We celebrated what I view as our last official day of summer today. This involved staying in pajamas until about 11:00, playing outside, and a post-nap visit to a splash park. Tomorrow Jeran begins kindergarten which he will be attending every morning at the school just around the corner from us. I underestimated, perhaps naively, the range of emotions it has evoked: excitement, both for him and myself (I love him, but he IS a taxing child); anticipation of all that he will learn this year; joy over the start of his school career; anxiety over how he will fare socially, academically, and emotionally; nervousness about whether he will succeed at sitting/listening/sharing/respecting; panic over the fact that I have no control over what happens in his classroom during the day (my sympathy and understanding to all the helicopter parents out there!) I also have what is probably the typical sense of how time is flying by and worries over whether I have prepared him enough for this step. Sitting in the Curriculum Night spiel last week Thursday and hearing how the kids will be reading by the end of the year, writing sentences, etc., I wondered whether I should have been doing more with him up to this point. But then a very wise friend pointed out that these are the things he will be LEARNING this year, and isn't that what his teacher is there for? True, true. It seems I already am getting caught up in the academic "competition" and wanting my kid to always have a leg up. Not that this idea is wrong or bad, but it's not something for me to be losing sleep over.
This milestone is another lesson for me in surrendering everything over to the Lord. Thinking I have control over anything is an illusion. Even though, yes, I have more direct input in his behavior and that of others in my home, the control rests fully in the Lord's hands either way. Through prayer, my anxiety (and it seems Jeran's as well - there have been some nerves about meeting new people and not knowing what to expect) is being alleviated. Once again I recognize that one day at a time is the wisest course of action, and when I lay down my plans, ideas, worries, then I am left with anticipation for all the ways in which Jeran (and I!) will grow this year and excitement for what's to come.
2 comments:
Oh hurray Julie! It is going to be the best. I am sure that you (and Jeran) will have a few days of adjusting but I am also sure that you both will grow to LOVE it! How awesome too that it's just half a day and you still get to hang out with him in the afternoon! I'll be praying for you both tomorrow! Can't wait to hear all about it.
Julie i hope i didn't make you feel pressured to blog ..i mean, i can't imagine what would have maybe even given u the least bit of hesitation .. ;) j/k i luv you. I had a Russs day yesterday, badly. No you to share in it so i inhaled the cheezeburger with everything on it, onions, mustard and chese dripping off the sides, the bun sliding everywehre and thinking- i am going to drink my soup not eat it with a spoon becuase the broccoli will swim in what feels like my head right now. . listen to me whine. So- with that, do NOT become like me / us as parents who put your children in everything because you get suckered into it and then you find out this whole time they were genusuius who were sitting right under your nose... and you could save all that money, the headache, the time and the hours just 'being' a family. Nothing is full proof- even with giving them all you want, they still have to own it- thus it becomes more for you then them.. I fear that sometimes. Then again, if i end up in a nursing home i hope the yenroll me in fun activtieis when i can't drool anymore on my own and tell me it was for my good. LOL checkers anyone? I miss u dear one. I hope your season with Jeran and your two remaining boys at home will be a season of day by day - and this got really long. My visual word verficiation: Ching. LOL luv roobs
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