Dearest loved ones (because, truly, you must love me if you keep coming back here), I struggle lately with feeling that I have anything worthwhile to say. I could bog you down with tales of how everyday I feel just a little more overwhelmed by my life. I could depress you with the regrets that I wear to bed each evening lately. I could list for you the shows that I become more engrossed with the longer I keep my subscription to Netflix. I could put out there my huge list of "Improvements to Make" or whine about how badly I want a vacation. But none of this seems very grateful or fulfilling. I'm not sure what my deal is lately. I can't seem to get a grip or to live out that word: GRATEFUL. I am. I really am so grateful for the life that I have, for the people in it, for the God who has made it all possible. But I don't feel it these days. I'm not living it. I feel lost and confused. I look around me and see all these people who have direction! focus! a purpose!
(This might be a good time to make a pitch for what I really think I need: a personal assistant/trainer/nutritionist who also has nannying, cooking, and house-cleaning skills. I think that would pretty much take care of my issues. Wouldn't you agree?)
There's not much point to this post other than to have a little pity party. I'll get back on track. Just struggling a bit right now is all. Maybe say a little prayer for me and let me know how you get through these kinds of moments.
3 comments:
Julie! We have all been there! I am sorry you are struggling. Be careful looking around. People LOVE to appear to have it all together. God has given you a huge responsibility to raise three boys (adorable and spunky ones!) :) Be encouraged and allow yourself to be lost and confused. God is at work there. I happen to think you are a very wonderful person and I am grateful we are family. Remember....perfection is out. REAL is in. Thanks Julie, for keeping it real. Saying a prayer for you tonight.
Jill
I very much resonated with this post. I know that almost overwhelming feeling of "what is going on, what am I supposed to be doing, how long are things going to be like this" and my personal fav "okay, what AM I feeling right now?" It is only very recently that I see some direction in my life that lies outside my home. And so speaking from years with no direction:)- I used my home as my purpose. It is always available to me for that use. I try to keep focused by thinking of the happy little family picture at the end of the day and this would drive me to clean up, cook dinner, set a pretty table etc. I know this is a small offering but when I was feeling that way I could see my home as a clear direction and something I could give my family- a comfortable, cozy, warm, loving environment.
I guess I became too long winded for Bloggers taste. Screw blogger, I'm not done;).
I think it is easy for us to lose a sense of purpose when we aren't doing purposeful things. Watching tv is enjoyable, mindless, and very chill. But it also has the ability to keep us glued to it and it becomes harder and harder to get up and get moving. I find that once I start laundry or whatever it is I have more of a spark to go on and do the next thing.
Just know that I'm feeling for you and praying for you. And most importantly you know how amazing I think you are right? AH- mazing.
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