Technology shmecnology

Well, if you're one of the fortunate few to whom I have NOT lamented about the following, you heard it here first. Not only is our computer dying a slow, painful (to us, not it necessarily) and infuriating death (it's not uncommon for activities which once took me 20 minutes to now take 2 hours), but the camera has now taken a crap as well. It simply stopped turning on. And YES, I checked the batteries. While I may be stuck in the basics of technology I do know that much. So, at this most wonderful time of year, filled with Ben's first birthday, Jeran's Little Lambs program, and various Christmas festivities, I am left with only my semi-reliable brain to record and remember these events (not a likely prospect since I have difficulty remembering what day it is lately). I'm sure we will come up with a solution, but it remains to be seen whether that solution will put us out $100 + for a new camera.
So I realized that I've really backed myself into a corner with the name and address with which I've saddled this blog. Once baby #3 arrives 'round about Mayish, he or she is going to feel dreadfully left out. Perhaps not at first (they have that whole limited cognition thing going on), but certainly at 13 it will give them more subject matter about the lameness of parents to lament with their friends. Hmmm...not sure what to do about this one.
This morning was the long-awaited ultrasound. Now this is technology I can live with - it never gets old! It is truly an awe-inspiring miracle of God to be able to witness my child, in my womb, to see his or her heart beating, mouth moving, arm waving. To see the details of his/her spine, fingers, and toes. I can't possibly imagine what level of delusion people have to enter into to see that and, first of all, deny a loving and awesome Creator, and second of all, to justify abortion by saying this is not yet life. We were relieved and elated to get a perfect report about baby's development, and I stood strong and did not find out the gender (although, I'll admit, while the technician was scoping around "that area" I did end up peeking once - but didn't see ANYTHING!). James remained undecided so had the technician write it down and put it in an envelope for him. He's under strict instructions not to tell me (or anyone else so don't ask him!) if he ever does look. I am really excited about being surprised at the birth this time but also, because I'm an anal retentive planner, feel a little panicked that I don't know what gender of child will be exiting my womb in 4 months.
Tonight is Jeran's Christmas program for Little Lambs. I took a peek during their rehearsal today and found him doing anything BUT singing (even though he knows the songs and loves to sing when he's by himself): chewing on his shirt (a constant activity lately with this new oral fixation he's developed), standing up (while everyone else was sitting), and laying on the kid next to him. It will be adorable, no doubt, but maybe it's a good thing that camera is broken....

Holidays

I absolutely LOVE this time of the year from Thanksgiving to Christmas. The anticipation, the celebrations, the time spent with family. I'm all warm and fuzzy. I feel for those who, either recently or long ago, experienced a trauma that won't allow them to feel anything but dread and stress this time of year and hope that the TRUE joy in this season finds them in the midst of any pain.
Thanksgiving, as usual, was spent in Michigan with the fams. Our main meal was with the Louwerse side this year, and it was a wonderful, relaxing day of family, food, and fun. As an added bonus Brian, Keri, and Lily (James's brother and his wife and daughter who live in the Cayman Islands) were in town. The only pieces missing in this perfect day were Keith and Jen, Bella and Keagan (we miss you guys! The 2 of us need to stop getting preggo, Jen, so we actually see each other :-) And seeing each other on Skype doesn't totally count). We also spent time with my side of the family (Mom, Dad, Jon, and Melissa) on Friday which was great. Our only regret in the weekend was missing several friends and the great-grandparents. We are looking forward to Christmas and an extended time in the motherland with everyone.
Our Thanksgiving travels were made a whole lot easier this year with the addition of Minnie the van to our family. I still can't get over all the space! I have still been loving the new van and feel I have managed to hang on to shreds of my coolness (what little I started with) while transitioning into a mini van mom.
Our holidays have been and will be more enjoyable with James's CFP test out of the way as well. It was a loooooong year this past year that included classes 1 - 2 times a week, the week-long review class, and then countless nights of studying. I got the tiniest glimpse into the life of a single parent during that time, and James and I are both breathing sighs of relief now that he has more free time. The weekend of the actual test (Nov. 21 and 22) were extremely stressful. It really is a crazy hard test and James was, unfortunately, overwhelmed and not feeling terribly confident going into it. After finishing the Friday portion he felt ok, but all he could say on Saturday was, "That was hard." :-) But, like I said, we're happy it's over and only have to wait
5-7 more weeks for the results. Tick tock....
Our latest adventure took place last night when we tried giving Jeran a haircut here at home. It came down to trading $20 for an hour of our time (and a portion of our hearing which seems to have been permanently dampened by the screams). Unfortunately, about 2 minutes into the project our clippers showed themselves to be less than adequate for the task, but James pushed on and the end result is, in his own words, "Not bad but not good". True, there are a few stray patches here and there which sprout out of his scalp but for the most part it's a vast improvement on the permanent bedhead we were subjecting JJ to before. I don't really know what his deal is with haircuts but they turn him into an incoherent banshee. It's a little like having his fingernails cut which I haven't had to do in a year since he started taking it upon himself to bite and pick them off himself. Ew. I shudder to think what his self-made remedy for haircuts could be.
Baby Bean is doing just fine. I've started to feel movement (mostly in the evenings) and next week Tuesday we have our ultrasound. I'm feeling more and more convinced that I don't want to find out this time. James and I are still working out a compromise since he's pretty sure he DOES want to know. Time will tell what the final decisions are...
For now, greetings of Christmas joy and peace to you as you go through this holiday season. I am challenged this year not to lose sight of the true Reason for our joy amidst all the busyness this time can hold and all the "musts" we sometimes feel in this month.

