My First Grader

Do not be fooled by the boy's expression. While to me he looks a tad apprehensive in this photo, he felt nothing of the sort on his first day of first grade yesterday. It's true there were many proclamations this summer of, "I just want kindergarten to start over!", and when people would ask him if he was excited to start first grade they got an answer filled with nothing short of dread. But this all changed after I bought his school supplies, and he and his dad delivered them to his classroom earlier this week. Seeing his desk, meeting his teacher, discovering at least one friend was in the mix with him - these all ratcheted up the excitement. He didn't even look back yesterday as he entered the building.

I'm not really surprised by all this. I know my boy. He's like me: new things and change are always scary at first, but once we get warmed up, boy, we are IN! What I am a tad surprised by is my reaction to this whole business, particularly today as he's at his first FULL day of being away from me. He gets to experience all kinds of great new things like eating his lunch in the cafeteria and art class and making new friends. And I want all of those things for him. And, quite frankly, I want this level of peace and quiet for myself. Because there have been ZERO fights this morning (not that that will last forever, I know), and this afternoon I get 2-3 hours of blissful silence. But I still feel kind of lost with JJ gone. It's hard for me not to get to watch him experience all these firsts, only to get a second-hand, less-detailed-than-I'd-like account of his day. I want him to continue to grow. I welcome it. But it's harder than I expected to release him to the world in order to do this.
So I pray. And decide to just be unproductive today, so we can adjust to this new routine. And try not to think about how I'm going to feel in two weeks when Ben starts preschool.