Through to the other side

The long dark night of newborn adjustment is coming to an end in our home. It truly feels as if I've been slogging through a dark tunnel and am coming out to the light of day. A light that, for me, includes schedules, sleep, smiles, and hmmmm...what other s words? Sangria perhaps?
Grayson has most definitely turned a corner in the last couple of weeks. His crying/fussiness began noticeably diminishing and is really only present now when he gets sick of his car seat (which is still fairly quickly). However, he responds to motion MUCH better, so if I can just find a way to take highways everywhere I go we're good. I would love to have whatever gadget cops and ambulances use to change the lights around here when they need to get through. Gray now spends much more time smiling, cooing, and playing and is so responsive to James, myself, and his brothers. He's really entering into that fun stage where he's much more interactive and curious about the world around him. The next obstacle to encounter was, then, the sleep issue. I don't recall if I've mentioned it here (these days I don't recall MANY things very easily), but Grayson has been sleeping with me almost since birth. This happened with my other two boys as well. It was just the easiest way at the time to get some much-needed sleep. To get him to sleep for naps and bedtime either James would rock him in the bouncy seat or I would walk around bouncing him until he finally passed out. It was not unusual for this process to take a half hour or longer which was getting REALLY old (although I think my biceps and calf muscles have benefited tremendously). This past Friday I had finally had enough, so, because I feel he is at an age where a little bit of crying (if it happened to occur) would not kill him (or me for that matter) I started laying him down in his bassinette even if he wasn't sleeping yet. With Jeran I almost had a nervous breakdown going through the "cry it out" phase. With Ben it never really happened, thankfully. With Grayson I was prepared and ready for it. The first night he cried 45 minutes and then dropped off to sleep. Since then I've been laying him down while he's awake for bedtime and nap, and there is still crying everytime, but it has not gone past 30 minutes. Naps are going really well, and initially at night things are smooth sailing as well. He's still waking up during the night, and is not so inclined to go right back to sleep, so that's been a little bit difficult. Other good news, though, is that he has finally discovered his thumb! This kid has been a little Hoover as far as naturally needing to suck, but he has been absolutely adamant about denying the pacifier. So I am thrilled that he's finding a self-soothing mechanism that could possibly make a world of difference in dreamland. Granted, he still has some of that newborn tendency to flail about and lose control of his limbs, so the thumb-sucking is not a perfected process yet, but it's definitely on the right track.
SO - things here are well. Life is starting to return to some semblance of normalcy, and I feel thankful and overjoyed more days than not lately about my complete little family. I know I haven't expressed it nearly enough to Him or anyone else in the past 3 months, but God is truly good.

Overheard

Jeran is at that age when really funny things are said on a weekly, almost daily, basis. Some of my favorites of recent days:

While I was taking a shower this morning JJ sauntered in, proceeded to drop his drawers to use the potty and said:

"So, Mom, did you have a good sleep?"

It was just a funny moment and such a grown-up little opener.

In the McD's drive-through:

JJ: What kind of toy will I get this time, Mom?

Me: Well, I actually didn't get you a happy meal this time, buddy.

JJ: (after a pause) Did you get me a sad meal?

Lying in bed with us one morning:

JJ: Mommy, did we get Grayson from the hospital?

Me: Yup. Mom went to the hospital and they helped get Grayson out of Mom's tummy.

JJ: Did they use a hammer?

Ben is also starting to talk up a storm, and 18-month-old language is always cute. A few favorites of mine from him:

Mo or Mo-mo = Elmo

Mooca = Cow (or Moo, cow!)

He's also regularly using please, thank you, and love you which we, as his parents, of course love. He's becoming a big copycat of his older brother, too, which is both good and bad.

And, not to leave Grayson out of the mix, he has started making adorable cooing noises accompanied by smiles:

Forever Young

I had an epiphany over the weekend. I discovered that I really want to freeze my kids at the age which they are currently. Now, if you've spent any amount of time with me in the past two months (or even read this blog, particularly between the lines of it) and have witnessed me attempting to keep up with 3 boys age 4 and under, you may think I've gone completely off my rocker. True, it has been a rough adjustment to being a family of five, and true, my kids are BUSY, but just hear me out on this one. What I have realized about this stage is that, first of all, my boys' innocence is largely intact. The world, for the most part, has not invaded their lives enough to do them any permanent harm. Also, my kids LOVE each other. I can't say Ben is always particularly pleased to receive those eye-popping tight neck-hugs that Jeran is prone to give, but more often than not they are laughing together, hugging, and easily forgiving. JJ doesn't like to be where Ben is not, and their room sharing is, at this point, a joy to them both. Thirdly, my kids love ME - unconditionally, it would seem. Despite my doubts about myself as a mom, and the countless ways in which I fail them daily, I still, ten times a day, will hear "I love you, Mom. You're my best mommy" from Jeran, and will get an exuberant "MAMA!" from Ben followed by a hug (or pats on the back which he enjoys giving). Grayson is finally into smiling, and so easily gives me that lopsided grin which reveals the single dimple in his right cheek. And all this even though I may not be quick to praise or play (and, on Grayson's side, have openly declared that he's up for grabs during many a crying-filled day). I want this innocence and unwavering love to last. I don't want my children injured, either physically or emotionally, and I don't want to lose the closeness that I have with them and they have with each other. Does growing up automatically mean these things will happen? Well, to some extent, probably, yeah. And I guess I just want to put off the day when I witness it happening. Can my kids maintain some of their innocence or at least turn their loss of it into compassion for others? Can their love for me and each other remain tight? Certainly - with my intentional guidance. Once again I realize the gigantic task God has appointed to me in the raising of my sons. But, when all is said and done, I'm so blessed that he picked me to do it.