Political Hoo-ha: in other words blah blah blah

I have kept quite mum about politics throughout the entire campaigning season, so I beg you, now that I am "coming out" with my baggage after the votes have been tallied, do not take this as me being a sore loser. Yes, that's right, I was a McCain/Palin supporter. There, it's out. But the following sentences/paragraphs/[hopefully not] pages really, truly do not reflect my personal feelings on the election outcome. I can see the draw to Obama. He is an amazing speaker and an inspirational individual. And we CERTAINLY need those people in the world who inspire change. But see, that's where I get hung up. "Change" was the crux of his campaign, and it's gotten people all hopped up and ecstatic like they're on some sort of acid-induced high. There's nothing wrong with that in and of itself...I don't think. But I am troubled, first of all, by the position to which so many millions of people have elevated this human, fallible man that should only be occupied by God - that of a savior. I feel that, starting especially with the Democratic National Convention, people were crazed with worship for him. And, quite honestly, though on a somewhat smaller scale, this came about for McCain and (perhaps moreso) Palin as well. True and lasting change, on many levels, is what we all desire, no doubt about that. But, I'm sorry, it's not going to come through a senator from Illinois. OR Arizona for that matter. In the end, we will no doubt be impressed and reassured by some of President-elect Obama's decisions, and sorely disappointed by many others. We're human. We let each other down. But I don't feel that most, if not all, Obama supporters leave any room for this possibility. He is savior, as I said.
Let's go back to that term "change". The second issue I am troubled by is that I get the sense the majority (clearly) of the U.S. is ecstatic and relieved that Obama will become our president in January, but I also get the sense that they're sitting back, waiting and watching for that change they can believe in to happen. Like, "Ok, dude, go for it. Deliver." Ummmmm...one man trying to lead a crippled government is not going to come through on that, folks. Do we truly realize that authentic change begins with us on an individual level? For example, the economy has fallen into a mass of smoking rubble. But what about you? What about ME? Am I or have I lived my life too reliant on credit so I can have things that I really can't afford? Am I living beyond my means? Where is my treasure? The government, banks, and companies didn't do this all on their own. It starts with our decisions on an individual level. How about the environment and fuel crisis? Sure, there are major steps needed to fix the problems, but what am I doing to be a responsible steward and heal/conserve what's left? WHat about war? Am I praying for peace and enacting it in my own life?
Now, to be fair, perhaps a significant contribution that Obama will make during his presidency is to not just be an inspirational speaker but inspire people to ACT. That would most certainly be a step in the right direction. Time will tell...
In the meantime, we must support our leaders, including the new president-elect, and we definitely need to be in prayer for him. But I would caution each of us to leave the fulfillment of the "God" role to....well...God.

Another observation

Here's another observation I've made about my new job which I think explains that, while I am so thankful to be at home, I'm having a hard time adjusting/finding balance, etc. This is a 24/7 job. I didn't hear anyone gasping in shock and realization. It's not really an amazing new fact to me either, but I just never really thought about how taxing of a thing that is until recent days. You don't ever get a break (which is not an entirely fair thing to say since James is a very hands-on dad and so helpful when he's home. But the fact remains, when I'm at home too I'm still dealing with it to some degree - day and night). It's stressful in a different way than when I was teaching and being a mom. Then at least I had some variety and was able to transition from one thing to the other. The stress came from trying to accomplish all of the various tasks in a timely matter - caring for kids and their needs both at home and school. And believe me, I don't miss that kind of stress. Now the stress comes from never transitioning but always being the mom. And I don't hate that - I don't want to gripe and give the impression that I don't love my kids or don't appreciate the blessings they bring to my life. I guess I'm just still getting used to this new role and the fact that it's CONSTANT. It's new for me. Except for a few months here and there, I've never been just a full time mom in the three-and-a-half years that I've had kids. And when teaching things were always in flux - there was always some sort of new thing going on. I guess I just need to look a little harder to see that happening in my life. Or work a little harder to add that variety myself. I don't know if I'm even making any sense. Just venting here...
More to come on our Michigan weekend, especially Halloween, when I can get home and upload some pics.