Awesome

For those of you who infrequently or never check my other blog, I'll post this here too. If you want to try to grasp the awesomeness of our Creator God, go to www.hubblesite.org and check out the picture gallery. Mind-blowing....

Saying good-bye and looking forward

Yesterday was both a hard and wonderful thing, as I find the funerals of Christians generally to be. Saying good-bye to Sherri, and even more than that, thinking about her family having to say good-bye and move on in life without her, was extremely emotional and difficult. But hearing about her life, people's remembrances of her, the ways she lived out her faith and showed Christ's love through use of her gifts, was, at the risk of using an inadequate word, inspiring. I was reminded at both her funeral and memorial service that all we are given by God here on earth is temporary, but it is a gift. Somehow I ALWAYS trick myself into thinking I have unlimited time. I've spent 31 years of life telling myself that. And what do I have to show for it? I know it's not about me, but I found myself wondering what people would have to say about me should my life on earth end today? And how would I feel standing before the Lord? Would He truly be able to say to me, "well done, good and faithful servant"? I saw many parallels between Sherri and my uncle Paul who passed away a year ago July, and I remember as we were saying our good-byes to him that I had many of these same thoughts. And for seem reason I feel like I'm really GETTING IT this time. Time will tell I suppose. I know that today, I am living in thankfulness to God for another day of life. I am thanking Him for my family and friends and above all His great love. I am asking Him to help me pursue holiness that I might be holy as He is holy, and that He would open my eyes to his awesomeness in this world. And I am vowing, like Sherri, like my uncle Paul, to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself.

While listening to my Ipod yesterday, a song by Mark Schultz came on, and I thought it was so fitting as I thought of how fully Sherri lived her life and at the same time questioned the future of mine. It has a BEAUTIFUL tune so just printing the words don't do justice. Maybe I can figure out how to publish it on here. Anyway, for now, these words....

What will you do with the time that’s left?
Will you live it all with no regret?
Will they say that you loved till your final breath?
What will you do with the time that’s left?

What will you do with the time that’s past?
Oh and all the pain that seems to last?
Can you give it to Jesus and not look back?
What will you do with the time that’s past?

What will He say when your time has come?
When He takes you into His arms of love?
With tears in His eyes will He say well done?
What will He say when your time has come?

Time marches on

Simple pleasures of the week (in no particular order): a clean house, $20 in gas filling my car to 3/4 of a tank, knowing I am loved and have many to love, health & strength/renewed energy, just to name a few.

God has reminded me through several different avenues to embrace blessings in my life daily. One of those avenues, unfortunately, comes through the death of a colleague at TCS. Her battle with cancer began less than 2 months ago (at least from a diagnosis standpoint) and ended around 12:30a.m. Tuesday morning. She was an absolutely amazing teacher, mother, friend, and above all, follower of God. Her role at Timothy was as our Discovery Center teacher, offering support to struggling students and those with varying difficulties in learning, and the love that she daily poured into her kids, as well as her willingness to constantly be their advocate, was a blessing to witness. I had 2 of her children while a teacher so got to know her as a mom too. She leaves behind 4 incredible kids and a husband, as well as countless extended family and friends, who have been touched by her life lived in faith and will no doubt carry that on. Tomorrow is her funeral as well as a memorial service. It will be a terribly hard thing but I also look forward to the celebration it will be of her life and her arrival to her heavenly home.

To remark on the simple goings-on of our life in the past few weeks seems almost wrong in light of this news, but I was reminded by a wise woman in my life (you know who you are, Robyn Lynn) :-) to embrace these simple blessings, recognizing that we are on borrowed time here anyway, and all that I have for today is God's gift to be enjoyed. With that said, here's what's up. James continues to study for his CFP exam which will take place next week Friday and Saturday, so if and when he pops in to your mind in the next week, please say a prayer for him. He's not feeling too confident at this point, even though I feel very confident that he will do well. He's been studying like crazy and is a very good test-taker, not to mention he's had 10-plus years of experience with a lot of this stuff, so I would say the odds are in his favor. However, that all doesn't diminish the fact that he's feeling pretty nervous about the whole deal.

On Monday baby and I had another check-up at the doc. Everything looks A-OK, and next month I have my ultrasound. I am VERY torn about discovering this baby's gender. With Ben and JJ we found out, but with this baby most likely being our last, I would kind of like the experience of being surprised at the very end. Plus, if I'm being brutally honest, I would REALLY like to add a girl to our mix, and I really think if we find out next month that we'll be having boy #3, I'll be tempted over the last 5 months to kind of wallow in my sadness of not having any girls. If I do have another boy, and I find this out as he's placed in my arms, I don't see there being a problem (ok, maybe a FLEETING moment of sadness). James really would like to find out with this baby, so we're going to have to see if we can meet in the middle somehow. I am feeling great these days. No more nausea, and my energy is pretty much back at its normal level (running after 2 busy boys, notwithstanding).

