Forever Young

I had an epiphany over the weekend. I discovered that I really want to freeze my kids at the age which they are currently. Now, if you've spent any amount of time with me in the past two months (or even read this blog, particularly between the lines of it) and have witnessed me attempting to keep up with 3 boys age 4 and under, you may think I've gone completely off my rocker. True, it has been a rough adjustment to being a family of five, and true, my kids are BUSY, but just hear me out on this one. What I have realized about this stage is that, first of all, my boys' innocence is largely intact. The world, for the most part, has not invaded their lives enough to do them any permanent harm. Also, my kids LOVE each other. I can't say Ben is always particularly pleased to receive those eye-popping tight neck-hugs that Jeran is prone to give, but more often than not they are laughing together, hugging, and easily forgiving. JJ doesn't like to be where Ben is not, and their room sharing is, at this point, a joy to them both. Thirdly, my kids love ME - unconditionally, it would seem. Despite my doubts about myself as a mom, and the countless ways in which I fail them daily, I still, ten times a day, will hear "I love you, Mom. You're my best mommy" from Jeran, and will get an exuberant "MAMA!" from Ben followed by a hug (or pats on the back which he enjoys giving). Grayson is finally into smiling, and so easily gives me that lopsided grin which reveals the single dimple in his right cheek. And all this even though I may not be quick to praise or play (and, on Grayson's side, have openly declared that he's up for grabs during many a crying-filled day). I want this innocence and unwavering love to last. I don't want my children injured, either physically or emotionally, and I don't want to lose the closeness that I have with them and they have with each other. Does growing up automatically mean these things will happen? Well, to some extent, probably, yeah. And I guess I just want to put off the day when I witness it happening. Can my kids maintain some of their innocence or at least turn their loss of it into compassion for others? Can their love for me and each other remain tight? Certainly - with my intentional guidance. Once again I realize the gigantic task God has appointed to me in the raising of my sons. But, when all is said and done, I'm so blessed that he picked me to do it.