Work and Play

Full time parenthood has brought to light a harsh realization for me. I no longer know how to play. It's just not second nature the way I last remember it being. I cringe enormously to admit this, but when I hear Jeran say to me, "Wanna play with me, Mom?" my heart kind of sinks. And this makes me feel like an absolutely horrendous parent. I find that I struggle to keep building train tracks and making up adventures for Thomas and Percy to have upon them. I don't seem to be able to muster up the energy for hide and seek (such as it is with Jeran; it usually consists of him telling me exactly where to hide and then counting to 10 WHILE he comes looking). Building zoos and parking lots out of blocks lost its luster after the completion of the first construction project. I don't feel like I am capable of finding new ways to engage and entertain my boys either. Not that the goal of every day for me should be to entertain them; I want them to be able to do that on their own too. But I don't think it's right that NO part of my day is devoted to that either. Is it possible all of my zest for fun as well as creativity was sucked out during my seven years of teaching? Has adulthood inundated my personality to such a degree that I can't find joy in spending time with my son in the ways that he loves? I keep reminding myself that in the blink of an eye he will be in high school, and (Lord forbid) the last person he will probably want to spend time with is me. You'd think that would light a little fire under me, wouldn't you?
My basic problem is I am having a hard time finding balance. I see all of the things that must be done (keeping us fed), should be done (cleaning the house), and that I want to be done (reading, blogging, playing) and I get the priority all mixed up. Yesterday I was cleaning the house, packing for Michigan, finishing laundry... all shoulds, for the most part. And when Jeran would ask to play I would brush him aside, convincing myself that everything I was doing at the moment was a must. The problem is, everyday what I want becomes the must. I can't seem to find it within myself to slow down and look at what's truly important. Shouldn't spending time with my boys be a must? Cleaning the house a "want to"? (riiiiiight) As my own boss now it's difficult to prioritize and execute the tasks in my and my family's life. And I'm starting to suffer huge amounts of guilt while mentally berating myself, yet I can't seem to find the willpower to change.
I know that the biggest priority in my life suffers the most - the amount of time I spend with the Lord on a daily basis. It's obvious when I step back and look at it. Of course my priorities would be in a shambles when I don't have first things in order first. Sigh. And the rollercoaster continues...

News

Oh my - what an embarrassingly delayed update of Louwerse life. What few readers we had have probably moved on to greener pastures of reading material.

The boys and I continue to enjoy life at home. Everyday, I still thank God for this opportunity our family has for a less hectic pace of life, even after days like we've had this week, where it seems our 3 1/2 year old fights us on EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING. Frustrating. I keep telling myself that someday a strong will could be a very good thing for him in this world. But right now it just gives me headaches - multiple ones daily. Anyway... I am still on the lookout for some part time work (no, not in order to get away from the tantrums and fits, although that's a bit of a perk), and in the meantime God fully provides for our needs and gives us many rewarding ways to fill our days.

A big event in our last few weeks was James and Jeran's appearance in a wedding. Our good friends, Steve (who James has known since elementary school) and Cindy, tied the knot, with James as a groomsman and Jeran as ring bearer. Photos of this are or will soon be up on Facebook or sent out through Ofoto, so you can get more of a photo documentary there, but the very short story is that Jeran (well, AND James for that matter - haha) did great through the picture-taking and walking down of the aisle, which were the 2 things we were most concerned about (for Jeran, not James). For the time being, here is a teaser photo of our little studmuffin.

While Ben was not involved in any nuptials recently, he has been busy nevertheless. Within the last week he has sprouted his 6th and 7th teeth, started crawling (army style but with one gimpy leg), and feeding himself finger foods (previously he would just sit with his mouth hanging open, waiting for us to insert his next bite). Another step in this 10-month-old's determination to grow up.

Last week our family had the opportunity for another extended Michigan trip. James is gearing up to take his CFP (Certified Financial Planner) exam in November. It's a biggie. For those of you in the medical field, think boards. To this end, James took a review class for this test at Grand Valley State Univ., which has a campus 3 minutes from my parents' house. The downside to this? Four brutally long days (Wed. - Sat., 8 - 5) of reviewing and practice testing. The upside? He feels it was beneficial, and the alternative here in Chicago would have been a week-long class that included a commute to downtown Chicago each day. We had a wonderful time with family and friends (although we still couldn't quite seem to fit all of you in, and we missed seeing Grandpa and Grandma Louwerse who were gone on a serve trip to Indiana). One of the highlights was a Saturday trip with Nana to Crane's Apple Orchard. We didn't ACTUALLY end up picking any apples, but we braved a wonderful lunch in the restaurant with the 2 boys, watched J.J. have the time of his life on the "Cow Train" and purchased some delicious apples, cider donuts, and dumplings to take home with us.