Below are a few Halloween pics from our Michigan weekend. We had a great time trick or treating with our friends Kristen, Emma, and Kaylie, who were all really good sports about the fact that we could only go out at 4:00, and apparently in michigan this is unheard of. In Illinois kids are barely off the school bus before the fun begins. Poor Kristen got razzed by almost every neighbor. She was great about it. Jeran had a FABULOUS time and has already been asking to go again. How to explain "next year" to a three-and-a-half year old....

After our trick-or-treating excursion, with far more treating than tricks, we stopped by my grandpa and grandma Berghoef's. It was fun to show them off to the boys and allow them some rare time with the great-grandsons.

We ended the evening at my brother and sister-in-law's where we feasted on KFC and watched Jeran go through his loot. A great time had by all!

Political Hoo-ha: in other words blah blah blah

I have kept quite mum about politics throughout the entire campaigning season, so I beg you, now that I am "coming out" with my baggage after the votes have been tallied, do not take this as me being a sore loser. Yes, that's right, I was a McCain/Palin supporter. There, it's out. But the following sentences/paragraphs/[hopefully not] pages really, truly do not reflect my personal feelings on the election outcome. I can see the draw to Obama. He is an amazing speaker and an inspirational individual. And we CERTAINLY need those people in the world who inspire change. But see, that's where I get hung up. "Change" was the crux of his campaign, and it's gotten people all hopped up and ecstatic like they're on some sort of acid-induced high. There's nothing wrong with that in and of itself...I don't think. But I am troubled, first of all, by the position to which so many millions of people have elevated this human, fallible man that should only be occupied by God - that of a savior. I feel that, starting especially with the Democratic National Convention, people were crazed with worship for him. And, quite honestly, though on a somewhat smaller scale, this came about for McCain and (perhaps moreso) Palin as well. True and lasting change, on many levels, is what we all desire, no doubt about that. But, I'm sorry, it's not going to come through a senator from Illinois. OR Arizona for that matter. In the end, we will no doubt be impressed and reassured by some of President-elect Obama's decisions, and sorely disappointed by many others. We're human. We let each other down. But I don't feel that most, if not all, Obama supporters leave any room for this possibility. He is savior, as I said.
Let's go back to that term "change". The second issue I am troubled by is that I get the sense the majority (clearly) of the U.S. is ecstatic and relieved that Obama will become our president in January, but I also get the sense that they're sitting back, waiting and watching for that change they can believe in to happen. Like, "Ok, dude, go for it. Deliver." Ummmmm...one man trying to lead a crippled government is not going to come through on that, folks. Do we truly realize that authentic change begins with us on an individual level? For example, the economy has fallen into a mass of smoking rubble. But what about you? What about ME? Am I or have I lived my life too reliant on credit so I can have things that I really can't afford? Am I living beyond my means? Where is my treasure? The government, banks, and companies didn't do this all on their own. It starts with our decisions on an individual level. How about the environment and fuel crisis? Sure, there are major steps needed to fix the problems, but what am I doing to be a responsible steward and heal/conserve what's left? WHat about war? Am I praying for peace and enacting it in my own life?
Now, to be fair, perhaps a significant contribution that Obama will make during his presidency is to not just be an inspirational speaker but inspire people to ACT. That would most certainly be a step in the right direction. Time will tell...
In the meantime, we must support our leaders, including the new president-elect, and we definitely need to be in prayer for him. But I would caution each of us to leave the fulfillment of the "God" role to....well...God.

Another observation

Here's another observation I've made about my new job which I think explains that, while I am so thankful to be at home, I'm having a hard time adjusting/finding balance, etc. This is a 24/7 job. I didn't hear anyone gasping in shock and realization. It's not really an amazing new fact to me either, but I just never really thought about how taxing of a thing that is until recent days. You don't ever get a break (which is not an entirely fair thing to say since James is a very hands-on dad and so helpful when he's home. But the fact remains, when I'm at home too I'm still dealing with it to some degree - day and night). It's stressful in a different way than when I was teaching and being a mom. Then at least I had some variety and was able to transition from one thing to the other. The stress came from trying to accomplish all of the various tasks in a timely matter - caring for kids and their needs both at home and school. And believe me, I don't miss that kind of stress. Now the stress comes from never transitioning but always being the mom. And I don't hate that - I don't want to gripe and give the impression that I don't love my kids or don't appreciate the blessings they bring to my life. I guess I'm just still getting used to this new role and the fact that it's CONSTANT. It's new for me. Except for a few months here and there, I've never been just a full time mom in the three-and-a-half years that I've had kids. And when teaching things were always in flux - there was always some sort of new thing going on. I guess I just need to look a little harder to see that happening in my life. Or work a little harder to add that variety myself. I don't know if I'm even making any sense. Just venting here...
More to come on our Michigan weekend, especially Halloween, when I can get home and upload some pics.