Jeran

It's a week later, and I have graduated from pleading with God to accepting my life with Jeran as it is and praying for solutions. He is NOT, by any means, a horrible child. Simply strong-willed and challenging. What I find I become most frustrated with is his disobedience and his tantrums. Rather than constructing a really solid discipline plan I have spiraled further and further into threats, yelling, and other generally unacceptable parenting that would have the SuperNanny at my door should I care to let it continue. Which I do not. I have VERY low mommy self-esteem for letting this happen. So.....my research begins for methods that will really work for him. Time outs are ok, but they clearly don't get the message across 100% since we see so many recurring bad behaviors. Spanking is reserved for more serious offenses, not on a regular basis. I heard a GREAT talk by Kevin Leman, a Christian psychologist, author, etc. last year, and James and I thought his book Have a New Kid by Friday was IT for Jeran. But it turns out it's just not concrete enough for me to follow. I need specifics, examples, instructions, etc. That's just the way I operate. So.....I'm adding a few books to my list based on recent (and past) recommendations from friends, doctor, etc. 1,2,3 Magic is one and Creative Correction is the other. The latter has been on my reading list for awhile but I've just never gotten around to it. Well I'm ready to try now!!
In better JJ news, I think we've got potty training licked (hmmm..poor choice of phrase to link with potty training). Over the weekend he started telling us when he needed to go (more often it was actually him saying, "uh-oh!" and racing to the bathroom, but heck we took it!). At this point he hasn't had an accident since Saturday and both #1 AND #2 (there have GOT to be better ways to reference these things) are under control. Nighttime is a different story, but I'm not even sweating it. I am just ecstatic that he's stepping it up and following through on this. Along with the potty training have come other marks of independence with him. More often than not lately the catch-phrase around our house is "I'll do it myself, Mom". You name it, HE wants to do it. This has been another test of my patience as the sinks are smeared with blue toothpaste, cereal strewn across the floors, juice flooding sippy cups....and the list goes on. I am trying to take a step back and a) release my anal-retentiveness enough to let him try and exert this independence and gain confidence in doing things for himself and b) not cry when I realize how big he's getting and how soon he'll be outside my realm of influence. (James would argue that 18 years old is not "soon" but I beg to differ.) Of course, some of the things in which we would LIKE him to get more independent (minor problem-solving, getting dressed, etc.) he's a little more reluctant to keep trying, but it is what it is.
Jeran's awareness of holidays has been one of the more fun sides of his third year. He's been trick-or-treating around our house since November 1st, asking with each new snowfall if it's Christmas again, and now keeps wondering aloud if it's "Valentine's". I attempted last week to make our first set of valentines to send/give to family and friends; we even bought some new paint and stickers, but between my procrastination and his will they never got accomplished. Maybe next year. We did, however, attend a kickin' Valentine's Day party last Friday (Jeran's recollection today: "It was Valentine's at Lilia's house! There were lots of cookies!") and enjoyed a really peaceful, laid-back day of love as an extended family with my parents visiting us on Saturday.
I was reminded with all the love talk of the past week of God's take on the whole topic in 1 Corinthians 13 and feel challenged anew by it as I scrutinize my own love toward others. Do I truly reflect love as God has created it to be? I know that I have been showered with more love in my life than I know what to do with, and that is an incredible blessing. With the stresses of mothering, wifeing (it's not a word but it should be), an unknown future, finances (or lack thereof) I do feel incredibly blessed in my life, above all, for the love that God has so freely given me. I know I have a lot of work to do even within my own home to more gratefully shower that on all my boys, not to mention out in the world at large.
For today I close with a house at peace and a heart pretty nearly so as well.