God has not really put that responsibility on me. I don't mean to say, either, that my children will turn out perfectly or that my way is best. But I pray that I am able to pass onto them values that were modeled for me in my home that seem to be passing away too quickly in today's world with all of culture's influences. I don't know. I just feel jaded these days. It's difficult for me to feel that way and probably skews my true view on things.

Rollin' on

Life continues to roll on here in the Louwerse household. I'm happy to report that sleep has once again found its way into our home in regular and rather long increments. Phew. I have 4 weeks of school left and feel very bittersweet about that whole situation. On the one hand I have total peace about not returning to teaching next year. It will be an incredible blessing to be able to devote most of my time, once again, to all of my boys and the daily tasks of caring for our family. I'll probably do some tutoring, working for a friend of mine who used to work with me at Timothy. After Jeran was born I worked part time for her and it was a great gig. It will be great to keep my hands in the teaching realm a bit too. On the other hand, however, Timothy has been an incredible place to work the past 7 years. I will miss my colleagues immensely and will miss being a part of all the exciting growth and changes that are taking place there. But I know that the work load is just too much for me to do it well, not to mention also caring for my family well. So I look ahead excitedly to what awaits us after June 4. James and I will also be finished with all of the church ministries that we're currently involved with after May and have decided to take a big break from our involvement there too as far as all that goes. Who knows? Maybe with all this new-found time on our hands we won't know what to do with ourselves!! Buuuut....I'm sure we'll think of something. All in all, I feel that God has led us to this place of rest, and James and I talk often of the opportunity we will now have to take a step back and reevaluate where God wants to use us and the gifts He has instilled in us.





Switching gears....new things that the boys are up to. Ben has started to explore the wonders of rice cereal, and let's just say he's not totally buying it. He always eats with a manner that says, "Yeah, all right, I'll humor you here, but I'm not guaranteeing that anything you put in is necessarily staying in."

Jeran has been LOVING the great turn in the weather and has been a sports nut, especially zeroing in on soccer and basketball.

So....that's life with us right now. Feliz Cinco de Mayo!