I suppose we've saved the biggest news for last to report on here. As you've probably already heard we are pregnant for the third (and, most likely, final) time. Although I have a pretty solid working knowledge of how babies are made, I still find myself shocked that this has happened. We've had a couple of months for the news to sink in before we went public with it, but the primary feeling, unfortunately, is still one of being overwhelmed, mostly with the thought that my latter two children will only be 17 months apart. Somehow, one child seemed fair for two parents, two has proven to be a bit of an uneven match, so I can't imagine what 3 is going to feel like. However, I can say that after my first doctor appointment this past Monday and having the opportunity to hear the baby's heartbeat, I find myself at a slightly greater degree of peace about the whole situation. I have also received much encouragement from family and friends, so thanks you guys. We know that it takes a village to raise a child - so count on us calling you in for back-up.

This pregnancy has been significantly rougher than the previous two. I have been much more nauseous, exhausted (no doubt in part to caring for two busy boys), and emotional, and I have a feeling that once I start feeling normal (which, for those of you who know me well, will find that descriptor relative as well as debatable) I will find myself relishing this pregnancy and looking forward to meeting our third baby. We're not sure yet what will get James to that point, but to his credit he has taken the news far more calmly than me, and has been a real hero in this house the past couple of months. We would be living in starvation and squalor if not for his care of our family.

So, that's our update, a month or so late. As I start to feel more myself I hope to keep up a little better with our happenings.

My man RULES....and other anecdotes about my boys

James truly continues to astound me with his abilities to be handy around the house. To the best of my knowledge, he has not had vast experience (if any) remodeling a bathroom in the past and yet he has redone both of ours in the past year. Not to mention various other household issues he has figured out during our five years here. With that said, I know I can speak for both of us by saying once again how much we are NOT fans of house projects: the time, the expense, the chaos - all of these doubled or tripled by the time you are done. Anyway, the bathroom is complete, as evidenced here:

Ben had his 9 month checkup last Wednesday, and is weighing in at 20lbs. and is measuring 28 3/4 inches long. He took his shots like a champ, as always, but both Jeran and I still aren't fans of watching it happen. Here you can see Daddy helping Ben update his resume:

Benjamin P. Louwerse

Executive in charge of drool production

Proficient in rolling over, sitting up, and giggling

Some experience with solid foods including Cheerios, bananas, and bread products

He's cute as ever and SO BUSY! I realize lately how long it's been since I've had an older baby to entertain. It's always on to the next thing for him, so I'm constantly scrambling to find new toys (or other household objects, i.e. - spoons) to keep him occupied and happily exploring. Lately he'll assume the crawling position, but can't quite coordinate all his body parts to get him places.

Jeran started Little Lambs today, which is a preschool-type program held at a church some of my friends attend. Judging by the amount of nerves I had this morning, you would have thought he was ACTUALLY starting school today. Or entering the military. I'm always anxious about how he'll behave for others, especially when social protocol is required (such as sharing and sitting in one spot for more than 30 seconds). He absolutely loved it and was able to tell me all about the stories he heard, the songs he sang (which he's been going around the house singing bits and pieces of all afternoon), the trains he played with, and the ladybugs he saw that got out of the bucket, apparently. I was also nervous about the whole potty thing since that is a requirement for him to go, and we've still been nailing it down. He admitted to me that he did not, in fact, use the potty during the allotted time, but he was still dry when I came to get him which is a great sign. There were also no other accidents of the OTHER type to speak of, which I was more concerned about. I feel really good about having him in this setting. My personality (which I think is rubbing off on him) is to ease into things, so this seems like a next step toward actual school.

And as for me these days? Still working on a part-time job, ideally in the realm of tutoring, and enjoying taking care of my kids and reading books rather than planning lessons and grading papers. Truly a blessing.

Adventures in haircutting...and beyond

Let's recap the last several days in the life of the Louwerses, shall we? Friday, dawning clear and beautiful (at least I think it did. That was a long time ago.) promised to be a day of fun for the boys and me. We were accomplishing much with our errands and had a lunch with daddy to look forward to. Of course, before we could get to that exciting event, we first had to endure...the haircut. (dum dum DUM - believe me, it warrants the suspenseful music). We go to a place that is especially for kids because I figure they're trained to deal with my haircut-phobic son. We're on -what- haircut #10 of his lifetime at this point, and each time I pump myself up and do a lot of positive self-talk about how this will be the time that it will finally click with Jeran that it does NOT, in fact, hurt him but is actually a pretty darn good time! He gets to watch a Thomas movie while it's happening, for Pete's sake, and cute girls are bribing him with suckers and bubble-blowing. Alas, 10 is not the magic number. There was the usual amount of screaming, squirming, and tears. Generally, if there are other patrons around, I feel that I get the look of sympathy, but this time the other mother in attendance looked at my son in a rather horrified fashion, and because I still have a hard time putting aside what other people think, I grew judgementally angry at her supposed judgement of me. At least the stylist tried to make me feel better by telling me about the kid who clocked her one in the jaw just the other day. As soon as the clippers stopped their buzzing and the cape was removed J.J. was, of course, fine, hair-covered lollipop aside.

Following our lunch with Dad (which is always a treat) and thinking our drama was over for the day, we headed home. About 10 minutes into our 25 minute drive, Jeran suddenly started crying and saying "uh-oh! uh-oh!". Next thing I know he is emptying the contents of his stomach all over his shirt. And this continues...and continues... So I'm desperately trying not to gross out while also calmly finding a spot on the side of the road to pull over. Long story short - I did a quick, crappy roadside clean-up job, got the boys home and tucked into bed for naps, then proceeded to toss the car seat and his clothes into the garbage and wipe up what remained in the car as best I could. I mean, what is with this kid? Carsickness? Lactose intolerance? (There was a lot of dairy at lunch.) It just seems so wierd that 2 weeks in a row he suddenly, with no other symptoms, gets ill like that. Thankfully, it was a one-time deal, but Saturday we laid low anyway, just taking care of details like mowing the lawn (James) and another haircut (me - NOT crazy about it).

Saturday night about 9 p.m. James went to take a look at the bathroom (as he's been doing frequently since he began the dreaded bathroom project - again I say, dum dum DUM!) and noticed more mold growing around the bottom of the bathroom vanity. NOT good. Apparently moisture was trapped under this (very old) vanity and wasn't getting a chance to dry out. So, following some angry outbursts, James proceeded to rip up the vanity and some flooring underneath, and we made a trip to Lowe's the next day for a new bathroom cabinet and sink. Currently, then, the bathroom is looking like:

Seriously, renting or at the very least, townhome ownership, is looking like a really viable option for our future.

I'm happy to say the last two days have been uneventful. After our zoo plans for yesterday got rained upon, we lunched at the train restaurant, and today had a great morning playing with some friends (thanks for a great time, Sal!) and James & Jeran got fitted for tuxes since they'll both be in a wedding in a few weeks. J and I breathed a sigh of relief when Jeran was totally compliant to the measuring process (having his own tape measure and some peanut M&M's along helped probably).

Potty training update: not much to say there. Good days and bad. We're not at a point where Jeran will tell us when he has to go (although that's happened a few times), so it's still just a guessing game, or, rather, a sit on the potty every half hour game.

Home again

After all my bellyaching last week (sorry about that, by the way) the weekend actually turned out really great. Jeran was back to normal on Friday, but we pretty much laid low except for a wonderful dinner with Grandpa and Grandma Louwerse. Saturday, while James fished and the boys hung out with Grandma Louwerse, I was able to join with family to partay in honor of my cousin's first baby (estimated to arrive in early October). It's hard in a way to see my family getting older: grandparents, parents, even cousins - getting married, having babies. I guess because, no matter what, change is just always hard for me. I think I'm just sad, too, that we don't get to see each other very often. Anyway, as usual, I digress. On Saturday evening, Jeran, James, and I got to hang out at the beach for awhile with my brother, after which my parents and Ben joined us for supper. Such a great time, especially since we don't get to see my bro and his wife NEARLY enough (and this time my sis-in-law was galavanting around Guatemala - we missed you, Meliss! I suppose you weren't galavanting so much as...hmmm...what type of gait do you adopt, would you say, when you're working?). Sunday the Louwerse clan was gathered together in Caledonia at Tim and Ruth's, with Uncle Darwin and Aunt Lorraine from Iowa added to the mix. A wonderful time of catching up. Sunday evening we got together with friends we haven't seen since college (going on almost 10 years now?!) at their home - fantastic (both the time spent hanging out AND their home, actually). Monday morning Jeran and I hit the beach again which was really relaxing, and I was grateful to get some one-on-one time with him while James golfed.

Then, of course, we battled the traffic to get home. It was a four-and-a-half hour comedic blend of tag-team crying from the boys, threats directed at three-year-old misbehavior, and muttered curses at the endless construction and traffic (like we don't know better than to expect that by now). All in all, though, a great holiday weekend, and a good end to the summer, as much as we hate to see it come to an end. And the drive home wasn't all bad, as we were graced with this glorious sunset.